July 2, 2025
The 4th Hole
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Buckle up, because this one’s a flaming dumpster on roller skates. Jake drags one of his wild-ass Texas friends onto the show and the vibes go off the rails immediately. JaeJae hijacks the mic with her sad, sweaty, rage-filled tales from the frontlines of menopause—she’s hot, she’s pissed, and nobody’s safe.
Then the crew wades into the swamp of arguing with stupid people (pro tip: don’t bother), but it’s JaeJae’s Amazon return story that really sends this episode off a cliff. One minute it’s a return gift-horse, the next it’s MONSTER SMUT and absolute chaos. No survivors. No explanations. Just pure, glorious, WTF mayhem.
Hit play. Regret nothing.
WEBVTT
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Stop making me feel all self -conscious. I'll
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have to touch my boobies. Calm myself down. Hey,
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this is JJ, and I'm fondling myself, and you're
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listening to What the F***. I love Niecy Nash.
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Oh, my God. That woman could suffocate me with
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them titties. They need to crack a book that
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starts with the word dick and ends with shenary.
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I did not realize we were going to have this.
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this much good stuff. You were not mentally prepared?
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No, and I'm glad. I have no filter sometimes.
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Being mentally prepared is for fucking losers.
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TMI should be my middle name. I want that shit
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smashed in my face, man. Watch this right here.
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Watch. But it like, it went through. Really?
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Fucking dog. It went. Were you having weird kinky
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sex? No. What do they call it? The fourth hole?
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Yeah. We're not editing any of this shit out.
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I do have a hole in the back of my thigh. Fuck
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yeah, you do. Because I fell on a piece of rebar
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and stabbed myself. Whatever helps you sleep
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at night, kiddo. Be your nuggets. Be fucking
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you up. No, I actually quit drinking those. Or
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quit eating those. Let me tell you what I did
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today, though. Hey, this is JJ, and you're listening
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to What The F... Today on What the Fuck, in 1994,
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a very young Jake was being transferred from
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Roanoke, Virginia, Navy recruiting duty to Rotational
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Crew Delta in Ingleside, Texas. So I don't know
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exactly. If it was 1994 that I met JJ, but it
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was... No, 95. 95. I was living off base with
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my buddy Dave and a few other pals. And because
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of the name of our command, we titled our trailer
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Delta House. And we lived up to the reputation
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of Delta House, Animal House. And JJ quickly
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became a Delta groupie. And that's kind of the
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best way to put it. I like that. Would you agree
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with that there, JJ? In the beginning, absolutely.
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But at some point within the first year, I morphed
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into less of a groupie and more of one of you.
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Yeah. Because I was in on the pranks. I was in
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on the smack talking. I was coming up with the
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crap to do. So, JJ, you were active duty Navy?
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I was not. I was a teenager. I had just graduated
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high school at 94. Get square the fuck out of
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town. Yeah. She wasn't even legal. I was making
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assumptions that you were. Yeah, I know. How
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dare you assume, Don? You were a fucking squid
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like the rest lives. And I get it. I get it.
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But I'm Gen X and we don't give a fuck. Yeah,
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we just. No, I had just finished school. I thought
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maybe you were Navy girl. JJ was actually mentioned
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on the episode with. Well, actually, she's been
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mentioned on two episodes, one with Dave. They
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call her Domino. So we mentioned JJ. there. The
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other episode, I don't remember. The onions.
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The one with the onions. We were at some club.
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We got hungry. We said, let's go to Whataburger,
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grab a burger. And we went there. We drove back
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to the club before we decided to eat our food.
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And that's when I bit into the sandwich and discovered
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it had onions. And JJ got behind the wheel and
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she drove us barreled back to the Whataburger.
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She chucked that burger across the counter and
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she said, what part of no fucking onions do you
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not understand? It was amazing to watch. I hate
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onions. That does, in fact, sound amazing. And
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we Thank you from a long line of sailors that
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we meet people like you. The story itself is
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funny. But what is really funny is my personality
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back then was more fun loving and I was not very
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confrontational. So for me to lose my shit, everybody
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was mind boggling. No, JJ didn't do that. Yeah,
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dude, she did. Yeah, we came up with our little
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tradition. We would have parties and at the end
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of the party, you always knew that the party
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was over. When we would start singing karaoke
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and the very last song would be The River by
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Garth Brooks. And JJ would get up there and sing
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it with me and do the harmony parts. That's when
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you knew, when you heard The River, start winding
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down. Get with whoever you're going to get with.
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Drink up because this is it. Were you there the
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day that we told Grammy that he had to streak?
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Yes, I was. I watched it. I laughed. It was my
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favorite thing. Back then, Grammy was the absolute...
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Crush of my heart, love of my life. I wanted
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him so bad. And he's a cop now. Yep. He was the
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most clean cut one, but he really wanted to be
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a part of Delta House. So he came over one night
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and we told him that if you really want to do
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this, then everyone here has done this. You need
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to streak around the trailer park. You know,
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nothing on but your tennis shoes. He did his
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part. He did. And he exceeded that. There was
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a bar behind the trailer park. Oh, God bless
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him. He ran out and ran into the front door of
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the bar, through the bar, through the back door
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and came back. He was a overachiever. Well, and
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when you say that he was clean cut, what? he
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means by that it's not only his appearance was
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clean cut but you could make him blush by saying
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pussy like he would just Flaming red. He was
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a nice boy. Really? He was a good boy. He was
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just a good kid. And he whipped out his Johnson
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and ran through a fucking bar. Ran through a
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bar. Love that guy already. And then when he
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got back, we promptly told him that none of us
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had done that. Is this young man still around?
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Oh, absolutely. He's a cop in Michigan. We need
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his ass on this motherfucking show. I'd be like,
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listen. He's adorable. Don't pull any punches,
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man. I mean, officer. Officer. Sergeant. The
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invitation has already been made. That's awesome.
