March 25, 2025
They Call Her Domino
The player is loading ...
Dave stops by to share some Sailor Shenanigans from our South Texas days, some work related WTF's, and childbirth WTF's.
WEBVTT
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.860
Well, plus you're a podcast superstar now, so
00:00:01.860 --> 00:00:04.320
yeah, yeah, I get like 20 people listening. How
00:00:04.320 --> 00:00:07.019
about that? I'm Jake Jacobs and you're listening
00:00:07.019 --> 00:00:19.100
to what the fuck All right, welcome back to what
00:00:19.100 --> 00:00:21.179
the fuck the podcast where we try to make sense
00:00:21.179 --> 00:00:23.800
of life Or at least have a damn good time trying
00:00:23.800 --> 00:00:27.440
today. I've got a special guest my old navy buddy
00:00:27.440 --> 00:00:30.339
dave It's been way too long since we last caught
00:00:30.339 --> 00:00:32.359
up, but back in the day, we served together,
00:00:32.560 --> 00:00:35.159
got into our fair share of trouble, and racked
00:00:35.159 --> 00:00:38.020
up enough stories to last a lifetime. I have
00:00:38.020 --> 00:00:40.439
no idea where this conversation is going to go,
00:00:40.560 --> 00:00:43.479
but knowing Dave, it's going to be a wild ride.
00:00:43.700 --> 00:00:45.679
Welcome to What the Fuck. Are you in Chicago?
00:00:45.960 --> 00:00:48.399
Good morning, Jake. Yeah, I'm in Chicago. Just
00:00:48.399 --> 00:00:52.420
in the western suburbs. Been here for 24 years
00:00:52.420 --> 00:00:55.560
now. Holy crap. Nice. I'm a big fan of Chicago
00:00:55.560 --> 00:00:58.020
PD, by the way. Yeah, I've seen them filming
00:00:58.020 --> 00:00:59.840
on occasion as I'm driving through the city.
00:01:00.020 --> 00:01:01.520
So how's the weather in the Windy City today?
00:01:02.100 --> 00:01:04.700
It's not horrible. I think it's around 50. Yesterday
00:01:04.700 --> 00:01:07.659
was 62, which everybody's in flip -flops and
00:01:07.659 --> 00:01:09.700
tank tops. I was going to say, that's a heat
00:01:09.700 --> 00:01:12.799
wave for y 'all. When was the last time that
00:01:12.799 --> 00:01:15.340
you either thought or said out loud, what the
00:01:15.340 --> 00:01:18.319
fuck, and what was the situation? I say that
00:01:18.319 --> 00:01:21.099
literally on a daily basis more than once a day,
00:01:21.159 --> 00:01:24.629
just because the industry that I'm in, I do a
00:01:24.629 --> 00:01:27.290
lot of fire and water restoration work. So I
00:01:27.290 --> 00:01:30.230
see houses on fire. I see hoarding situations.
00:01:30.730 --> 00:01:34.069
I see things that you would never expect to see
00:01:34.069 --> 00:01:36.609
when you walk into a house. And so literally
00:01:36.609 --> 00:01:40.109
every single day, it's a what the fuck? And it's
00:01:40.109 --> 00:01:44.549
funny because the inflection of how you say what
00:01:44.549 --> 00:01:47.049
the fuck really carries so much weight. Absolutely.
00:01:47.269 --> 00:01:49.409
Which is why I'm so excited for this podcast
00:01:49.409 --> 00:01:52.620
for you because. When I first heard about this,
00:01:52.680 --> 00:01:54.159
I thought, you know, this is actually kind of
00:01:54.159 --> 00:01:55.920
cool. And the more I think about it, it's like,
00:01:55.980 --> 00:01:58.480
wow, you know, those three words carry so much
00:01:58.480 --> 00:02:02.040
meaning. And it can be like more of a than an
00:02:02.040 --> 00:02:05.200
oh shit moment. Yeah, it's like it actually almost
00:02:05.200 --> 00:02:08.379
tells a story and how you say it. So absolutely.
00:02:08.680 --> 00:02:11.539
I love it. So I want to ask you when you started
00:02:11.539 --> 00:02:14.879
this podcast, obviously, what the fuck is especially
00:02:14.879 --> 00:02:19.099
with sailors? Yeah. But it's not. I mean, like,
00:02:19.240 --> 00:02:21.419
I mean, I'm in an industry now where it's I hear
00:02:21.419 --> 00:02:23.939
it outside of my office every day. What the fuck?
00:02:24.060 --> 00:02:29.039
And it makes me giggle a lot of times. But again,
00:02:29.120 --> 00:02:30.620
it's all about the inflection of how you say
00:02:30.620 --> 00:02:32.860
it, because it's like, oh, fuck or what the fuck?
00:02:32.879 --> 00:02:35.400
I guess I'm kind of curious. When you first started
00:02:35.400 --> 00:02:37.659
this, was there a specific what the fuck moment
00:02:37.659 --> 00:02:40.659
for you where you were like, oh, I got to talk
00:02:40.659 --> 00:02:42.800
about this? I've already said it like 10 times
00:02:42.800 --> 00:02:45.319
today for various reasons. And each one was different.
00:02:45.479 --> 00:02:49.020
One was a question. One was like a holy shit,
00:02:49.080 --> 00:02:50.680
what the fuck. I was all over the place. With
00:02:50.680 --> 00:02:54.219
podcasts, you have to be really careful sometimes
00:02:54.219 --> 00:02:57.460
because podcast audiences really want something
00:02:57.460 --> 00:03:01.280
niche -y. You have to have a subject that's exclusive.
00:03:01.740 --> 00:03:04.960
You can't just be broad. Well, this is kind of
00:03:04.960 --> 00:03:07.479
niche -y, but it's also broad because you can
00:03:07.479 --> 00:03:09.800
talk about anything. It's amazing, yeah. So it's
00:03:09.800 --> 00:03:12.520
not really niche -y. But it is. It's a wild concept.
00:03:12.659 --> 00:03:15.240
I couldn't find anybody else doing something
00:03:15.240 --> 00:03:17.240
quite like this. There's a couple of the podcasts
00:03:17.240 --> 00:03:18.699
that have that in the title, but they're talking
00:03:18.699 --> 00:03:20.659
about different things, right? So this just leaves
00:03:20.659 --> 00:03:23.900
it wide open. If you had to pick one, the funniest
00:03:23.900 --> 00:03:26.620
what the fuck moment. So honestly, one of the
00:03:26.620 --> 00:03:31.080
funniest ones involves you. Here we go. You might
00:03:31.080 --> 00:03:33.979
remember we were in South Korea. Yeah. We were
00:03:33.979 --> 00:03:36.439
at a bar. I know that's crazy. And walking back
00:03:36.439 --> 00:03:39.080
from the bar to the ship. For whatever reason,
00:03:39.139 --> 00:03:41.800
we were either trying to cut through a construction
00:03:41.800 --> 00:03:44.500
area or something. Oh, my God. I know where you're
00:03:44.500 --> 00:03:47.960
going with this. And you all of a sudden stopped
00:03:47.960 --> 00:03:50.699
dead in your tracks. And you even said, what
00:03:50.699 --> 00:03:54.659
the fuck? Yes. Oh, my God. I forgot about that.
00:03:54.759 --> 00:03:57.560
Because you stepped on a piece of wood that had
00:03:57.560 --> 00:03:59.439
a nail sticking through it, and that nail went
00:03:59.439 --> 00:04:00.919
all the way through your foot. Straight through.
00:04:01.060 --> 00:04:03.620
And I remember seeing it, and I was like, what
00:04:03.620 --> 00:04:06.460
the fuck? So the two of us had the same experience
00:04:06.460 --> 00:04:08.860
of what the fuck, but on two totally different
00:04:08.860 --> 00:04:13.979
levels. Yeah. And that's still one of my memories,
00:04:13.979 --> 00:04:16.199
because I remember laughing, which that's...
00:04:16.459 --> 00:04:18.279
It's always funny when someone else gets hurt,
00:04:18.339 --> 00:04:22.819
right? It's always funny. And your shoe filled
00:04:22.819 --> 00:04:25.279
up with blood, and oh, man. The way it was situated
00:04:25.279 --> 00:04:28.300
in South Korea, we had to go back to, there was
00:04:28.300 --> 00:04:30.480
like a small base where there was a club there.
00:04:30.800 --> 00:04:32.680
And then from there, we had to catch a bus back
00:04:32.680 --> 00:04:34.720
to the ship. Is that correct? Am I remembering?
00:04:34.879 --> 00:04:36.540
Okay. Well, I remember when we got back to the
00:04:36.540 --> 00:04:39.199
club, I'm like hobbling along, and my shoe or
00:04:39.199 --> 00:04:41.019
sneaker, whatever I had on, was like red with
00:04:41.019 --> 00:04:43.639
blood. And Doc Jacobs was there. Yep. And I'm
00:04:43.639 --> 00:04:45.420
like, hey, Doc, check this out. He's like, what
00:04:45.420 --> 00:04:47.110
the fuck? I think he just said, what the fuck?
00:04:48.550 --> 00:04:51.209
Yeah. He's like, dude. I'm like, I think I stepped
00:04:51.209 --> 00:04:53.870
on a nail, and I was drunk as shit. Yeah. Oh,
00:04:53.870 --> 00:04:56.269
my God. I mean, I definitely felt it, but it
00:04:56.269 --> 00:04:58.389
was one of those where, had I not been drinking,
00:04:58.529 --> 00:04:59.790
it would have been a whole lot worse for me.
00:04:59.790 --> 00:05:01.050
Oh, yeah, for sure. Because I was already numb.
00:05:01.189 --> 00:05:03.290
Oh, my God. I haven't thought about that in a
00:05:03.290 --> 00:05:09.529
long time. Holy shit. You're welcome. Okay. So
00:05:09.529 --> 00:05:11.470
here's my what the fuck, and this one is a recent
00:05:11.470 --> 00:05:12.970
one. I don't know if you've been hearing me talk
00:05:12.970 --> 00:05:16.269
on a couple of episodes. Carpal tunnel surgery.
00:05:16.490 --> 00:05:19.839
Mm -hmm. I think they fucked something up because
00:05:19.839 --> 00:05:22.639
I've been having pain that I didn't have before
00:05:22.639 --> 00:05:24.379
I had the carpal tunnel surgery. And I've been
00:05:24.379 --> 00:05:26.100
trying to tell the VA that. And the VA is like,
00:05:26.180 --> 00:05:27.459
we're going to send you to occupational therapy.