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That is the best. Actually, that's one of the
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best things. That's why I say my relationship
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with you guys started off as groupie and morphed
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into something else because I'm still friends
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with all of these people today. Oh, yeah. We
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talk and stuff. Nice. I've been very lucky. I
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told Dave last night, I said, JJ's coming on
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the show. He's like, holy shit. Yeah. That's
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fucking great, man. See, I love stories like
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that because, yeah, that's good stuff. Yeah,
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friendship. So, JJ, you've been listening to
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the show. Always. So you know what we do here.
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Last time you thought it, said it, screamed it.
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10 minutes before I got around here? So I am
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officially into menopause. Up until now, it's
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really just been like the hot flashes, the heat.
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You know, like I'm so hot. And I get hot enough
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that I like, I mean, it gets bad enough you throw
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up and it's a horrible thing. You feel like you're
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on fire. But here in the last couple of months,
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it's been more like this emotional roller coaster
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from hell. And anytime this bitch wants to let
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me off, I'll be appreciative of it because this
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is bullshit. I am crying over a fucking meme
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on Facebook. I mean, like, what the? And then
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literally, and I'm not kidding, literally my
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husband rolls in on his wheelchair and I'm like,
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what the fuck do you want, Tubby? I mean, you're
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breathing. Can you just fucking not? Is this
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just now happening to you in menopause? I'm starting
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to hit Perry and I'm already like that. For me
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and Perry, it was a lot less. It was like these
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long stretches. It don't take much to make Sammy
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cry these days. For the most part, you know,
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I was having the anger issues kind of a thing
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up until now. It's more like, oh, you're breathing.
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Oh, you're chewing funny. Oh, you blinked. You
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know, I mean, it's stupid stuff. But, you know,
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that's what was breathing my air. Yeah. Don't
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look at me. I'll see my ADHD has had me that
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way in my whole life. Yeah. What you call stupid
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stuff is a lifestyle for me. Not anymore. I've
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chilled out. Yeah, and I tend to be a very optimistic
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person. I'm usually in a good mood. If I'm in
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a bad mood, something's wrong. And so for me
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to be this dragon lady from hell. Yeah. Sammy
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and I talk about this, JJ, all the time about
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our ADHD because we've been diagnosed with this
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shit. We take fucking medication. Yeah. Somebody
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told me this. Somebody smarter than I. It said,
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listen, if you wake up in the morning and you
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meet an asshole, you know what happened? You
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met an asshole. Yeah. But if you wake up every
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single day and you meet an asshole, you are the
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asshole. And that was a formative day in my life.
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I was like, holy fucking shit. I am the asshole.
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I am the Karen, the Ken, the fuck you guy. And
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everybody around you was like, you're just not
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figuring this out. Yeah, I didn't want to do
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that shit anymore. I mean, listen, Jake and I
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have worked together long enough where he's seen.
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I mean, I used to be, I'd get very emotional
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about some shit. But now, I just. And likewise,
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you've seen me get sporty. Oh, God. Yeah, we've
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gotten sporty as fuck, dude. And we're just now.
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It's like, man, I'll just love life too much.
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We've gotten sporty with each other. Absolutely.
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We have. Give the fuck. Yeah. I think that's
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what makes our relationship so good, though.
00:08:40.620 --> 00:08:43.710
Yeah. We are. vehemently opposed on certain subjects
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and we don't give a fuck. Yeah. I mean, none.
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Yeah. I've just gotten to that point in life.
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I'm like, I'm not going to argue with stupid.
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I'm not arguing with anybody. I used to, I used
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to be that way. I'd want to argue or, you know,
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I'd want to be right. Well, and I don't care.
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If you want to talk about it and have a conversation,
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we can have a conversation. I can say I hate
00:09:05.110 --> 00:09:07.750
such and such, but I can still listen to you
00:09:07.750 --> 00:09:10.129
and respect that you may have those views. I'm
00:09:10.129 --> 00:09:11.750
just going to tell you. That's great that you
00:09:11.750 --> 00:09:14.809
do. I don't. I'm happy for you. We're still buddies.
00:09:14.950 --> 00:09:18.110
We're good. I usually am able to do that. There
00:09:18.110 --> 00:09:20.509
have been a few occasions, like I said, you can't
00:09:20.509 --> 00:09:22.129
argue with stupid. And if you're just going to
00:09:22.129 --> 00:09:25.480
not be willing to listen. then it's just not
00:09:25.480 --> 00:09:27.860
worth talking to you about. And that, I think,
00:09:27.860 --> 00:09:29.700
is a bigger problem. People don't want to listen
00:09:29.700 --> 00:09:31.679
to the other person. People want to be right.
00:09:31.779 --> 00:09:33.779
You're exactly right, Jake. Yeah, you want to
00:09:33.779 --> 00:09:35.820
be right. Jake and I spoke about this three years
00:09:35.820 --> 00:09:38.440
ago when we started on this journey of trying
00:09:38.440 --> 00:09:41.559
to figure out Jake's brainchild to do this podcast.
00:09:41.879 --> 00:09:45.100
And we just started it recently. But it was going
00:09:45.100 --> 00:09:47.580
to be Jake and I in our opposition to politics.
00:09:47.799 --> 00:09:49.440
And we don't talk about politics on this show
00:09:49.440 --> 00:09:52.360
for a reason. No, and as you shouldn't. No, we
00:09:52.360 --> 00:09:54.409
don't. Politics aren't fucking fun. funny no
00:09:54.409 --> 00:09:58.950
you know i'm funny politics but anyway the point
00:09:58.950 --> 00:10:02.070
is that the stupid part is that people will not
00:10:02.070 --> 00:10:04.450
flex if they hear it if they think feel or believe
00:10:04.450 --> 00:10:05.649
and i'll be the first guy to tell you i don't
00:10:05.649 --> 00:10:07.049
give a shit what you think feel or believe it
00:10:07.049 --> 00:10:09.289
does not matter to me one i oh yeah no yeah i
00:10:09.289 --> 00:10:11.190
want to know what you know yeah you know it's
00:10:11.190 --> 00:10:12.490
just like going to court doesn't matter what
00:10:12.490 --> 00:10:13.990
you believe it only matters what you can prove
00:10:13.990 --> 00:10:16.429
yeah exactly and another one is if you're scared
00:10:16.429 --> 00:10:19.320
of the answer Buy a motherfucking dog. Yeah.