00:05:27.579 --> 00:05:28.959
There's nothing wrong. Well, I've been going
00:05:28.959 --> 00:05:31.100
to therapy. I've been doing everything that they've
00:05:31.100 --> 00:05:33.339
been asking me to do. And finally, I went and
00:05:33.339 --> 00:05:35.899
saw my surgeon's PA, I guess it's a physician
00:05:35.899 --> 00:05:38.379
assistant, yesterday. And I said, look, man,
00:05:38.500 --> 00:05:40.420
this is my dominant hand. If this was my left
00:05:40.420 --> 00:05:42.060
hand, I wouldn't even be here right now. I mean,
00:05:42.079 --> 00:05:44.139
I'm having a hard time brushing my teeth. Writing
00:05:44.139 --> 00:05:46.350
is a chore. Like, if I try to write now. It's
00:05:46.350 --> 00:05:47.670
like a five -year -old trying to write their
00:05:47.670 --> 00:05:49.790
name. It's like very awkward. I had no coordination
00:05:49.790 --> 00:05:52.089
in my hand. And he said, okay, let's schedule
00:05:52.089 --> 00:05:54.250
an EMG. That's where they put pins in you and
00:05:54.250 --> 00:05:55.829
then they shoot like electrical pulses to see
00:05:55.829 --> 00:05:57.350
what's going on. I'm like, yeah, okay, sounds
00:05:57.350 --> 00:05:59.449
good. So EMG is going to be reaching out to you
00:05:59.449 --> 00:06:01.750
to schedule that. I'm like, okay. And he was
00:06:01.750 --> 00:06:03.569
right. Literally on the way home from the VA,
00:06:03.689 --> 00:06:05.709
from Nashville to my house here, they called
00:06:05.709 --> 00:06:07.089
me and they're like, yeah, calling to schedule
00:06:07.089 --> 00:06:09.350
an EMG that your doctor ordered. What's your
00:06:09.350 --> 00:06:10.949
schedule look like? I'm like, I'm wide open.
00:06:11.509 --> 00:06:15.129
They're like, oh, well, this is March 10th, right?
00:06:15.529 --> 00:06:18.110
They said, we can get you in May 14th. And I
00:06:18.110 --> 00:06:20.790
literally said, what the fuck are you talking
00:06:20.790 --> 00:06:23.569
about? Seriously? Like, did you? I said, this
00:06:23.569 --> 00:06:25.350
is time sensitive. You can't put me two months
00:06:25.350 --> 00:06:27.209
out. And she's like, well, this is what we have,
00:06:27.290 --> 00:06:28.730
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then finally
00:06:28.730 --> 00:06:31.089
she says, well, okay, it's more than 30 days
00:06:31.089 --> 00:06:33.129
out, so we can put you in for community care,
00:06:33.250 --> 00:06:35.069
which is where they will reach out to a nearby
00:06:35.069 --> 00:06:37.089
hospital, and then they will do it, and then
00:06:37.089 --> 00:06:38.930
the VA will pick up the tab. I'm like, yeah,
00:06:38.949 --> 00:06:40.470
let's do that. Why couldn't you just lead with
00:06:40.470 --> 00:06:43.529
that? Fucking VA. Yeah, I've had some interesting
00:06:43.529 --> 00:06:45.769
experiences where same thing where they say,
00:06:45.810 --> 00:06:47.189
yeah, someone will reach out to schedule and
00:06:47.189 --> 00:06:49.410
it's like six months before they can get you
00:06:49.410 --> 00:06:52.089
in. And I didn't know that was a thing. So thanks
00:06:52.089 --> 00:06:54.389
for that tip. Technically, if it's going to be
00:06:54.389 --> 00:06:56.350
more than 30 days out and they can verify that
00:06:56.350 --> 00:06:58.029
with their schedule, just say, hey, can I use
00:06:58.029 --> 00:07:00.009
community care? So funny story about Bahrain,
00:07:00.069 --> 00:07:02.870
actually. I did 10 years active and then 11 more
00:07:02.870 --> 00:07:05.569
in the reserves, right? So during my 11 years
00:07:05.569 --> 00:07:08.029
in reserves, I went to Australia, Argentina,
00:07:08.529 --> 00:07:12.170
South Africa. I went back to Japan. Pearl Harbor.
00:07:12.310 --> 00:07:14.250
I was like, I was traveling more in the reserves
00:07:14.250 --> 00:07:16.910
than I did on active duty. That's crazy. I had
00:07:16.910 --> 00:07:18.569
to go to Bahrain two different times for these
00:07:18.569 --> 00:07:21.110
war games. They're all scenario based and they're
00:07:21.110 --> 00:07:23.089
usually fairly similar to the one they did last
00:07:23.089 --> 00:07:25.589
year with, you know, Hey, this is what we learned
00:07:25.589 --> 00:07:27.129
last year. Let's tweak a couple of things. And
00:07:27.129 --> 00:07:29.050
it's a whole bunch of sitting around and, Oh
00:07:29.050 --> 00:07:30.829
no, this happened. How do you respond? Kind of
00:07:30.829 --> 00:07:32.370
thing. But there was a, what the fuck moment.
00:07:32.389 --> 00:07:34.850
The last time I went to Bahrain, which was right
00:07:34.850 --> 00:07:37.550
before I retired and was really a catalyst for
00:07:37.550 --> 00:07:39.939
making me help. kind of make that decision which
00:07:39.939 --> 00:07:43.480
was we were in a like a theater and there was
00:07:43.480 --> 00:07:45.839
an admiral on the stage giving a speech about
00:07:45.839 --> 00:07:47.860
hey thank you for participating in the games
00:07:47.860 --> 00:07:50.000
we learned a lot today blah blah blah blah one
00:07:50.000 --> 00:07:52.319
thing we didn't tell you was the catastrophic
00:07:52.319 --> 00:07:57.449
plan of what if a missile is launched at Bahrain,
00:07:57.490 --> 00:07:59.170
what is going to happen? And we were all like,
00:07:59.250 --> 00:08:01.110
oh, that's actually something we didn't talk
00:08:01.110 --> 00:08:03.589
about. And he basically said, everybody on the
00:08:03.589 --> 00:08:05.750
stage, which was him and a bunch of other senior
00:08:05.750 --> 00:08:08.009
leaders, we would immediately be shuffled to
00:08:08.009 --> 00:08:11.449
a helo and we'd leave the base so that you guys
00:08:11.449 --> 00:08:13.129
know that the leadership would at least be able
00:08:13.129 --> 00:08:15.509
to continue for CENTCOM. And we were like, okay.
00:08:16.050 --> 00:08:18.389
He's like, so you guys, rest assured, leadership
00:08:18.389 --> 00:08:20.589
will be okay. And we were like, okay. And then
00:08:20.589 --> 00:08:23.560
he stopped. And we're like, so we're all, and
00:08:23.560 --> 00:08:24.920
you can see everybody in the room is kind of
00:08:24.920 --> 00:08:26.899
like, look around, like how fucking all of us,
00:08:26.920 --> 00:08:29.920
right? Like, what do we do? And nothing, there
00:08:29.920 --> 00:08:32.740
was, he just kind of said, so just, so you got,
00:08:32.820 --> 00:08:35.340
and like, he kept going over. And so my dumb
00:08:35.340 --> 00:08:37.019
ass, of course, I'm raising my hand. I'm like,
00:08:37.080 --> 00:08:40.500
hey, I, and he says, yes, chief, do you have
00:08:40.500 --> 00:08:42.620
a question? I said, well, just what do we do?
00:08:43.799 --> 00:08:47.480
Dead silence, just nothing. And you could hear
00:08:47.480 --> 00:08:52.090
people just, what the fuck? Yeah. Because that
00:08:52.090 --> 00:08:54.409
was like the moment where you realized we're
00:08:54.409 --> 00:08:57.049
all expendable. We're all just numbers. And it
00:08:57.049 --> 00:09:00.190
really just drove it home for me to like go home
00:09:00.190 --> 00:09:02.929
and finish your time and just get out. That was
00:09:02.929 --> 00:09:05.250
a really like a heart -wrenching what the fuck
00:09:05.250 --> 00:09:07.330
moment for me. Yeah, that was one of those where
00:09:07.330 --> 00:09:10.110
you're like, wow, incredible. Yeah, it's crazy.
00:09:10.250 --> 00:09:12.509
But again, all these what the fuck moments that
00:09:12.509 --> 00:09:15.350
carry, it's like it carries emotion in it, which
00:09:15.350 --> 00:09:18.529
is interesting. I think I said what the fuck
00:09:18.529 --> 00:09:20.549
at least two or three times in Nashville traffic
00:09:20.549 --> 00:09:22.950
yesterday headed to the VA. But it makes you
00:09:22.950 --> 00:09:24.370
feel good after you say it. Yeah, it's like,
00:09:24.389 --> 00:09:25.789
what the fuck is your problem? It's a stress
00:09:25.789 --> 00:09:29.970
reliever. Folks, there are so many stories that
00:09:29.970 --> 00:09:31.809
Dave and I could tell about South Texas. With
00:09:31.809 --> 00:09:33.809
the name of our command being Rotational Crew
00:09:33.809 --> 00:09:36.950
Delta, at one point, I somehow ended up at a
00:09:36.950 --> 00:09:39.529
trailer in, was that a Ramses Pass? It was a
00:09:39.529 --> 00:09:41.870
Ramses Pass. And then that trailer became Delta
00:09:41.870 --> 00:09:44.809
House, as in from Animal House. The stories we
00:09:44.809 --> 00:09:48.080
could tell. From that alone would fill up a podcast.
00:09:48.460 --> 00:09:50.620
Some of the best times of my life, man. Yeah.
00:09:52.500 --> 00:09:55.250
I think it was the day that I moved in. I believe
00:09:55.250 --> 00:09:59.269
there was a roach infestation problem in the
00:09:59.269 --> 00:10:01.809
trailer. I think the trailer was in his name.
00:10:01.970 --> 00:10:04.370
Was that Drew? It was Drew. I was walking around
00:10:04.370 --> 00:10:05.970
and I was seeing fucking cockroaches everywhere.
00:10:06.330 --> 00:10:07.929
I'm like, oh, there's another one. And I remember
00:10:07.929 --> 00:10:10.190
he picked up a piece of board or a 2x4 or something
00:10:10.190 --> 00:10:12.210
and just slammed that motherfucker into oblivion.
00:10:12.289 --> 00:10:15.029
He's like, not no more. I'm like, what the fuck?
00:10:16.830 --> 00:10:18.929
That's a pretty tame one that I could tell. So
00:10:18.929 --> 00:10:21.490
if that sets the tone, then you know where we're
00:10:21.490 --> 00:10:23.580
headed with this. I do have another. trailer
00:10:23.580 --> 00:10:27.480
moment where I woke up one morning after being
00:10:27.480 --> 00:10:30.399
out and I'm sure that we were at legs and my
00:10:30.399 --> 00:10:33.340
car was parked kind of just in the street. I
00:10:33.340 --> 00:10:34.779
mean, it was like, you know, you're pulling the
00:10:34.779 --> 00:10:37.159
trailer park and there's a little kind of pseudo
00:10:37.159 --> 00:10:39.779
street within the park. And my, my car was just
00:10:39.779 --> 00:10:42.179
parked randomly in the street. And it's because
00:10:42.179 --> 00:10:45.340
we had got so shit faced the night before that
00:10:45.340 --> 00:10:47.200
I, and I shouldn't have even drove home and I
00:10:47.200 --> 00:10:49.980
did. And I apparently got back to the trailer
00:10:49.980 --> 00:10:54.320
and just parked wherever the fuck. And I woke
00:10:54.320 --> 00:10:55.720
up the next morning and I was like, what the
00:10:55.720 --> 00:10:57.639
fuck? Like, I couldn't, I don't remember getting
00:10:57.639 --> 00:11:01.460
home. Yeah. Good times. Lucky that I never. Oh,
00:11:01.500 --> 00:11:03.620
all of us were lucky. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Way too
00:11:03.620 --> 00:11:06.379
many times that I shouldn't have driven home
00:11:06.379 --> 00:11:09.500
or driving home saying, what the fuck am I doing?
00:11:11.320 --> 00:11:13.100
I'm going to share one more story from there.
00:11:13.259 --> 00:11:15.360
But this isn't a what the fuck from my perspective.
00:11:15.399 --> 00:11:16.960
This is going to be a what the fuck from somebody
00:11:16.960 --> 00:11:19.299
else's perspective. It was my birthday day. There
00:11:19.299 --> 00:11:22.480
was a certain member of our. pack that was dating
00:11:22.480 --> 00:11:25.480
someone from legs. And she went by the stage
00:11:25.480 --> 00:11:28.200
named Domino. Interesting. Yeah. Cool kiss song.
00:11:28.299 --> 00:11:29.960
And it was a cool song for her to dance to. And
00:11:29.960 --> 00:11:32.480
she kind of fit the role. I was at the trailer
00:11:32.480 --> 00:11:34.159
and it was like eight o 'clock at night. I knew
00:11:34.159 --> 00:11:36.600
she was coming over. Little did I know that the
00:11:36.600 --> 00:11:38.759
sailor that she was dating. put her up to something,
00:11:38.879 --> 00:11:41.220
and told her that it was my birthday. Sounds
00:11:41.220 --> 00:11:44.039
like a good dude. Yeah, I think this sailor was
00:11:44.039 --> 00:11:45.740
on duty that night, so he wasn't there to witness
00:11:45.740 --> 00:11:48.419
this. But another one of our shipmates, Wiggy,
00:11:48.500 --> 00:11:50.639
he'd never been to Delta House, so he was coming
00:11:50.639 --> 00:11:53.480
over for the first time to witness what goes
00:11:53.480 --> 00:11:55.960
on. So I'm sitting there at the trailer, and
00:11:55.960 --> 00:11:58.419
Domino comes walking in, and she said, Happy
00:11:58.419 --> 00:12:01.539
birthday, Jake. And I said, Thanks. And she proceeded
00:12:01.539 --> 00:12:04.460
to cue up Domino and she sat my ass in a chair
00:12:04.460 --> 00:12:06.740
and she gave me a lap dance that I'll never forget.
00:12:07.000 --> 00:12:09.759
And during the course of that, Wiggy walks in
00:12:09.759 --> 00:12:13.820
the door and the look on his face, he didn't
00:12:13.820 --> 00:12:17.039
even need to say it. It was on his face. I knew
00:12:17.039 --> 00:12:19.600
her. So, you know, it wasn't really a big deal.
00:12:19.600 --> 00:12:21.480
But from somebody else's perspective, that was
00:12:21.480 --> 00:12:24.379
a pretty cool what the fuck. I've never heard
00:12:24.379 --> 00:12:26.759
that story from that perspective. You've never
00:12:26.759 --> 00:12:28.759
heard it, no. I mean, can you imagine being Wiggy
00:12:28.759 --> 00:12:31.360
in that moment, though? Getting invited to someone's
00:12:31.360 --> 00:12:34.379
house for the first time. He was so excited.
00:12:34.460 --> 00:12:36.080
That whole day, he was so excited. He's like,
00:12:36.139 --> 00:12:37.879
yeah, this is cool. I finally get to see Delta
00:12:37.879 --> 00:12:39.519
House. And he walks in. That's the first thing
00:12:39.519 --> 00:12:43.779
he sees. So there's another guy, we'll just call
00:12:43.779 --> 00:12:47.240
him Grimmy. Oh, my God. I know where this is
00:12:47.240 --> 00:12:49.600
going. One of the first times he came to, this
00:12:49.600 --> 00:12:52.039
was Delta House 2 now, but one of the first times
00:12:52.039 --> 00:12:55.299
he came, we were, of course, inebriated. And
00:12:55.299 --> 00:12:58.059
we said, hey, we need you to be initiated into
00:12:58.059 --> 00:13:00.899
Delta House. And we forced him. to strip down
00:13:00.899 --> 00:13:03.779
butt naked and run down the street back and forth.
00:13:04.059 --> 00:13:06.019
And we were friends with some of the cops in
00:13:06.019 --> 00:13:08.200
town. So, of course, we queued up one of the
00:13:08.200 --> 00:13:10.899
police officers to randomly come by at the same
00:13:10.899 --> 00:13:13.700
time when he was running. And it was, I've never
00:13:13.700 --> 00:13:18.360
laughed so hard in my life. He not only did it,
00:13:18.379 --> 00:13:21.620
but there was a bar behind this trailer park.
00:13:21.759 --> 00:13:23.659
So he not only did it, we told him he had to
00:13:23.659 --> 00:13:25.879
run around the block. He not only did that, he
00:13:25.879 --> 00:13:27.860
ran into the bar, through the bar, and out the
00:13:27.860 --> 00:13:29.740
other side, the other door through the bar and
00:13:29.740 --> 00:13:32.600
back. Oh, my gosh. Then when he got back, we're
00:13:32.600 --> 00:13:35.779
like, yeah, none of us ever did that. Yeah, so
00:13:35.779 --> 00:13:38.860
again, a secondhand perspective, what the fuck,
00:13:38.860 --> 00:13:41.299
from him was probably like, what the fuck? Yeah.
00:13:42.019 --> 00:13:47.909
Oh, my gosh. So many good memories. Yeah. So
00:13:47.909 --> 00:13:50.110
I'll tell you a recent what the fuck story. We
00:13:50.110 --> 00:13:52.009
got called to a house. They had a small kitchen
00:13:52.009 --> 00:13:54.269
fire. I showed up at the house. There's two guys
00:13:54.269 --> 00:13:56.250
living in the house. We walked in and they said,
00:13:56.269 --> 00:13:57.730
do you guys have to go down in the basement?
00:13:57.950 --> 00:13:59.289
And I was like, we have to inspect the whole
00:13:59.289 --> 00:14:01.669
house because there was a fire. There's water
00:14:01.669 --> 00:14:03.470
that's used to put out the fire. That water travels
00:14:03.470 --> 00:14:05.190
down. We have to inspect the whole house. Were
00:14:05.190 --> 00:14:06.809
they asking if you had to go down to the basement?
00:14:07.029 --> 00:14:09.950
Okay. Like nervously. And I said, yeah, we have
00:14:09.950 --> 00:14:12.370
to go down there. And they were like, well, okay,
00:14:12.549 --> 00:14:14.450
can you just give us a few minutes? And I was
00:14:14.450 --> 00:14:16.950
like, okay, is there somebody locked up? What
00:14:16.950 --> 00:14:19.909
is going on? So one guy runs down there, comes
00:14:19.909 --> 00:14:21.389
back up, and he's like, all right, well, whatever,
00:14:21.570 --> 00:14:24.250
let's just do it. And I go down there, and there
00:14:24.250 --> 00:14:26.470
was, I don't know, six or seven of those, like,
00:14:26.490 --> 00:14:31.139
eight -foot fold -up tables full of dildos. Never
00:14:31.139 --> 00:14:32.860
seen that before. So I walked out and stopped
00:14:32.860 --> 00:14:35.340
kind of dead in my tracks and realized I stopped.
00:14:35.480 --> 00:14:37.440
So I forced myself to keep walking because they
00:14:37.440 --> 00:14:39.279
were behind me. And in my head, I'm like, what
00:14:39.279 --> 00:14:41.820
the fuck? Because number one, who needs that
00:14:41.820 --> 00:14:47.399
many? Well, it turns out, it turns out they actually,
00:14:47.460 --> 00:14:49.919
they manufactured these. They had molds and they
00:14:49.919 --> 00:14:51.259
manufactured them and sell them and they were
00:14:51.259 --> 00:14:53.500
embarrassed. OK. And I was like, guys, don't
00:14:53.500 --> 00:14:55.559
worry about it. This is actually if you're making
00:14:55.559 --> 00:14:58.039
money. Cool. Then I had to think about what do
00:14:58.039 --> 00:15:00.480
you have to come down here to hide that this
00:15:00.480 --> 00:15:02.899
was the stuff they left behind. Right. Right.
00:15:03.860 --> 00:15:05.700
I thought about that for a while. Oh, my God.
00:15:05.840 --> 00:15:07.620
What the fuck was this guy hiding if that was
00:15:07.620 --> 00:15:09.799
what they left behind? It's interesting to see
00:15:09.799 --> 00:15:11.980
some of the ways people live and the things that
00:15:11.980 --> 00:15:14.299
they do. And I'm going to share one more story
00:15:14.299 --> 00:15:18.220
I have, which sums up. For me, the ubiquitousness
00:15:18.220 --> 00:15:20.419
of the what the fuck statement. That was a big
00:15:20.419 --> 00:15:21.960
fucking word, Dave. I looked that one up ahead
00:15:21.960 --> 00:15:24.659
of time. So when my wife and I first decided
00:15:24.659 --> 00:15:27.159
that we wanted to have kids, you know, my wife's
00:15:27.159 --> 00:15:29.340
on a pill for however many years ahead of time.
00:15:29.360 --> 00:15:31.639
And everyone said, oh, dude, it'll take a year.
00:15:31.759 --> 00:15:34.379
It's like two years because, you know, your body's
00:15:34.379 --> 00:15:36.019
got to adjust, whatever. So I was like, all right,
00:15:36.019 --> 00:15:38.960
whatever. So she stops taking the pill. And I
00:15:38.960 --> 00:15:41.700
was like, well, now we just get to go at it all
00:15:41.700 --> 00:15:44.039
the time. This is wonderful. Of course, what
00:15:44.039 --> 00:15:46.379
happens like three weeks into it, she's like,
00:15:46.419 --> 00:15:48.940
hey, I'm pregnant. I'm like, what the fuck? I
00:15:48.940 --> 00:15:55.200
was happy, but I was also sad. There goes that
00:15:55.200 --> 00:15:58.740
plan. Yeah. So nine months go by. We're in the
00:15:58.740 --> 00:16:01.519
hospital and she had a scheduled induction because
00:16:01.519 --> 00:16:04.460
she was already like four days late. So we get
00:16:04.460 --> 00:16:06.039
to the hospital like six o 'clock in the morning.
00:16:06.080 --> 00:16:08.559
They induce her. It takes. hours for this stuff
00:16:08.559 --> 00:16:10.159
to start kicking in so she starts going into
00:16:10.159 --> 00:16:13.059
labor and it was all day that she was in labor
00:16:13.059 --> 00:16:15.360
and it was i mean and her and i were both like
00:16:15.360 --> 00:16:18.259
what the fuck like right she finally gets to
00:16:18.259 --> 00:16:19.460
the point where she's like the doctor's like
00:16:19.460 --> 00:16:21.519
okay you can start pushing so her mom had been
00:16:21.519 --> 00:16:23.799
there with us all day also i hadn't really been
00:16:23.799 --> 00:16:27.019
paying attention to her much but she Wasn't eating
00:16:27.019 --> 00:16:29.899
anything. So in the middle of my wife starting
00:16:29.899 --> 00:16:33.019
to push, my mother -in -law all of a sudden has
00:16:33.019 --> 00:16:35.940
this, and she passes out onto the floor. And
00:16:35.940 --> 00:16:39.299
I'm like, what the fuck? So all the doctors go
00:16:39.299 --> 00:16:41.299
rushing over to her. Meanwhile, my wife is sitting
00:16:41.299 --> 00:16:42.899
there with her legs up in the air like, what
00:16:42.899 --> 00:16:47.159
the fuck? So I get my mother -in -law out. Well,
00:16:47.220 --> 00:16:49.120
now my father -in -law wants to come in to find
00:16:49.120 --> 00:16:50.980
out why my mother -in -law passed out. And my
00:16:50.980 --> 00:16:52.960
wife is like, get the fuck out. Like, so she's
00:16:52.960 --> 00:16:55.980
freaking out. Oh, my God. So finally it's determined
00:16:55.980 --> 00:16:57.399
that the baby's not going to come. They have
00:16:57.399 --> 00:17:00.860
to do a C -section. So wheel her in at 1030 at
00:17:00.860 --> 00:17:03.480
night, have her do a C -section. Baby comes out,
00:17:03.559 --> 00:17:05.619
and they hand the baby to me, and I was like,
00:17:05.740 --> 00:17:07.839
oh, my God, what the fuck? Like, it was amazing.