00:10:20.220 --> 00:10:23.679
If you're scared, buy a dog. What? I got four.
00:10:24.139 --> 00:10:27.779
I like that. Take one. I'm not sure where that
00:10:27.779 --> 00:10:29.840
part of that conversation stemmed from. Probably
00:10:29.840 --> 00:10:32.620
me. If Don and I had pursued that original concept,
00:10:32.899 --> 00:10:34.879
the show wouldn't have lasted because everyone
00:10:34.879 --> 00:10:37.379
is fucking doing that, right? Yeah. There's only
00:10:37.379 --> 00:10:39.460
so much that you can argue about. And then it's
00:10:39.460 --> 00:10:41.759
the same shit day in and day out a lot of times.
00:10:41.940 --> 00:10:43.919
But here's the cool thing about what we're doing.
00:10:44.080 --> 00:10:46.799
There's going to be no shortage of material.
00:10:47.279 --> 00:10:49.480
Somebody is always going to be saying or wondering
00:10:49.480 --> 00:10:52.019
or yelling what the fuck at something that is
00:10:52.019 --> 00:10:54.120
happening in real time in their life. And it
00:10:54.120 --> 00:10:56.240
doesn't have to do with politics. It's everyday
00:10:56.240 --> 00:11:00.100
life. You make a very strong point there, Jake,
00:11:00.139 --> 00:11:05.940
because every fucking day, every day, some motherfucker.
00:11:07.129 --> 00:11:09.309
is driving in the left lane who needed to be
00:11:09.309 --> 00:11:12.409
all the way over in the right lane. Not the middle
00:11:12.409 --> 00:11:15.029
lane. The left lane, motherfuckers, is for crime.
00:11:15.309 --> 00:11:18.389
God damn it. Every day I'm left dealing with
00:11:18.389 --> 00:11:21.070
people that refuse to commit crimes in the name
00:11:21.070 --> 00:11:23.610
of sanity. If you in my lane, we committing crimes.
00:11:24.029 --> 00:11:30.929
We talked about this yesterday. So road rage
00:11:30.929 --> 00:11:33.210
is one of those things where you can talk off.
00:11:33.309 --> 00:11:35.429
You know what? Okay, I'll just go ahead and say
00:11:35.429 --> 00:11:38.399
it. Road rage is kind of like politics in the
00:11:38.399 --> 00:11:40.519
fact that it's always going to be there. People
00:11:40.519 --> 00:11:42.559
are always going to be screaming about it. OK,
00:11:42.639 --> 00:11:45.600
so we had to get that episode out of our system.
00:11:45.700 --> 00:11:48.299
It was building up to that. There were a couple
00:11:48.299 --> 00:11:50.700
episodes prior to that where we would kind of
00:11:50.700 --> 00:11:52.820
talk about it. And then finally, I don't know
00:11:52.820 --> 00:11:55.200
what happened. I think I opened it up with that
00:11:55.200 --> 00:11:57.639
crazy chick that was in a high -speed chase.
00:11:58.039 --> 00:12:00.799
Called AAA. Spiked her tires, and then she called
00:12:00.799 --> 00:12:03.940
AAA. And then from there, it just divulged to...
00:12:03.940 --> 00:12:06.000
At the end of the day, it really was a fun episode.
00:12:06.039 --> 00:12:08.480
It was. The only other what -the -fuck I've had
00:12:08.480 --> 00:12:12.019
happen was for my birthday back in April, a very
00:12:12.019 --> 00:12:15.500
good friend of mine sent me a Kindle ColorSoft.
00:12:15.879 --> 00:12:18.860
Which is a very nice, expensive gift. Nice. How
00:12:18.860 --> 00:12:22.440
do you like it? I didn't. I sent it back. Oh.
00:12:22.539 --> 00:12:25.139
Really? Okay. Was it because the coloring was
00:12:25.139 --> 00:12:27.580
funky and like had the yellow bar of light at
00:12:27.580 --> 00:12:29.720
the bottom? I use a Kindle to read. I don't read
00:12:29.720 --> 00:12:33.679
magazines. I don't read. So it did me no good.
00:12:33.840 --> 00:12:36.159
Unless you're reading comics and shit. Yeah.
00:12:36.460 --> 00:12:38.720
For me, it was just not the right product. But
00:12:38.720 --> 00:12:41.419
you sent it back. I sent it back. Yeah. $307.
00:12:42.350 --> 00:12:44.750
I waited for almost a month. My birthday was
00:12:44.750 --> 00:12:47.730
April 4th. I got it like the 5th. I sent it back
00:12:47.730 --> 00:12:51.490
on the 8th, May 20th. There was a blurb on there
00:12:51.490 --> 00:12:53.730
saying that there's a problem with your return.
00:12:53.929 --> 00:12:57.129
Please contact us. Contacted them. Turns out
00:12:57.129 --> 00:12:58.830
it was a backlog, whatever, blah, blah, blah.
00:12:58.970 --> 00:13:01.669
Talked to the people and they're very nice. They
00:13:01.669 --> 00:13:05.629
get me within two days. I had $307 back in my
00:13:05.629 --> 00:13:07.809
account, my credit. And I'm like, fantastic.
00:13:09.340 --> 00:13:11.580
This is amazing. So did you get a paperweight
00:13:11.580 --> 00:13:14.220
instead? No, I got the scribe. Oh, did you? Oh,
00:13:14.240 --> 00:13:16.019
you got the scribe. I went and got the scribe.
00:13:16.340 --> 00:13:18.960
Ordered that on like June 8th. And well, today,
00:13:19.299 --> 00:13:23.179
June 25th, I get an email saying your refund
00:13:23.179 --> 00:13:25.019
has been issued. What? So they're not going to
00:13:25.019 --> 00:13:28.159
send it to you? No, I've got another $307 in
00:13:28.159 --> 00:13:32.419
my Amazon account. She got the scribe and she
00:13:32.419 --> 00:13:38.120
got the refund. JJ is a fucking thief. But she's
00:13:38.120 --> 00:13:40.080
a thief due to somebody else's incompetence.