00:17:08.400 --> 00:17:10.279
It was an amazing what the fuck, yeah. But then
00:17:10.279 --> 00:17:11.960
they're like, you know, we need to take her and
00:17:11.960 --> 00:17:14.880
whatever. So two nights before this, I had watched
00:17:14.880 --> 00:17:17.519
some stupid documentary about babies being switched
00:17:17.519 --> 00:17:20.269
at the hospital. Not on purpose, but like they,
00:17:20.329 --> 00:17:22.109
whatever. So I was like, I am staying with my
00:17:22.109 --> 00:17:24.089
kid. And the doctor's like, no, no, it's fine.
00:17:24.190 --> 00:17:26.470
I'm like, you don't understand. That's mine.
00:17:26.569 --> 00:17:28.410
I'm not leaving this kid. And I had to argue
00:17:28.410 --> 00:17:29.809
with this doctor. So finally they're like, fine,
00:17:29.869 --> 00:17:31.930
you can walk and you can walk through the window,
00:17:31.970 --> 00:17:34.250
whatever. They get her into the nursery and I'm
00:17:34.250 --> 00:17:36.769
like, okay, she's safe. My bracelet matches hers
00:17:36.769 --> 00:17:38.470
and so on. So I go back in and talk to my wife.
00:17:38.509 --> 00:17:40.109
I'm like, she's good. They wheel her into the
00:17:40.109 --> 00:17:42.589
room. And all I wanted to do at that point was
00:17:42.589 --> 00:17:44.690
just sleep for a couple hours. I was exhausted.
00:17:44.690 --> 00:17:47.430
My wife was exhausted. So the doctor's like,
00:17:47.509 --> 00:17:49.170
don't worry about it. We'll see you in the morning
00:17:49.170 --> 00:17:51.190
kind of a thing. We might have to wake you up
00:17:51.190 --> 00:17:54.089
just to nurse. And my wife's like, fine. So we
00:17:54.089 --> 00:17:56.710
literally just lay down, go to bed. 15 minutes
00:17:56.710 --> 00:17:58.670
later, they're coming in with the baby. I'm like,
00:17:58.710 --> 00:18:00.789
come on, what the fuck? And they're like, yeah,
00:18:00.809 --> 00:18:02.690
you got a nurse. So she does. Baby's crying.
00:18:03.130 --> 00:18:04.769
Can't soothe her. Finally gets her to nurse.
00:18:04.890 --> 00:18:07.109
And then they leave. Oh, good. Go to bed. And
00:18:07.109 --> 00:18:11.410
I get very angry if I can't sleep. So I'm already
00:18:11.410 --> 00:18:13.069
kind of ratcheting it up a little bit. So I finally
00:18:13.069 --> 00:18:14.769
go back to sleep. And literally 20 minutes later,
00:18:14.869 --> 00:18:17.250
they come in. Baby's crying again. And they're
00:18:17.250 --> 00:18:18.829
like, I'm sorry. We can't soothe her. She's going
00:18:18.829 --> 00:18:21.009
to have to stay with you guys. And I remember
00:18:21.009 --> 00:18:23.109
looking my wife in the eye. And I was like, what
00:18:23.109 --> 00:18:25.289
the fuck? Because all I wanted to do was sleep.
00:18:25.490 --> 00:18:27.890
And she knows me. So she's like, just try to
00:18:27.890 --> 00:18:29.710
sleep. I'll be fine. She can just sleep with
00:18:29.710 --> 00:18:33.680
me. This kid would not stop crying. Oh, my God.
00:18:33.839 --> 00:18:36.279
Like, it's one of those moments where the what
00:18:36.279 --> 00:18:38.400
the fuck moments throughout the day were all
00:18:38.400 --> 00:18:41.019
over the place. I don't even know how to sum
00:18:41.019 --> 00:18:44.420
it up except the next day after I did get a couple
00:18:44.420 --> 00:18:46.490
hours of sleep. It was all great. Like it was,
00:18:46.549 --> 00:18:48.569
you look back and you can laugh now. Folks, the
00:18:48.569 --> 00:18:50.809
last time I saw Dave, if I had to guess, it might've
00:18:50.809 --> 00:18:53.930
been 2000, early 2001. And I was a Navy recruiter
00:18:53.930 --> 00:18:56.150
in Washington, New Jersey. And they were doing
00:18:56.150 --> 00:18:58.589
this new program where they were allowing recruiters
00:18:58.589 --> 00:19:00.789
to go to Great Lakes for a week, kind of get
00:19:00.789 --> 00:19:03.049
a taste of what bootcamp is like currently. Because
00:19:03.049 --> 00:19:05.009
I had been to bootcamp like 20 years before then.
00:19:05.049 --> 00:19:06.609
So a lot of things had changed. So I volunteered
00:19:06.609 --> 00:19:08.349
to do it. Like a lot of the recruiters didn't
00:19:08.349 --> 00:19:10.269
want to do it. They're like, oh, fuck no. I wanted
00:19:10.269 --> 00:19:12.009
to do it for two reasons. One, because I wanted
00:19:12.009 --> 00:19:14.029
to be able to tell my recruits what's new. And
00:19:14.029 --> 00:19:15.809
then also, too, because I knew Dave was out there
00:19:15.809 --> 00:19:17.569
and I called Dave and Dave was like, fuck yeah,
00:19:17.650 --> 00:19:19.529
man. And I remember having a great time out there
00:19:19.529 --> 00:19:21.190
in Chicago, but it was during the wintertime.
00:19:21.250 --> 00:19:23.609
So it was cold as balls. I was like, yeah, that
00:19:23.609 --> 00:19:26.829
hasn't changed. Holy crap. I remember when I
00:19:26.829 --> 00:19:28.750
was in bootcamp, man, the day that we graduated,
00:19:28.849 --> 00:19:31.650
December 7th, and it was like minus 30 below
00:19:31.650 --> 00:19:32.869
with the wind chill or something. It was like
00:19:32.869 --> 00:19:35.349
stupid cold. Get on the plane. I'm in my dress
00:19:35.349 --> 00:19:37.009
blues with my peacoat and everything. And they
00:19:37.009 --> 00:19:39.400
flew me to Norfolk. So I could get a damn neck
00:19:39.400 --> 00:19:42.240
from my A school. So from like minus 36 below
00:19:42.240 --> 00:19:45.220
in Chicago to like 72 in Virginia Beach. Yeah.
00:19:45.299 --> 00:19:48.200
So the big temperature change, I'm sure when
00:19:48.200 --> 00:19:50.299
I got off the plane and it was warm and I'm in
00:19:50.299 --> 00:19:51.940
this Pico and I'm sure my first words were, what
00:19:51.940 --> 00:19:55.660
the fuck? But a good way. I'm sure. Yeah. Yeah.
00:19:56.019 --> 00:19:58.619
Great Lakes gets fucking cold. Yeah, dude. And
00:19:58.619 --> 00:20:00.960
the wind, the wind rips off Lake Michigan and
00:20:00.960 --> 00:20:04.230
it's bitter. One more work story for you. Sure.
00:20:04.349 --> 00:20:06.609
Was called out to a customer. The plumber that
00:20:06.609 --> 00:20:08.230
was on site actually called us out there because
00:20:08.230 --> 00:20:10.430
they were fixing a sewer line. So I don't exactly
00:20:10.430 --> 00:20:11.950
remember what happened, but something happened
00:20:11.950 --> 00:20:13.769
out in the yard. The sewer line collapsed. So
00:20:13.769 --> 00:20:16.089
the entire sewer system was full of water, which
00:20:16.089 --> 00:20:18.250
is what happens if the line collapses, the water
00:20:18.250 --> 00:20:20.089
has nowhere to go. So they had to replace the
00:20:20.089 --> 00:20:22.509
sewer line. So in the basements, most of the
00:20:22.509 --> 00:20:24.990
Chicago suburb homes, the sewer lines are called
00:20:24.990 --> 00:20:27.109
overhead lines, right? Which means they're actually
00:20:27.109 --> 00:20:29.470
like up near the ceiling and they run out from
00:20:29.470 --> 00:20:31.529
there. Very, very old houses, the sewer lines
00:20:31.529 --> 00:20:33.660
are underground. So you'll actually see the pipe
00:20:33.660 --> 00:20:34.920
kind of running right through the foundation.
00:20:35.119 --> 00:20:37.440
So this guy's working on an overhead sewer line
00:20:37.710 --> 00:20:39.990
So you imagine he's got his hands up in the air
00:20:39.990 --> 00:20:42.089
working the sewer line. Setting the stage here,
00:20:42.150 --> 00:20:46.430
I see. And he somehow decouples the line from
00:20:46.430 --> 00:20:50.529
the flange. And it literally fell right in, like
00:20:50.529 --> 00:20:52.930
this line came down right into his face. And
00:20:52.930 --> 00:20:56.430
he took about 30 gallons of sewage water straight
00:20:56.430 --> 00:20:59.369
into his face. And I was on the other side of
00:20:59.369 --> 00:21:01.650
the basement looking at him. And he just stood
00:21:01.650 --> 00:21:04.269
there mortified that this was happening. Eventually
00:21:04.269 --> 00:21:07.359
moved out of the way. And I remember. Initially
00:21:07.359 --> 00:21:11.160
being horrified that this guy's now got toilet
00:21:11.160 --> 00:21:16.339
paper and shit on him. To muttering the, what
00:21:16.339 --> 00:21:21.640
the fuck just happened? To immediate laughter.
00:21:21.819 --> 00:21:23.960
And I don't know, again, maybe this is a guy
00:21:23.960 --> 00:21:26.339
thing, but like we always tend to laugh at each
00:21:26.339 --> 00:21:28.509
other when. Things go wrong. Inappropriately.
00:21:28.569 --> 00:21:32.029
Yes. And I was literally crying out of my eyes
00:21:32.029 --> 00:21:34.730
laughing at this guy. And he was just spitting
00:21:34.730 --> 00:21:37.009
out. I mean, just I felt bad for him, but I couldn't
00:21:37.009 --> 00:21:39.549
stop myself. And he said, God damn it. I can't
00:21:39.549 --> 00:21:41.930
believe this happened again. Which means. Oh,
00:21:41.970 --> 00:21:46.089
my God. He did it once and didn't learn. And
00:21:46.089 --> 00:21:50.250
then I was like, oh, my God. Pardon the fun,
00:21:50.410 --> 00:21:55.289
but holy shit. Yeah, exactly. Oh, I bet there
00:21:55.289 --> 00:21:56.750
was plenty of shit jokes the rest of that day.