00:13:40.080 --> 00:13:42.960
Correct. Yeah, they just sent me the... And I
00:13:42.960 --> 00:13:45.759
love exploiting other people's incompetence.
00:13:45.860 --> 00:13:48.259
That's a real nice gift horse. So now I'm sitting
00:13:48.259 --> 00:13:52.279
here. Big fan. Moral fucking dilemma. Because...
00:13:52.279 --> 00:13:55.639
So I call my mother. Because what do I do, Jake,
00:13:55.659 --> 00:13:57.480
when I need something? I call mommy. What did
00:13:57.480 --> 00:14:00.080
mom say? Mom said. Just use that money towards
00:14:00.080 --> 00:14:03.840
buying books to put on your Kindle. I told mom
00:14:03.840 --> 00:14:06.659
and she said. If I had $300 to spend on Kindle
00:14:06.659 --> 00:14:09.159
books, I would go insane. She was fantastic.
00:14:09.220 --> 00:14:11.419
I said, mom, I got a moral dilemma. And she taught
00:14:11.419 --> 00:14:14.419
me how to be an asshole and a bad person. And
00:14:14.419 --> 00:14:16.320
she, I tell her what happened. And she starts
00:14:16.320 --> 00:14:19.169
laughing. She goes, fuck that. Keep the money.
00:14:20.210 --> 00:14:22.950
Keep the money. Not even a thing. In this economy,
00:14:23.230 --> 00:14:26.809
babe, keep that money. Buy you some books. I
00:14:26.809 --> 00:14:29.289
was rolling. I'm like, actually, and what's even
00:14:29.289 --> 00:14:31.509
worse is I buy, I get a bunch of free books.
00:14:31.649 --> 00:14:34.409
And I mean, like right now for a good 10 years,
00:14:34.629 --> 00:14:37.710
four of us shared the same Kindle account for
00:14:37.710 --> 00:14:40.970
books. So I have a god awful stupid amount. Like
00:14:40.970 --> 00:14:43.250
my to be read pile will never get read in my
00:14:43.250 --> 00:14:45.250
lifetime. Do you subscribe to BookBub? Yeah,
00:14:45.269 --> 00:14:48.379
I do. Hey, you know what I'm talking about. Mine's
00:14:48.379 --> 00:14:51.120
full because of BookFub too, yes. If you subscribe
00:14:51.120 --> 00:14:53.980
to Kindle Unlimited, most of the books on there
00:14:53.980 --> 00:14:58.279
suck balls. However, when you get into factual
00:14:58.279 --> 00:15:01.100
things, like I'm into fermenting and pickling
00:15:01.100 --> 00:15:04.159
and canning and shit, they've got tons of instructional
00:15:04.159 --> 00:15:06.620
books on there. There's not a lot of books on
00:15:06.620 --> 00:15:09.179
there like the New York Times number ones and
00:15:09.179 --> 00:15:11.700
all that stuff that I give a shit about. I'm
00:15:11.700 --> 00:15:14.299
just there for the smut. The smut. Yes, you are.
00:15:14.379 --> 00:15:16.299
Yeah, the dirtier the better. There's a lot of
00:15:16.299 --> 00:15:18.759
smut. Kindle Unlimited. Sammy, what you're saying
00:15:18.759 --> 00:15:20.779
about your smut consumption? I read it like it's
00:15:20.779 --> 00:15:23.480
my damn job. Yeah, baby. I wish I could get paid
00:15:23.480 --> 00:15:26.779
to read it. Shit. Girl, I guarantee you there's
00:15:26.779 --> 00:15:28.480
something out there that will pay you to do that.
00:15:28.600 --> 00:15:30.799
I can whip through these books, too. I can get
00:15:30.799 --> 00:15:32.539
through a book usually in like a day or less.
00:15:32.659 --> 00:15:34.919
I tried to narrate smut one time and I just couldn't
00:15:34.919 --> 00:15:36.480
keep a straight face and I couldn't. Yeah, now
00:15:36.480 --> 00:15:38.519
narrating is a whole other story. I would start
00:15:38.519 --> 00:15:41.200
laughing so hard trying to narrate. I'd be like,
00:15:41.279 --> 00:15:43.539
I can't do this. I was going to say, you've probably
00:15:43.539 --> 00:15:45.419
come across like as you're going through your
00:15:45.419 --> 00:15:47.970
genres. and downloading books and stuff on book
00:15:47.970 --> 00:15:51.149
bug there sometimes you gotta slip into the weird
00:15:51.149 --> 00:15:54.509
shit like the you know paranormal monsters going
00:15:54.509 --> 00:15:58.100
well i like monster smut but I've started filtering.
00:15:58.100 --> 00:16:00.740
Monster smut. Yes, I've started filtering because
00:16:00.740 --> 00:16:03.519
I hate pregnancy tropes. Yeah, I hate that. I
00:16:03.519 --> 00:16:06.000
hate that too. Fucking hate them. And anything
00:16:06.000 --> 00:16:08.419
that's like single parent tropes. I'm like, I'm
00:16:08.419 --> 00:16:10.100
not here for the kids. I'm only here for the
00:16:10.100 --> 00:16:13.980
smut. Fuck the kids. I can see an audio book
00:16:13.980 --> 00:16:19.289
here that her vagina was moist. Don't. That's
00:16:19.289 --> 00:16:21.970
not an ever -allowed -to -be -used word, ever.
00:16:22.149 --> 00:16:25.009
What, vagina or moist? Moist. Oh, really? How
00:16:25.009 --> 00:16:28.769
would that line go in Monster Smut? Her... No,
00:16:28.929 --> 00:16:30.590
it's usually more so the men or the monsters.
00:16:30.590 --> 00:16:32.610
The men or the monsters, not her. They got, like,
00:16:32.610 --> 00:16:35.350
tentacles and shit. Oh, there was... I read one
00:16:35.350 --> 00:16:38.029
where it was talking about, like, a split penis.
00:16:38.450 --> 00:16:41.909
Like, he entered her and then he entered her.