00:21:56.849 --> 00:21:59.009
Oh, man. I still talk to that guy, too, and he
00:21:59.009 --> 00:22:00.730
told me that that happened one more time.
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.860
Well, plus you're a podcast superstar now, so
00:00:01.860 --> 00:00:04.320
yeah, yeah, I get like 20 people listening. How
00:00:04.320 --> 00:00:07.019
about that? I'm Jake Jacobs and you're listening
00:00:07.019 --> 00:00:19.100
to what the fuck All right, welcome back to what
00:00:19.100 --> 00:00:21.179
the fuck the podcast where we try to make sense
00:00:21.179 --> 00:00:23.800
of life Or at least have a damn good time trying
00:00:23.800 --> 00:00:27.440
today. I've got a special guest my old navy buddy
00:00:27.440 --> 00:00:30.339
dave It's been way too long since we last caught
00:00:30.339 --> 00:00:32.359
up, but back in the day, we served together,
00:00:32.560 --> 00:00:35.159
got into our fair share of trouble, and racked
00:00:35.159 --> 00:00:38.020
up enough stories to last a lifetime. I have
00:00:38.020 --> 00:00:40.439
no idea where this conversation is going to go,
00:00:40.560 --> 00:00:43.479
but knowing Dave, it's going to be a wild ride.
00:00:43.700 --> 00:00:45.679
Welcome to What the Fuck. Are you in Chicago?
00:00:45.960 --> 00:00:48.399
Good morning, Jake. Yeah, I'm in Chicago. Just
00:00:48.399 --> 00:00:52.420
in the western suburbs. Been here for 24 years
00:00:52.420 --> 00:00:55.560
now. Holy crap. Nice. I'm a big fan of Chicago
00:00:55.560 --> 00:00:58.020
PD, by the way. Yeah, I've seen them filming
00:00:58.020 --> 00:00:59.840
on occasion as I'm driving through the city.
00:01:00.020 --> 00:01:01.520
So how's the weather in the Windy City today?
00:01:02.100 --> 00:01:04.700
It's not horrible. I think it's around 50. Yesterday
00:01:04.700 --> 00:01:07.659
was 62, which everybody's in flip -flops and
00:01:07.659 --> 00:01:09.700
tank tops. I was going to say, that's a heat
00:01:09.700 --> 00:01:12.799
wave for y 'all. When was the last time that
00:01:12.799 --> 00:01:15.340
you either thought or said out loud, what the
00:01:15.340 --> 00:01:18.319
fuck, and what was the situation? I say that
00:01:18.319 --> 00:01:21.099
literally on a daily basis more than once a day,
00:01:21.159 --> 00:01:24.629
just because the industry that I'm in, I do a
00:01:24.629 --> 00:01:27.290
lot of fire and water restoration work. So I
00:01:27.290 --> 00:01:30.230
see houses on fire. I see hoarding situations.
00:01:30.730 --> 00:01:34.069
I see things that you would never expect to see
00:01:34.069 --> 00:01:36.609
when you walk into a house. And so literally
00:01:36.609 --> 00:01:40.109
every single day, it's a what the fuck? And it's
00:01:40.109 --> 00:01:44.549
funny because the inflection of how you say what
00:01:44.549 --> 00:01:47.049
the fuck really carries so much weight. Absolutely.
00:01:47.269 --> 00:01:49.409
Which is why I'm so excited for this podcast
00:01:49.409 --> 00:01:52.620
for you because. When I first heard about this,
00:01:52.680 --> 00:01:54.159
I thought, you know, this is actually kind of
00:01:54.159 --> 00:01:55.920
cool. And the more I think about it, it's like,
00:01:55.980 --> 00:01:58.480
wow, you know, those three words carry so much
00:01:58.480 --> 00:02:02.040
meaning. And it can be like more of a than an
00:02:02.040 --> 00:02:05.200
oh shit moment. Yeah, it's like it actually almost
00:02:05.200 --> 00:02:08.379
tells a story and how you say it. So absolutely.
00:02:08.680 --> 00:02:11.539
I love it. So I want to ask you when you started
00:02:11.539 --> 00:02:14.879
this podcast, obviously, what the fuck is especially
00:02:14.879 --> 00:02:19.099
with sailors? Yeah. But it's not. I mean, like,
00:02:19.240 --> 00:02:21.419
I mean, I'm in an industry now where it's I hear
00:02:21.419 --> 00:02:23.939
it outside of my office every day. What the fuck?
00:02:24.060 --> 00:02:29.039
And it makes me giggle a lot of times. But again,
00:02:29.120 --> 00:02:30.620
it's all about the inflection of how you say
00:02:30.620 --> 00:02:32.860
it, because it's like, oh, fuck or what the fuck?
00:02:32.879 --> 00:02:35.400
I guess I'm kind of curious. When you first started
00:02:35.400 --> 00:02:37.659
this, was there a specific what the fuck moment
00:02:37.659 --> 00:02:40.659
for you where you were like, oh, I got to talk
00:02:40.659 --> 00:02:42.800
about this? I've already said it like 10 times
00:02:42.800 --> 00:02:45.319
today for various reasons. And each one was different.
00:02:45.479 --> 00:02:49.020
One was a question. One was like a holy shit,
00:02:49.080 --> 00:02:50.680
what the fuck. I was all over the place. With
00:02:50.680 --> 00:02:54.219
podcasts, you have to be really careful sometimes
00:02:54.219 --> 00:02:57.460
because podcast audiences really want something
00:02:57.460 --> 00:03:01.280
niche -y. You have to have a subject that's exclusive.
00:03:01.740 --> 00:03:04.960
You can't just be broad. Well, this is kind of
00:03:04.960 --> 00:03:07.479
niche -y, but it's also broad because you can
00:03:07.479 --> 00:03:09.800
talk about anything. It's amazing, yeah. So it's
00:03:09.800 --> 00:03:12.520
not really niche -y. But it is. It's a wild concept.
00:03:12.659 --> 00:03:15.240
I couldn't find anybody else doing something
00:03:15.240 --> 00:03:17.240
quite like this. There's a couple of the podcasts
00:03:17.240 --> 00:03:18.699
that have that in the title, but they're talking
00:03:18.699 --> 00:03:20.659
about different things, right? So this just leaves
00:03:20.659 --> 00:03:23.900
it wide open. If you had to pick one, the funniest
00:03:23.900 --> 00:03:26.620
what the fuck moment. So honestly, one of the
00:03:26.620 --> 00:03:31.080
funniest ones involves you. Here we go. You might
00:03:31.080 --> 00:03:33.979
remember we were in South Korea. Yeah. We were
00:03:33.979 --> 00:03:36.439
at a bar. I know that's crazy. And walking back
00:03:36.439 --> 00:03:39.080
from the bar to the ship. For whatever reason,
00:03:39.139 --> 00:03:41.800
we were either trying to cut through a construction
00:03:41.800 --> 00:03:44.500
area or something. Oh, my God. I know where you're
00:03:44.500 --> 00:03:47.960
going with this. And you all of a sudden stopped
00:03:47.960 --> 00:03:50.699
dead in your tracks. And you even said, what
00:03:50.699 --> 00:03:54.659
the fuck? Yes. Oh, my God. I forgot about that.
00:03:54.759 --> 00:03:57.560
Because you stepped on a piece of wood that had
00:03:57.560 --> 00:03:59.439
a nail sticking through it, and that nail went
00:03:59.439 --> 00:04:00.919
all the way through your foot. Straight through.
00:04:01.060 --> 00:04:03.620
And I remember seeing it, and I was like, what
00:04:03.620 --> 00:04:06.460
the fuck? So the two of us had the same experience
00:04:06.460 --> 00:04:08.860
of what the fuck, but on two totally different
00:04:08.860 --> 00:04:13.979
levels. Yeah. And that's still one of my memories,
00:04:13.979 --> 00:04:16.199
because I remember laughing, which that's...
00:04:16.459 --> 00:04:18.279
It's always funny when someone else gets hurt,
00:04:18.339 --> 00:04:22.819
right? It's always funny. And your shoe filled
00:04:22.819 --> 00:04:25.279
up with blood, and oh, man. The way it was situated
00:04:25.279 --> 00:04:28.300
in South Korea, we had to go back to, there was
00:04:28.300 --> 00:04:30.480
like a small base where there was a club there.
00:04:30.800 --> 00:04:32.680
And then from there, we had to catch a bus back
00:04:32.680 --> 00:04:34.720
to the ship. Is that correct? Am I remembering?
00:04:34.879 --> 00:04:36.540
Okay. Well, I remember when we got back to the
00:04:36.540 --> 00:04:39.199
club, I'm like hobbling along, and my shoe or
00:04:39.199 --> 00:04:41.019
sneaker, whatever I had on, was like red with
00:04:41.019 --> 00:04:43.639
blood. And Doc Jacobs was there. Yep. And I'm
00:04:43.639 --> 00:04:45.420
like, hey, Doc, check this out. He's like, what
00:04:45.420 --> 00:04:47.110
the fuck? I think he just said, what the fuck?
00:04:48.550 --> 00:04:51.209
Yeah. He's like, dude. I'm like, I think I stepped
00:04:51.209 --> 00:04:53.870
on a nail, and I was drunk as shit. Yeah. Oh,
00:04:53.870 --> 00:04:56.269
my God. I mean, I definitely felt it, but it
00:04:56.269 --> 00:04:58.389
was one of those where, had I not been drinking,
00:04:58.529 --> 00:04:59.790
it would have been a whole lot worse for me.
00:04:59.790 --> 00:05:01.050
Oh, yeah, for sure. Because I was already numb.
00:05:01.189 --> 00:05:03.290
Oh, my God. I haven't thought about that in a
00:05:03.290 --> 00:05:09.529
long time. Holy shit. You're welcome. Okay. So
00:05:09.529 --> 00:05:11.470
here's my what the fuck, and this one is a recent
00:05:11.470 --> 00:05:12.970
one. I don't know if you've been hearing me talk
00:05:12.970 --> 00:05:16.269
on a couple of episodes. Carpal tunnel surgery.
00:05:16.490 --> 00:05:19.839
Mm -hmm. I think they fucked something up because
00:05:19.839 --> 00:05:22.639
I've been having pain that I didn't have before
00:05:22.639 --> 00:05:24.379
I had the carpal tunnel surgery. And I've been
00:05:24.379 --> 00:05:26.100
trying to tell the VA that. And the VA is like,
00:05:26.180 --> 00:05:27.459
we're going to send you to occupational therapy.