00:16:42.029 --> 00:16:44.789
Oh, and then the tail had, like, a sucker on
00:16:44.789 --> 00:16:46.789
it. Have you read Her Soul to Keep, where his
00:16:46.789 --> 00:16:49.019
is so big that it rearranged? just her guts to
00:16:49.019 --> 00:16:53.360
be able to fit inside of her? Well, Don, I do
00:16:53.360 --> 00:16:56.320
not have that problem. I do not have that problem.
00:16:56.500 --> 00:17:00.120
I'm Irish. Yeah. The only thing I got to rearrange
00:17:00.120 --> 00:17:02.799
is I got to rearrange pubic hair to find the
00:17:02.799 --> 00:17:08.279
motherfucker. That's not true. I still can't
00:17:08.279 --> 00:17:10.779
find it. You're so stupid. At this stage in life,
00:17:10.839 --> 00:17:12.720
I got erectile dysfunction so bad, who gives
00:17:12.720 --> 00:17:18.579
a fuck? That was another what the fuck? I have
00:17:18.579 --> 00:17:21.220
to put a content warning on this episode. I'm
00:17:21.220 --> 00:17:24.740
so sorry. I just brought the collective IQ down
00:17:24.740 --> 00:17:28.720
about this. All good. JJ joins the show and crashes
00:17:28.720 --> 00:17:31.660
the show. Join me in the gutter. Join me in the
00:17:31.660 --> 00:17:33.460
gutter. Listen, I guarantee you, we've got listeners
00:17:33.460 --> 00:17:35.079
out there who are like, they're funny, but what
00:17:35.079 --> 00:17:37.859
we really need is to lower the IQ. We need an
00:17:37.859 --> 00:17:41.799
offshoot. An offshoot to this. I told him. It's
00:17:41.799 --> 00:17:43.759
like book recommendations from the what the fuck
00:17:43.759 --> 00:17:45.579
crew. We need the IQ, EQ, SQ, and AQ to be totally
00:17:45.579 --> 00:17:48.279
thrown out the goddamn window. I told Jake that
00:17:48.279 --> 00:17:49.819
this would happen. I said, I'm going to get on
00:17:49.819 --> 00:17:51.660
there and people are going to be like, that chick
00:17:51.660 --> 00:17:53.059
needs to get out of the gutter. And I'm going
00:17:53.059 --> 00:17:54.640
to be like, I can't. I've been living here so
00:17:54.640 --> 00:17:57.470
fucking long. long so she used the word other
00:17:57.470 --> 00:18:00.309
than moist yeah we don't use that word in the
00:18:00.309 --> 00:18:02.750
book world what is it what the word is that right
00:18:02.750 --> 00:18:06.150
because they overuse it no it's because the word
00:18:06.150 --> 00:18:08.950
moist is so fucking gross it just in general
00:18:08.950 --> 00:18:11.950
it's the onomatopoeia of it too just saying the
00:18:11.950 --> 00:18:14.150
word moist really yeah that one doesn't bother
00:18:14.150 --> 00:18:16.430
is that kind of like sherpa yeah it's like it's
00:18:16.430 --> 00:18:17.369
like a verbal sherpa
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.560
Stop making me feel all self -conscious. I'll
00:00:01.560 --> 00:00:04.160
have to touch my boobies. Calm myself down. Hey,
00:00:04.179 --> 00:00:07.219
this is JJ, and I'm fondling myself, and you're
00:00:07.219 --> 00:00:12.740
listening to What the F***. I love Niecy Nash.
00:00:12.960 --> 00:00:15.060
Oh, my God. That woman could suffocate me with
00:00:15.060 --> 00:00:20.620
them titties. They need to crack a book that
00:00:20.620 --> 00:00:23.179
starts with the word dick and ends with shenary.
00:00:25.019 --> 00:00:27.620
I did not realize we were going to have this.
00:00:28.400 --> 00:00:30.359
this much good stuff. You were not mentally prepared?
00:00:31.219 --> 00:00:33.140
No, and I'm glad. I have no filter sometimes.
00:00:33.140 --> 00:00:35.179
Being mentally prepared is for fucking losers.
00:00:35.340 --> 00:00:37.500
TMI should be my middle name. I want that shit
00:00:37.500 --> 00:00:40.640
smashed in my face, man. Watch this right here.
00:00:40.679 --> 00:00:47.840
Watch. But it like, it went through. Really?
00:00:47.939 --> 00:00:51.460
Fucking dog. It went. Were you having weird kinky
00:00:51.460 --> 00:00:53.759
sex? No. What do they call it? The fourth hole?
00:00:54.000 --> 00:00:58.880
Yeah. We're not editing any of this shit out.
00:00:58.880 --> 00:01:02.479
I do have a hole in the back of my thigh. Fuck
00:01:02.479 --> 00:01:04.819
yeah, you do. Because I fell on a piece of rebar
00:01:04.819 --> 00:01:07.719
and stabbed myself. Whatever helps you sleep
00:01:07.719 --> 00:01:09.859
at night, kiddo. Be your nuggets. Be fucking
00:01:09.859 --> 00:01:11.879
you up. No, I actually quit drinking those. Or
00:01:11.879 --> 00:01:13.340
quit eating those. Let me tell you what I did
00:01:13.340 --> 00:01:15.640
today, though. Hey, this is JJ, and you're listening
00:01:15.640 --> 00:01:32.400
to What The F... Today on What the Fuck, in 1994,
00:01:32.700 --> 00:01:37.120
a very young Jake was being transferred from
00:01:37.120 --> 00:01:40.700
Roanoke, Virginia, Navy recruiting duty to Rotational
00:01:40.700 --> 00:01:45.700
Crew Delta in Ingleside, Texas. So I don't know
00:01:45.700 --> 00:01:49.370
exactly. If it was 1994 that I met JJ, but it
00:01:49.370 --> 00:01:52.469
was... No, 95. 95. I was living off base with
00:01:52.469 --> 00:01:55.650
my buddy Dave and a few other pals. And because
00:01:55.650 --> 00:01:59.730
of the name of our command, we titled our trailer
00:01:59.730 --> 00:02:02.849
Delta House. And we lived up to the reputation
00:02:02.849 --> 00:02:06.430
of Delta House, Animal House. And JJ quickly
00:02:06.430 --> 00:02:10.020
became a Delta groupie. And that's kind of the
00:02:10.020 --> 00:02:11.560
best way to put it. I like that. Would you agree
00:02:11.560 --> 00:02:13.719
with that there, JJ? In the beginning, absolutely.