00:05:27.579 --> 00:05:28.959
There's nothing wrong. Well, I've been going
00:05:28.959 --> 00:05:31.100
to therapy. I've been doing everything that they've
00:05:31.100 --> 00:05:33.339
been asking me to do. And finally, I went and
00:05:33.339 --> 00:05:35.899
saw my surgeon's PA, I guess it's a physician
00:05:35.899 --> 00:05:38.379
assistant, yesterday. And I said, look, man,
00:05:38.500 --> 00:05:40.420
this is my dominant hand. If this was my left
00:05:40.420 --> 00:05:42.060
hand, I wouldn't even be here right now. I mean,
00:05:42.079 --> 00:05:44.139
I'm having a hard time brushing my teeth. Writing
00:05:44.139 --> 00:05:46.350
is a chore. Like, if I try to write now. It's
00:05:46.350 --> 00:05:47.670
like a five -year -old trying to write their
00:05:47.670 --> 00:05:49.790
name. It's like very awkward. I had no coordination
00:05:49.790 --> 00:05:52.089
in my hand. And he said, okay, let's schedule
00:05:52.089 --> 00:05:54.250
an EMG. That's where they put pins in you and
00:05:54.250 --> 00:05:55.829
then they shoot like electrical pulses to see
00:05:55.829 --> 00:05:57.350
what's going on. I'm like, yeah, okay, sounds
00:05:57.350 --> 00:05:59.449
good. So EMG is going to be reaching out to you
00:05:59.449 --> 00:06:01.750
to schedule that. I'm like, okay. And he was
00:06:01.750 --> 00:06:03.569
right. Literally on the way home from the VA,
00:06:03.689 --> 00:06:05.709
from Nashville to my house here, they called
00:06:05.709 --> 00:06:07.089
me and they're like, yeah, calling to schedule
00:06:07.089 --> 00:06:09.350
an EMG that your doctor ordered. What's your
00:06:09.350 --> 00:06:10.949
schedule look like? I'm like, I'm wide open.
00:06:11.509 --> 00:06:15.129
They're like, oh, well, this is March 10th, right?
00:06:15.529 --> 00:06:18.110
They said, we can get you in May 14th. And I
00:06:18.110 --> 00:06:20.790
literally said, what the fuck are you talking
00:06:20.790 --> 00:06:23.569
about? Seriously? Like, did you? I said, this
00:06:23.569 --> 00:06:25.350
is time sensitive. You can't put me two months
00:06:25.350 --> 00:06:27.209
out. And she's like, well, this is what we have,
00:06:27.290 --> 00:06:28.730
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then finally
00:06:28.730 --> 00:06:31.089
she says, well, okay, it's more than 30 days
00:06:31.089 --> 00:06:33.129
out, so we can put you in for community care,
00:06:33.250 --> 00:06:35.069
which is where they will reach out to a nearby
00:06:35.069 --> 00:06:37.089
hospital, and then they will do it, and then
00:06:37.089 --> 00:06:38.930
the VA will pick up the tab. I'm like, yeah,
00:06:38.949 --> 00:06:40.470
let's do that. Why couldn't you just lead with
00:06:40.470 --> 00:06:43.529
that? Fucking VA. Yeah, I've had some interesting
00:06:43.529 --> 00:06:45.769
experiences where same thing where they say,
00:06:45.810 --> 00:06:47.189
yeah, someone will reach out to schedule and
00:06:47.189 --> 00:06:49.410
it's like six months before they can get you
00:06:49.410 --> 00:06:52.089
in. And I didn't know that was a thing. So thanks
00:06:52.089 --> 00:06:54.389
for that tip. Technically, if it's going to be
00:06:54.389 --> 00:06:56.350
more than 30 days out and they can verify that
00:06:56.350 --> 00:06:58.029
with their schedule, just say, hey, can I use
00:06:58.029 --> 00:07:00.009
community care? So funny story about Bahrain,
00:07:00.069 --> 00:07:02.870
actually. I did 10 years active and then 11 more
00:07:02.870 --> 00:07:05.569
in the reserves, right? So during my 11 years
00:07:05.569 --> 00:07:08.029
in reserves, I went to Australia, Argentina,
00:07:08.529 --> 00:07:12.170
South Africa. I went back to Japan. Pearl Harbor.
00:07:12.310 --> 00:07:14.250
I was like, I was traveling more in the reserves
00:07:14.250 --> 00:07:16.910
than I did on active duty. That's crazy. I had
00:07:16.910 --> 00:07:18.569
to go to Bahrain two different times for these
00:07:18.569 --> 00:07:21.110
war games. They're all scenario based and they're
00:07:21.110 --> 00:07:23.089
usually fairly similar to the one they did last
00:07:23.089 --> 00:07:25.589
year with, you know, Hey, this is what we learned
00:07:25.589 --> 00:07:27.129
last year. Let's tweak a couple of things. And
00:07:27.129 --> 00:07:29.050
it's a whole bunch of sitting around and, Oh
00:07:29.050 --> 00:07:30.829
no, this happened. How do you respond? Kind of
00:07:30.829 --> 00:07:32.370
thing. But there was a, what the fuck moment.
00:07:32.389 --> 00:07:34.850
The last time I went to Bahrain, which was right
00:07:34.850 --> 00:07:37.550
before I retired and was really a catalyst for
00:07:37.550 --> 00:07:39.939
making me help. kind of make that decision which
00:07:39.939 --> 00:07:43.480
was we were in a like a theater and there was
00:07:43.480 --> 00:07:45.839
an admiral on the stage giving a speech about
00:07:45.839 --> 00:07:47.860
hey thank you for participating in the games
00:07:47.860 --> 00:07:50.000
we learned a lot today blah blah blah blah one
00:07:50.000 --> 00:07:52.319
thing we didn't tell you was the catastrophic
00:07:52.319 --> 00:07:57.449
plan of what if a missile is launched at Bahrain,
00:07:57.490 --> 00:07:59.170
what is going to happen? And we were all like,
00:07:59.250 --> 00:08:01.110
oh, that's actually something we didn't talk
00:08:01.110 --> 00:08:03.589
about. And he basically said, everybody on the
00:08:03.589 --> 00:08:05.750
stage, which was him and a bunch of other senior
00:08:05.750 --> 00:08:08.009
leaders, we would immediately be shuffled to
00:08:08.009 --> 00:08:11.449
a helo and we'd leave the base so that you guys
00:08:11.449 --> 00:08:13.129
know that the leadership would at least be able
00:08:13.129 --> 00:08:15.509
to continue for CENTCOM. And we were like, okay.
00:08:16.050 --> 00:08:18.389
He's like, so you guys, rest assured, leadership
00:08:18.389 --> 00:08:20.589
will be okay. And we were like, okay. And then
00:08:20.589 --> 00:08:23.560
he stopped. And we're like, so we're all, and
00:08:23.560 --> 00:08:24.920
you can see everybody in the room is kind of
00:08:24.920 --> 00:08:26.899
like, look around, like how fucking all of us,
00:08:26.920 --> 00:08:29.920
right? Like, what do we do? And nothing, there
00:08:29.920 --> 00:08:32.740
was, he just kind of said, so just, so you got,
00:08:32.820 --> 00:08:35.340
and like, he kept going over. And so my dumb
00:08:35.340 --> 00:08:37.019
ass, of course, I'm raising my hand. I'm like,
00:08:37.080 --> 00:08:40.500
hey, I, and he says, yes, chief, do you have
00:08:40.500 --> 00:08:42.620
a question? I said, well, just what do we do?
00:08:43.799 --> 00:08:47.480
Dead silence, just nothing. And you could hear
00:08:47.480 --> 00:08:52.090
people just, what the fuck? Yeah. Because that
00:08:52.090 --> 00:08:54.409
was like the moment where you realized we're
00:08:54.409 --> 00:08:57.049
all expendable. We're all just numbers. And it
00:08:57.049 --> 00:09:00.190
really just drove it home for me to like go home
00:09:00.190 --> 00:09:02.929
and finish your time and just get out. That was
00:09:02.929 --> 00:09:05.250
a really like a heart -wrenching what the fuck
00:09:05.250 --> 00:09:07.330
moment for me. Yeah, that was one of those where
00:09:07.330 --> 00:09:10.110
you're like, wow, incredible. Yeah, it's crazy.
00:09:10.250 --> 00:09:12.509
But again, all these what the fuck moments that
00:09:12.509 --> 00:09:15.350
carry, it's like it carries emotion in it, which
00:09:15.350 --> 00:09:18.529
is interesting. I think I said what the fuck
00:09:18.529 --> 00:09:20.549
at least two or three times in Nashville traffic
00:09:20.549 --> 00:09:22.950
yesterday headed to the VA. But it makes you
00:09:22.950 --> 00:09:24.370
feel good after you say it. Yeah, it's like,
00:09:24.389 --> 00:09:25.789
what the fuck is your problem? It's a stress
00:09:25.789 --> 00:09:29.970
reliever. Folks, there are so many stories that
00:09:29.970 --> 00:09:31.809
Dave and I could tell about South Texas. With
00:09:31.809 --> 00:09:33.809
the name of our command being Rotational Crew
00:09:33.809 --> 00:09:36.950
Delta, at one point, I somehow ended up at a
00:09:36.950 --> 00:09:39.529
trailer in, was that a Ramses Pass? It was a
00:09:39.529 --> 00:09:41.870
Ramses Pass. And then that trailer became Delta
00:09:41.870 --> 00:09:44.809
House, as in from Animal House. The stories we
00:09:44.809 --> 00:09:48.080
could tell. From that alone would fill up a podcast.
00:09:48.460 --> 00:09:50.620
Some of the best times of my life, man. Yeah.
00:09:52.500 --> 00:09:55.250
I think it was the day that I moved in. I believe
00:09:55.250 --> 00:09:59.269
there was a roach infestation problem in the
00:09:59.269 --> 00:10:01.809
trailer. I think the trailer was in his name.
00:10:01.970 --> 00:10:04.370
Was that Drew? It was Drew. I was walking around
00:10:04.370 --> 00:10:05.970
and I was seeing fucking cockroaches everywhere.
00:10:06.330 --> 00:10:07.929
I'm like, oh, there's another one. And I remember
00:10:07.929 --> 00:10:10.190
he picked up a piece of board or a 2x4 or something
00:10:10.190 --> 00:10:12.210
and just slammed that motherfucker into oblivion.
00:10:12.289 --> 00:10:15.029
He's like, not no more. I'm like, what the fuck?
00:10:16.830 --> 00:10:18.929
That's a pretty tame one that I could tell. So
00:10:18.929 --> 00:10:21.490
if that sets the tone, then you know where we're
00:10:21.490 --> 00:10:23.580
headed with this. I do have another. trailer
00:10:23.580 --> 00:10:27.480
moment where I woke up one morning after being
00:10:27.480 --> 00:10:30.399
out and I'm sure that we were at legs and my
00:10:30.399 --> 00:10:33.340
car was parked kind of just in the street. I
00:10:33.340 --> 00:10:34.779
mean, it was like, you know, you're pulling the
00:10:34.779 --> 00:10:37.159
trailer park and there's a little kind of pseudo
00:10:37.159 --> 00:10:39.779
street within the park. And my, my car was just
00:10:39.779 --> 00:10:42.179
parked randomly in the street. And it's because
00:10:42.179 --> 00:10:45.340
we had got so shit faced the night before that
00:10:45.340 --> 00:10:47.200
I, and I shouldn't have even drove home and I
00:10:47.200 --> 00:10:49.980
did. And I apparently got back to the trailer
00:10:49.980 --> 00:10:54.320
and just parked wherever the fuck. And I woke
00:10:54.320 --> 00:10:55.720
up the next morning and I was like, what the
00:10:55.720 --> 00:10:57.639
fuck? Like, I couldn't, I don't remember getting
00:10:57.639 --> 00:11:01.460
home. Yeah. Good times. Lucky that I never. Oh,
00:11:01.500 --> 00:11:03.620
all of us were lucky. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Way too
00:11:03.620 --> 00:11:06.379
many times that I shouldn't have driven home
00:11:06.379 --> 00:11:09.500
or driving home saying, what the fuck am I doing?
00:11:11.320 --> 00:11:13.100
I'm going to share one more story from there.
00:11:13.259 --> 00:11:15.360
But this isn't a what the fuck from my perspective.
00:11:15.399 --> 00:11:16.960
This is going to be a what the fuck from somebody
00:11:16.960 --> 00:11:19.299
else's perspective. It was my birthday day. There
00:11:19.299 --> 00:11:22.480
was a certain member of our. pack that was dating
00:11:22.480 --> 00:11:25.480
someone from legs. And she went by the stage
00:11:25.480 --> 00:11:28.200
named Domino. Interesting. Yeah. Cool kiss song.
00:11:28.299 --> 00:11:29.960
And it was a cool song for her to dance to. And
00:11:29.960 --> 00:11:32.480
she kind of fit the role. I was at the trailer
00:11:32.480 --> 00:11:34.159
and it was like eight o 'clock at night. I knew
00:11:34.159 --> 00:11:36.600
she was coming over. Little did I know that the
00:11:36.600 --> 00:11:38.759
sailor that she was dating. put her up to something,
00:11:38.879 --> 00:11:41.220
and told her that it was my birthday. Sounds
00:11:41.220 --> 00:11:44.039
like a good dude. Yeah, I think this sailor was
00:11:44.039 --> 00:11:45.740
on duty that night, so he wasn't there to witness
00:11:45.740 --> 00:11:48.419
this. But another one of our shipmates, Wiggy,
00:11:48.500 --> 00:11:50.639
he'd never been to Delta House, so he was coming
00:11:50.639 --> 00:11:53.480
over for the first time to witness what goes
00:11:53.480 --> 00:11:55.960
on. So I'm sitting there at the trailer, and
00:11:55.960 --> 00:11:58.419
Domino comes walking in, and she said, Happy
00:11:58.419 --> 00:12:01.539
birthday, Jake. And I said, Thanks. And she proceeded
00:12:01.539 --> 00:12:04.460
to cue up Domino and she sat my ass in a chair
00:12:04.460 --> 00:12:06.740
and she gave me a lap dance that I'll never forget.
00:12:07.000 --> 00:12:09.759
And during the course of that, Wiggy walks in
00:12:09.759 --> 00:12:13.820
the door and the look on his face, he didn't
00:12:13.820 --> 00:12:17.039
even need to say it. It was on his face. I knew
00:12:17.039 --> 00:12:19.600
her. So, you know, it wasn't really a big deal.
00:12:19.600 --> 00:12:21.480
But from somebody else's perspective, that was
00:12:21.480 --> 00:12:24.379
a pretty cool what the fuck. I've never heard
00:12:24.379 --> 00:12:26.759
that story from that perspective. You've never
00:12:26.759 --> 00:12:28.759
heard it, no. I mean, can you imagine being Wiggy
00:12:28.759 --> 00:12:31.360
in that moment, though? Getting invited to someone's
00:12:31.360 --> 00:12:34.379
house for the first time. He was so excited.
00:12:34.460 --> 00:12:36.080
That whole day, he was so excited. He's like,
00:12:36.139 --> 00:12:37.879
yeah, this is cool. I finally get to see Delta
00:12:37.879 --> 00:12:39.519
House. And he walks in. That's the first thing
00:12:39.519 --> 00:12:43.779
he sees. So there's another guy, we'll just call
00:12:43.779 --> 00:12:47.240
him Grimmy. Oh, my God. I know where this is
00:12:47.240 --> 00:12:49.600
going. One of the first times he came to, this
00:12:49.600 --> 00:12:52.039
was Delta House 2 now, but one of the first times
00:12:52.039 --> 00:12:55.299
he came, we were, of course, inebriated. And
00:12:55.299 --> 00:12:58.059
we said, hey, we need you to be initiated into
00:12:58.059 --> 00:13:00.899
Delta House. And we forced him. to strip down
00:13:00.899 --> 00:13:03.779
butt naked and run down the street back and forth.
00:13:04.059 --> 00:13:06.019
And we were friends with some of the cops in
00:13:06.019 --> 00:13:08.200
town. So, of course, we queued up one of the
00:13:08.200 --> 00:13:10.899
police officers to randomly come by at the same
00:13:10.899 --> 00:13:13.700
time when he was running. And it was, I've never
00:13:13.700 --> 00:13:18.360
laughed so hard in my life. He not only did it,
00:13:18.379 --> 00:13:21.620
but there was a bar behind this trailer park.
00:13:21.759 --> 00:13:23.659
So he not only did it, we told him he had to
00:13:23.659 --> 00:13:25.879
run around the block. He not only did that, he
00:13:25.879 --> 00:13:27.860
ran into the bar, through the bar, and out the
00:13:27.860 --> 00:13:29.740
other side, the other door through the bar and
00:13:29.740 --> 00:13:32.600
back. Oh, my gosh. Then when he got back, we're
00:13:32.600 --> 00:13:35.779
like, yeah, none of us ever did that. Yeah, so
00:13:35.779 --> 00:13:38.860
again, a secondhand perspective, what the fuck,
00:13:38.860 --> 00:13:41.299
from him was probably like, what the fuck? Yeah.
00:13:42.019 --> 00:13:47.909
Oh, my gosh. So many good memories. Yeah. So
00:13:47.909 --> 00:13:50.110
I'll tell you a recent what the fuck story. We
00:13:50.110 --> 00:13:52.009
got called to a house. They had a small kitchen
00:13:52.009 --> 00:13:54.269
fire. I showed up at the house. There's two guys
00:13:54.269 --> 00:13:56.250
living in the house. We walked in and they said,
00:13:56.269 --> 00:13:57.730
do you guys have to go down in the basement?
00:13:57.950 --> 00:13:59.289
And I was like, we have to inspect the whole
00:13:59.289 --> 00:14:01.669
house because there was a fire. There's water
00:14:01.669 --> 00:14:03.470
that's used to put out the fire. That water travels
00:14:03.470 --> 00:14:05.190
down. We have to inspect the whole house. Were
00:14:05.190 --> 00:14:06.809
they asking if you had to go down to the basement?
00:14:07.029 --> 00:14:09.950
Okay. Like nervously. And I said, yeah, we have
00:14:09.950 --> 00:14:12.370
to go down there. And they were like, well, okay,
00:14:12.549 --> 00:14:14.450
can you just give us a few minutes? And I was
00:14:14.450 --> 00:14:16.950
like, okay, is there somebody locked up? What
00:14:16.950 --> 00:14:19.909
is going on? So one guy runs down there, comes
00:14:19.909 --> 00:14:21.389
back up, and he's like, all right, well, whatever,
00:14:21.570 --> 00:14:24.250
let's just do it. And I go down there, and there
00:14:24.250 --> 00:14:26.470
was, I don't know, six or seven of those, like,
00:14:26.490 --> 00:14:31.139
eight -foot fold -up tables full of dildos. Never
00:14:31.139 --> 00:14:32.860
seen that before. So I walked out and stopped
00:14:32.860 --> 00:14:35.340
kind of dead in my tracks and realized I stopped.
00:14:35.480 --> 00:14:37.440
So I forced myself to keep walking because they
00:14:37.440 --> 00:14:39.279
were behind me. And in my head, I'm like, what
00:14:39.279 --> 00:14:41.820
the fuck? Because number one, who needs that
00:14:41.820 --> 00:14:47.399
many? Well, it turns out, it turns out they actually,
00:14:47.460 --> 00:14:49.919
they manufactured these. They had molds and they
00:14:49.919 --> 00:14:51.259
manufactured them and sell them and they were
00:14:51.259 --> 00:14:53.500
embarrassed. OK. And I was like, guys, don't
00:14:53.500 --> 00:14:55.559
worry about it. This is actually if you're making
00:14:55.559 --> 00:14:58.039
money. Cool. Then I had to think about what do
00:14:58.039 --> 00:15:00.480
you have to come down here to hide that this
00:15:00.480 --> 00:15:02.899
was the stuff they left behind. Right. Right.
00:15:03.860 --> 00:15:05.700
I thought about that for a while. Oh, my God.
00:15:05.840 --> 00:15:07.620
What the fuck was this guy hiding if that was
00:15:07.620 --> 00:15:09.799
what they left behind? It's interesting to see
00:15:09.799 --> 00:15:11.980
some of the ways people live and the things that
00:15:11.980 --> 00:15:14.299
they do. And I'm going to share one more story
00:15:14.299 --> 00:15:18.220
I have, which sums up. For me, the ubiquitousness
00:15:18.220 --> 00:15:20.419
of the what the fuck statement. That was a big
00:15:20.419 --> 00:15:21.960
fucking word, Dave. I looked that one up ahead
00:15:21.960 --> 00:15:24.659
of time. So when my wife and I first decided
00:15:24.659 --> 00:15:27.159
that we wanted to have kids, you know, my wife's
00:15:27.159 --> 00:15:29.340
on a pill for however many years ahead of time.
00:15:29.360 --> 00:15:31.639
And everyone said, oh, dude, it'll take a year.
00:15:31.759 --> 00:15:34.379
It's like two years because, you know, your body's
00:15:34.379 --> 00:15:36.019
got to adjust, whatever. So I was like, all right,
00:15:36.019 --> 00:15:38.960
whatever. So she stops taking the pill. And I
00:15:38.960 --> 00:15:41.700
was like, well, now we just get to go at it all
00:15:41.700 --> 00:15:44.039
the time. This is wonderful. Of course, what
00:15:44.039 --> 00:15:46.379
happens like three weeks into it, she's like,
00:15:46.419 --> 00:15:48.940
hey, I'm pregnant. I'm like, what the fuck? I
00:15:48.940 --> 00:15:55.200
was happy, but I was also sad. There goes that
00:15:55.200 --> 00:15:58.740
plan. Yeah. So nine months go by. We're in the
00:15:58.740 --> 00:16:01.519
hospital and she had a scheduled induction because
00:16:01.519 --> 00:16:04.460
she was already like four days late. So we get
00:16:04.460 --> 00:16:06.039
to the hospital like six o 'clock in the morning.
00:16:06.080 --> 00:16:08.559
They induce her. It takes. hours for this stuff
00:16:08.559 --> 00:16:10.159
to start kicking in so she starts going into
00:16:10.159 --> 00:16:13.059
labor and it was all day that she was in labor
00:16:13.059 --> 00:16:15.360
and it was i mean and her and i were both like
00:16:15.360 --> 00:16:18.259
what the fuck like right she finally gets to
00:16:18.259 --> 00:16:19.460
the point where she's like the doctor's like
00:16:19.460 --> 00:16:21.519
okay you can start pushing so her mom had been
00:16:21.519 --> 00:16:23.799
there with us all day also i hadn't really been
00:16:23.799 --> 00:16:27.019
paying attention to her much but she Wasn't eating
00:16:27.019 --> 00:16:29.899
anything. So in the middle of my wife starting
00:16:29.899 --> 00:16:33.019
to push, my mother -in -law all of a sudden has
00:16:33.019 --> 00:16:35.940
this, and she passes out onto the floor. And
00:16:35.940 --> 00:16:39.299
I'm like, what the fuck? So all the doctors go
00:16:39.299 --> 00:16:41.299
rushing over to her. Meanwhile, my wife is sitting
00:16:41.299 --> 00:16:42.899
there with her legs up in the air like, what
00:16:42.899 --> 00:16:47.159
the fuck? So I get my mother -in -law out. Well,
00:16:47.220 --> 00:16:49.120
now my father -in -law wants to come in to find
00:16:49.120 --> 00:16:50.980
out why my mother -in -law passed out. And my
00:16:50.980 --> 00:16:52.960
wife is like, get the fuck out. Like, so she's
00:16:52.960 --> 00:16:55.980
freaking out. Oh, my God. So finally it's determined
00:16:55.980 --> 00:16:57.399
that the baby's not going to come. They have
00:16:57.399 --> 00:17:00.860
to do a C -section. So wheel her in at 1030 at
00:17:00.860 --> 00:17:03.480
night, have her do a C -section. Baby comes out,
00:17:03.559 --> 00:17:05.619
and they hand the baby to me, and I was like,
00:17:05.740 --> 00:17:07.839
oh, my God, what the fuck? Like, it was amazing.