00:02:14.439 --> 00:02:19.860
But at some point within the first year, I morphed
00:02:19.860 --> 00:02:23.719
into less of a groupie and more of one of you.
00:02:24.099 --> 00:02:27.500
Yeah. Because I was in on the pranks. I was in
00:02:27.500 --> 00:02:30.439
on the smack talking. I was coming up with the
00:02:30.439 --> 00:02:34.819
crap to do. So, JJ, you were active duty Navy?
00:02:35.039 --> 00:02:38.240
I was not. I was a teenager. I had just graduated
00:02:38.240 --> 00:02:40.939
high school at 94. Get square the fuck out of
00:02:40.939 --> 00:02:43.919
town. Yeah. She wasn't even legal. I was making
00:02:43.919 --> 00:02:46.240
assumptions that you were. Yeah, I know. How
00:02:46.240 --> 00:02:47.759
dare you assume, Don? You were a fucking squid
00:02:47.759 --> 00:02:50.300
like the rest lives. And I get it. I get it.
00:02:50.699 --> 00:02:52.800
But I'm Gen X and we don't give a fuck. Yeah,
00:02:52.800 --> 00:02:55.439
we just. No, I had just finished school. I thought
00:02:55.439 --> 00:02:57.939
maybe you were Navy girl. JJ was actually mentioned
00:02:57.939 --> 00:03:00.860
on the episode with. Well, actually, she's been
00:03:00.860 --> 00:03:03.900
mentioned on two episodes, one with Dave. They
00:03:03.900 --> 00:03:06.300
call her Domino. So we mentioned JJ. there. The
00:03:06.300 --> 00:03:07.719
other episode, I don't remember. The onions.
00:03:08.120 --> 00:03:09.979
The one with the onions. We were at some club.
00:03:09.979 --> 00:03:12.020
We got hungry. We said, let's go to Whataburger,
00:03:12.120 --> 00:03:14.199
grab a burger. And we went there. We drove back
00:03:14.199 --> 00:03:16.479
to the club before we decided to eat our food.
00:03:16.479 --> 00:03:18.439
And that's when I bit into the sandwich and discovered
00:03:18.439 --> 00:03:21.000
it had onions. And JJ got behind the wheel and
00:03:21.000 --> 00:03:23.840
she drove us barreled back to the Whataburger.
00:03:24.219 --> 00:03:26.699
She chucked that burger across the counter and
00:03:26.699 --> 00:03:28.659
she said, what part of no fucking onions do you
00:03:28.659 --> 00:03:31.080
not understand? It was amazing to watch. I hate
00:03:31.080 --> 00:03:34.039
onions. That does, in fact, sound amazing. And
00:03:34.039 --> 00:03:36.740
we Thank you from a long line of sailors that
00:03:36.740 --> 00:03:40.879
we meet people like you. The story itself is
00:03:40.879 --> 00:03:43.740
funny. But what is really funny is my personality
00:03:43.740 --> 00:03:46.699
back then was more fun loving and I was not very
00:03:46.699 --> 00:03:50.120
confrontational. So for me to lose my shit, everybody
00:03:50.120 --> 00:03:52.800
was mind boggling. No, JJ didn't do that. Yeah,
00:03:52.840 --> 00:03:55.719
dude, she did. Yeah, we came up with our little
00:03:55.719 --> 00:03:57.560
tradition. We would have parties and at the end
00:03:57.560 --> 00:03:59.580
of the party, you always knew that the party
00:03:59.580 --> 00:04:01.580
was over. When we would start singing karaoke
00:04:01.580 --> 00:04:04.039
and the very last song would be The River by
00:04:04.039 --> 00:04:06.719
Garth Brooks. And JJ would get up there and sing
00:04:06.719 --> 00:04:08.599
it with me and do the harmony parts. That's when
00:04:08.599 --> 00:04:10.900
you knew, when you heard The River, start winding
00:04:10.900 --> 00:04:13.759
down. Get with whoever you're going to get with.
00:04:13.879 --> 00:04:17.279
Drink up because this is it. Were you there the
00:04:17.279 --> 00:04:20.300
day that we told Grammy that he had to streak?
00:04:20.360 --> 00:04:23.920
Yes, I was. I watched it. I laughed. It was my
00:04:23.920 --> 00:04:28.199
favorite thing. Back then, Grammy was the absolute...
00:04:28.730 --> 00:04:31.170
Crush of my heart, love of my life. I wanted
00:04:31.170 --> 00:04:35.129
him so bad. And he's a cop now. Yep. He was the
00:04:35.129 --> 00:04:37.250
most clean cut one, but he really wanted to be
00:04:37.250 --> 00:04:39.649
a part of Delta House. So he came over one night
00:04:39.649 --> 00:04:41.509
and we told him that if you really want to do
00:04:41.509 --> 00:04:43.769
this, then everyone here has done this. You need
00:04:43.769 --> 00:04:46.250
to streak around the trailer park. You know,
00:04:46.269 --> 00:04:48.110
nothing on but your tennis shoes. He did his
00:04:48.110 --> 00:04:50.410
part. He did. And he exceeded that. There was
00:04:50.410 --> 00:04:52.709
a bar behind the trailer park. Oh, God bless
00:04:52.709 --> 00:04:55.569
him. He ran out and ran into the front door of
00:04:55.569 --> 00:04:57.089
the bar, through the bar, through the back door
00:04:57.089 --> 00:04:59.970
and came back. He was a overachiever. Well, and
00:04:59.970 --> 00:05:02.279
when you say that he was clean cut, what? he
00:05:02.279 --> 00:05:04.220
means by that it's not only his appearance was
00:05:04.220 --> 00:05:06.699
clean cut but you could make him blush by saying
00:05:06.699 --> 00:05:10.810
pussy like he would just Flaming red. He was
00:05:10.810 --> 00:05:12.990
a nice boy. Really? He was a good boy. He was
00:05:12.990 --> 00:05:15.269
just a good kid. And he whipped out his Johnson
00:05:15.269 --> 00:05:16.709
and ran through a fucking bar. Ran through a
00:05:16.709 --> 00:05:18.889
bar. Love that guy already. And then when he
00:05:18.889 --> 00:05:20.649
got back, we promptly told him that none of us
00:05:20.649 --> 00:05:22.910
had done that. Is this young man still around?