00:17:08.400 --> 00:17:10.279
It was an amazing what the fuck, yeah. But then
00:17:10.279 --> 00:17:11.960
they're like, you know, we need to take her and
00:17:11.960 --> 00:17:14.880
whatever. So two nights before this, I had watched
00:17:14.880 --> 00:17:17.519
some stupid documentary about babies being switched
00:17:17.519 --> 00:17:20.269
at the hospital. Not on purpose, but like they,
00:17:20.329 --> 00:17:22.109
whatever. So I was like, I am staying with my
00:17:22.109 --> 00:17:24.089
kid. And the doctor's like, no, no, it's fine.
00:17:24.190 --> 00:17:26.470
I'm like, you don't understand. That's mine.
00:17:26.569 --> 00:17:28.410
I'm not leaving this kid. And I had to argue
00:17:28.410 --> 00:17:29.809
with this doctor. So finally they're like, fine,
00:17:29.869 --> 00:17:31.930
you can walk and you can walk through the window,
00:17:31.970 --> 00:17:34.250
whatever. They get her into the nursery and I'm
00:17:34.250 --> 00:17:36.769
like, okay, she's safe. My bracelet matches hers
00:17:36.769 --> 00:17:38.470
and so on. So I go back in and talk to my wife.
00:17:38.509 --> 00:17:40.109
I'm like, she's good. They wheel her into the
00:17:40.109 --> 00:17:42.589
room. And all I wanted to do at that point was
00:17:42.589 --> 00:17:44.690
just sleep for a couple hours. I was exhausted.
00:17:44.690 --> 00:17:47.430
My wife was exhausted. So the doctor's like,
00:17:47.509 --> 00:17:49.170
don't worry about it. We'll see you in the morning
00:17:49.170 --> 00:17:51.190
kind of a thing. We might have to wake you up
00:17:51.190 --> 00:17:54.089
just to nurse. And my wife's like, fine. So we
00:17:54.089 --> 00:17:56.710
literally just lay down, go to bed. 15 minutes
00:17:56.710 --> 00:17:58.670
later, they're coming in with the baby. I'm like,
00:17:58.710 --> 00:18:00.789
come on, what the fuck? And they're like, yeah,
00:18:00.809 --> 00:18:02.690
you got a nurse. So she does. Baby's crying.
00:18:03.130 --> 00:18:04.769
Can't soothe her. Finally gets her to nurse.
00:18:04.890 --> 00:18:07.109
And then they leave. Oh, good. Go to bed. And
00:18:07.109 --> 00:18:11.410
I get very angry if I can't sleep. So I'm already
00:18:11.410 --> 00:18:13.069
kind of ratcheting it up a little bit. So I finally
00:18:13.069 --> 00:18:14.769
go back to sleep. And literally 20 minutes later,
00:18:14.869 --> 00:18:17.250
they come in. Baby's crying again. And they're
00:18:17.250 --> 00:18:18.829
like, I'm sorry. We can't soothe her. She's going
00:18:18.829 --> 00:18:21.009
to have to stay with you guys. And I remember
00:18:21.009 --> 00:18:23.109
looking my wife in the eye. And I was like, what
00:18:23.109 --> 00:18:25.289
the fuck? Because all I wanted to do was sleep.
00:18:25.490 --> 00:18:27.890
And she knows me. So she's like, just try to
00:18:27.890 --> 00:18:29.710
sleep. I'll be fine. She can just sleep with
00:18:29.710 --> 00:18:33.680
me. This kid would not stop crying. Oh, my God.
00:18:33.839 --> 00:18:36.279
Like, it's one of those moments where the what
00:18:36.279 --> 00:18:38.400
the fuck moments throughout the day were all
00:18:38.400 --> 00:18:41.019
over the place. I don't even know how to sum
00:18:41.019 --> 00:18:44.420
it up except the next day after I did get a couple
00:18:44.420 --> 00:18:46.490
hours of sleep. It was all great. Like it was,
00:18:46.549 --> 00:18:48.569
you look back and you can laugh now. Folks, the
00:18:48.569 --> 00:18:50.809
last time I saw Dave, if I had to guess, it might've
00:18:50.809 --> 00:18:53.930
been 2000, early 2001. And I was a Navy recruiter
00:18:53.930 --> 00:18:56.150
in Washington, New Jersey. And they were doing
00:18:56.150 --> 00:18:58.589
this new program where they were allowing recruiters
00:18:58.589 --> 00:19:00.789
to go to Great Lakes for a week, kind of get
00:19:00.789 --> 00:19:03.049
a taste of what bootcamp is like currently. Because
00:19:03.049 --> 00:19:05.009
I had been to bootcamp like 20 years before then.
00:19:05.049 --> 00:19:06.609
So a lot of things had changed. So I volunteered
00:19:06.609 --> 00:19:08.349
to do it. Like a lot of the recruiters didn't
00:19:08.349 --> 00:19:10.269
want to do it. They're like, oh, fuck no. I wanted
00:19:10.269 --> 00:19:12.009
to do it for two reasons. One, because I wanted
00:19:12.009 --> 00:19:14.029
to be able to tell my recruits what's new. And
00:19:14.029 --> 00:19:15.809
then also, too, because I knew Dave was out there
00:19:15.809 --> 00:19:17.569
and I called Dave and Dave was like, fuck yeah,
00:19:17.650 --> 00:19:19.529
man. And I remember having a great time out there
00:19:19.529 --> 00:19:21.190
in Chicago, but it was during the wintertime.
00:19:21.250 --> 00:19:23.609
So it was cold as balls. I was like, yeah, that
00:19:23.609 --> 00:19:26.829
hasn't changed. Holy crap. I remember when I
00:19:26.829 --> 00:19:28.750
was in bootcamp, man, the day that we graduated,
00:19:28.849 --> 00:19:31.650
December 7th, and it was like minus 30 below
00:19:31.650 --> 00:19:32.869
with the wind chill or something. It was like
00:19:32.869 --> 00:19:35.349
stupid cold. Get on the plane. I'm in my dress
00:19:35.349 --> 00:19:37.009
blues with my peacoat and everything. And they
00:19:37.009 --> 00:19:39.400
flew me to Norfolk. So I could get a damn neck
00:19:39.400 --> 00:19:42.240
from my A school. So from like minus 36 below
00:19:42.240 --> 00:19:45.220
in Chicago to like 72 in Virginia Beach. Yeah.
00:19:45.299 --> 00:19:48.200
So the big temperature change, I'm sure when
00:19:48.200 --> 00:19:50.299
I got off the plane and it was warm and I'm in
00:19:50.299 --> 00:19:51.940
this Pico and I'm sure my first words were, what
00:19:51.940 --> 00:19:55.660
the fuck? But a good way. I'm sure. Yeah. Yeah.
00:19:56.019 --> 00:19:58.619
Great Lakes gets fucking cold. Yeah, dude. And
00:19:58.619 --> 00:20:00.960
the wind, the wind rips off Lake Michigan and
00:20:00.960 --> 00:20:04.230
it's bitter. One more work story for you. Sure.
00:20:04.349 --> 00:20:06.609
Was called out to a customer. The plumber that
00:20:06.609 --> 00:20:08.230
was on site actually called us out there because
00:20:08.230 --> 00:20:10.430
they were fixing a sewer line. So I don't exactly
00:20:10.430 --> 00:20:11.950
remember what happened, but something happened
00:20:11.950 --> 00:20:13.769
out in the yard. The sewer line collapsed. So
00:20:13.769 --> 00:20:16.089
the entire sewer system was full of water, which
00:20:16.089 --> 00:20:18.250
is what happens if the line collapses, the water
00:20:18.250 --> 00:20:20.089
has nowhere to go. So they had to replace the
00:20:20.089 --> 00:20:22.509
sewer line. So in the basements, most of the
00:20:22.509 --> 00:20:24.990
Chicago suburb homes, the sewer lines are called
00:20:24.990 --> 00:20:27.109
overhead lines, right? Which means they're actually
00:20:27.109 --> 00:20:29.470
like up near the ceiling and they run out from
00:20:29.470 --> 00:20:31.529
there. Very, very old houses, the sewer lines
00:20:31.529 --> 00:20:33.660
are underground. So you'll actually see the pipe
00:20:33.660 --> 00:20:34.920
kind of running right through the foundation.
00:20:35.119 --> 00:20:37.440
So this guy's working on an overhead sewer line
00:20:37.710 --> 00:20:39.990
So you imagine he's got his hands up in the air
00:20:39.990 --> 00:20:42.089
working the sewer line. Setting the stage here,
00:20:42.150 --> 00:20:46.430
I see. And he somehow decouples the line from
00:20:46.430 --> 00:20:50.529
the flange. And it literally fell right in, like
00:20:50.529 --> 00:20:52.930
this line came down right into his face. And
00:20:52.930 --> 00:20:56.430
he took about 30 gallons of sewage water straight
00:20:56.430 --> 00:20:59.369
into his face. And I was on the other side of
00:20:59.369 --> 00:21:01.650
the basement looking at him. And he just stood
00:21:01.650 --> 00:21:04.269
there mortified that this was happening. Eventually
00:21:04.269 --> 00:21:07.359
moved out of the way. And I remember. Initially
00:21:07.359 --> 00:21:11.160
being horrified that this guy's now got toilet
00:21:11.160 --> 00:21:16.339
paper and shit on him. To muttering the, what
00:21:16.339 --> 00:21:21.640
the fuck just happened? To immediate laughter.
00:21:21.819 --> 00:21:23.960
And I don't know, again, maybe this is a guy
00:21:23.960 --> 00:21:26.339
thing, but like we always tend to laugh at each
00:21:26.339 --> 00:21:28.509
other when. Things go wrong. Inappropriately.
00:21:28.569 --> 00:21:32.029
Yes. And I was literally crying out of my eyes
00:21:32.029 --> 00:21:34.730
laughing at this guy. And he was just spitting
00:21:34.730 --> 00:21:37.009
out. I mean, just I felt bad for him, but I couldn't
00:21:37.009 --> 00:21:39.549
stop myself. And he said, God damn it. I can't
00:21:39.549 --> 00:21:41.930
believe this happened again. Which means. Oh,
00:21:41.970 --> 00:21:46.089
my God. He did it once and didn't learn. And
00:21:46.089 --> 00:21:50.250
then I was like, oh, my God. Pardon the fun,
00:21:50.410 --> 00:21:55.289
but holy shit. Yeah, exactly. Oh, I bet there
00:21:55.289 --> 00:21:56.750
was plenty of shit jokes the rest of that day.
00:21:56.849 --> 00:21:59.009
Oh, man. I still talk to that guy, too, and he
00:21:59.009 --> 00:22:00.730
told me that that happened one more time.