00:05:23.009 --> 00:05:24.730
Oh, absolutely. He's a cop in Michigan. We need
00:05:24.730 --> 00:05:26.949
his ass on this motherfucking show. I'd be like,
00:05:27.050 --> 00:05:29.990
listen. He's adorable. Don't pull any punches,
00:05:30.089 --> 00:05:33.370
man. I mean, officer. Officer. Sergeant. The
00:05:33.370 --> 00:05:35.370
invitation has already been made. That's awesome.
00:05:36.449 --> 00:05:38.029
That is the best. Actually, that's one of the
00:05:38.029 --> 00:05:40.129
best things. That's why I say my relationship
00:05:40.129 --> 00:05:42.550
with you guys started off as groupie and morphed
00:05:42.550 --> 00:05:44.029
into something else because I'm still friends
00:05:44.029 --> 00:05:46.310
with all of these people today. Oh, yeah. We
00:05:46.310 --> 00:05:49.230
talk and stuff. Nice. I've been very lucky. I
00:05:49.230 --> 00:05:50.629
told Dave last night, I said, JJ's coming on
00:05:50.629 --> 00:05:54.350
the show. He's like, holy shit. Yeah. That's
00:05:54.350 --> 00:05:56.589
fucking great, man. See, I love stories like
00:05:56.589 --> 00:05:59.269
that because, yeah, that's good stuff. Yeah,
00:05:59.290 --> 00:06:00.709
friendship. So, JJ, you've been listening to
00:06:00.709 --> 00:06:03.050
the show. Always. So you know what we do here.
00:06:03.170 --> 00:06:04.889
Last time you thought it, said it, screamed it.
00:06:05.180 --> 00:06:09.980
10 minutes before I got around here? So I am
00:06:09.980 --> 00:06:13.000
officially into menopause. Up until now, it's
00:06:13.000 --> 00:06:15.560
really just been like the hot flashes, the heat.
00:06:15.720 --> 00:06:18.860
You know, like I'm so hot. And I get hot enough
00:06:18.860 --> 00:06:20.500
that I like, I mean, it gets bad enough you throw
00:06:20.500 --> 00:06:23.259
up and it's a horrible thing. You feel like you're
00:06:23.259 --> 00:06:25.480
on fire. But here in the last couple of months,
00:06:25.660 --> 00:06:28.399
it's been more like this emotional roller coaster
00:06:28.399 --> 00:06:30.680
from hell. And anytime this bitch wants to let
00:06:30.680 --> 00:06:32.939
me off, I'll be appreciative of it because this
00:06:32.939 --> 00:06:36.240
is bullshit. I am crying over a fucking meme
00:06:36.240 --> 00:06:39.920
on Facebook. I mean, like, what the? And then
00:06:39.920 --> 00:06:42.639
literally, and I'm not kidding, literally my
00:06:42.639 --> 00:06:44.860
husband rolls in on his wheelchair and I'm like,
00:06:44.879 --> 00:06:47.519
what the fuck do you want, Tubby? I mean, you're
00:06:47.519 --> 00:06:50.040
breathing. Can you just fucking not? Is this
00:06:50.040 --> 00:06:52.399
just now happening to you in menopause? I'm starting
00:06:52.399 --> 00:06:56.050
to hit Perry and I'm already like that. For me
00:06:56.050 --> 00:06:58.449
and Perry, it was a lot less. It was like these
00:06:58.449 --> 00:07:01.970
long stretches. It don't take much to make Sammy
00:07:01.970 --> 00:07:04.230
cry these days. For the most part, you know,
00:07:04.250 --> 00:07:07.009
I was having the anger issues kind of a thing
00:07:07.009 --> 00:07:09.089
up until now. It's more like, oh, you're breathing.
00:07:09.250 --> 00:07:11.230
Oh, you're chewing funny. Oh, you blinked. You
00:07:11.230 --> 00:07:13.269
know, I mean, it's stupid stuff. But, you know,
00:07:13.290 --> 00:07:15.829
that's what was breathing my air. Yeah. Don't
00:07:15.829 --> 00:07:20.259
look at me. I'll see my ADHD has had me that
00:07:20.259 --> 00:07:22.759
way in my whole life. Yeah. What you call stupid
00:07:22.759 --> 00:07:27.819
stuff is a lifestyle for me. Not anymore. I've
00:07:27.819 --> 00:07:30.500
chilled out. Yeah, and I tend to be a very optimistic
00:07:30.500 --> 00:07:33.439
person. I'm usually in a good mood. If I'm in
00:07:33.439 --> 00:07:36.579
a bad mood, something's wrong. And so for me
00:07:36.579 --> 00:07:41.779
to be this dragon lady from hell. Yeah. Sammy
00:07:41.779 --> 00:07:43.399
and I talk about this, JJ, all the time about
00:07:43.399 --> 00:07:45.639
our ADHD because we've been diagnosed with this
00:07:45.639 --> 00:07:47.920
shit. We take fucking medication. Yeah. Somebody
00:07:47.920 --> 00:07:49.980
told me this. Somebody smarter than I. It said,
00:07:50.100 --> 00:07:52.779
listen, if you wake up in the morning and you
00:07:52.779 --> 00:07:55.290
meet an asshole, you know what happened? You
00:07:55.290 --> 00:07:58.089
met an asshole. Yeah. But if you wake up every
00:07:58.089 --> 00:08:00.990
single day and you meet an asshole, you are the
00:08:00.990 --> 00:08:06.610
asshole. And that was a formative day in my life.
00:08:06.670 --> 00:08:09.949
I was like, holy fucking shit. I am the asshole.
00:08:10.029 --> 00:08:13.069
I am the Karen, the Ken, the fuck you guy. And
00:08:13.069 --> 00:08:14.670
everybody around you was like, you're just not
00:08:14.670 --> 00:08:17.089
figuring this out. Yeah, I didn't want to do
00:08:17.089 --> 00:08:19.790
that shit anymore. I mean, listen, Jake and I
00:08:19.790 --> 00:08:21.550
have worked together long enough where he's seen.
00:08:22.199 --> 00:08:24.319
I mean, I used to be, I'd get very emotional
00:08:24.319 --> 00:08:27.160
about some shit. But now, I just. And likewise,
00:08:27.379 --> 00:08:30.459
you've seen me get sporty. Oh, God. Yeah, we've
00:08:30.459 --> 00:08:32.580
gotten sporty as fuck, dude. And we're just now.
00:08:33.100 --> 00:08:34.419
It's like, man, I'll just love life too much.
00:08:34.419 --> 00:08:36.240
We've gotten sporty with each other. Absolutely.
00:08:37.139 --> 00:08:39.179
We have. Give the fuck. Yeah. I think that's
00:08:39.179 --> 00:08:40.620
what makes our relationship so good, though.
00:08:40.620 --> 00:08:43.710
Yeah. We are. vehemently opposed on certain subjects
00:08:43.710 --> 00:08:45.610
and we don't give a fuck. Yeah. I mean, none.
00:08:45.950 --> 00:08:48.149
Yeah. I've just gotten to that point in life.
00:08:48.190 --> 00:08:49.710
I'm like, I'm not going to argue with stupid.
00:08:51.350 --> 00:08:54.509
I'm not arguing with anybody. I used to, I used
00:08:54.509 --> 00:08:56.909
to be that way. I'd want to argue or, you know,
00:08:56.909 --> 00:08:59.529
I'd want to be right. Well, and I don't care.
00:08:59.590 --> 00:09:01.610
If you want to talk about it and have a conversation,
00:09:01.830 --> 00:09:05.110
we can have a conversation. I can say I hate
00:09:05.110 --> 00:09:07.750
such and such, but I can still listen to you
00:09:07.750 --> 00:09:10.129
and respect that you may have those views. I'm
00:09:10.129 --> 00:09:11.750
just going to tell you. That's great that you
00:09:11.750 --> 00:09:14.809
do. I don't. I'm happy for you. We're still buddies.
00:09:14.950 --> 00:09:18.110
We're good. I usually am able to do that. There
00:09:18.110 --> 00:09:20.509
have been a few occasions, like I said, you can't
00:09:20.509 --> 00:09:22.129
argue with stupid. And if you're just going to
00:09:22.129 --> 00:09:25.480
not be willing to listen. then it's just not
00:09:25.480 --> 00:09:27.860
worth talking to you about. And that, I think,
00:09:27.860 --> 00:09:29.700
is a bigger problem. People don't want to listen
00:09:29.700 --> 00:09:31.679
to the other person. People want to be right.
00:09:31.779 --> 00:09:33.779
You're exactly right, Jake. Yeah, you want to
00:09:33.779 --> 00:09:35.820
be right. Jake and I spoke about this three years
00:09:35.820 --> 00:09:38.440
ago when we started on this journey of trying
00:09:38.440 --> 00:09:41.559
to figure out Jake's brainchild to do this podcast.
00:09:41.879 --> 00:09:45.100
And we just started it recently. But it was going
00:09:45.100 --> 00:09:47.580
to be Jake and I in our opposition to politics.
00:09:47.799 --> 00:09:49.440
And we don't talk about politics on this show
00:09:49.440 --> 00:09:52.360
for a reason. No, and as you shouldn't. No, we
00:09:52.360 --> 00:09:54.409
don't. Politics aren't fucking fun. funny no
00:09:54.409 --> 00:09:58.950
you know i'm funny politics but anyway the point
00:09:58.950 --> 00:10:02.070
is that the stupid part is that people will not
00:10:02.070 --> 00:10:04.450
flex if they hear it if they think feel or believe
00:10:04.450 --> 00:10:05.649
and i'll be the first guy to tell you i don't
00:10:05.649 --> 00:10:07.049
give a shit what you think feel or believe it
00:10:07.049 --> 00:10:09.289
does not matter to me one i oh yeah no yeah i
00:10:09.289 --> 00:10:11.190
want to know what you know yeah you know it's
00:10:11.190 --> 00:10:12.490
just like going to court doesn't matter what
00:10:12.490 --> 00:10:13.990
you believe it only matters what you can prove
00:10:13.990 --> 00:10:16.429
yeah exactly and another one is if you're scared
00:10:16.429 --> 00:10:19.320
of the answer Buy a motherfucking dog. Yeah.
00:10:20.220 --> 00:10:23.679
If you're scared, buy a dog. What? I got four.
00:10:24.139 --> 00:10:27.779
I like that. Take one. I'm not sure where that
00:10:27.779 --> 00:10:29.840
part of that conversation stemmed from. Probably
00:10:29.840 --> 00:10:32.620
me. If Don and I had pursued that original concept,
00:10:32.899 --> 00:10:34.879
the show wouldn't have lasted because everyone
00:10:34.879 --> 00:10:37.379
is fucking doing that, right? Yeah. There's only
00:10:37.379 --> 00:10:39.460
so much that you can argue about. And then it's
00:10:39.460 --> 00:10:41.759
the same shit day in and day out a lot of times.
00:10:41.940 --> 00:10:43.919
But here's the cool thing about what we're doing.
00:10:44.080 --> 00:10:46.799
There's going to be no shortage of material.
00:10:47.279 --> 00:10:49.480
Somebody is always going to be saying or wondering
00:10:49.480 --> 00:10:52.019
or yelling what the fuck at something that is
00:10:52.019 --> 00:10:54.120
happening in real time in their life. And it
00:10:54.120 --> 00:10:56.240
doesn't have to do with politics. It's everyday
00:10:56.240 --> 00:11:00.100
life. You make a very strong point there, Jake,
00:11:00.139 --> 00:11:05.940
because every fucking day, every day, some motherfucker.
00:11:07.129 --> 00:11:09.309
is driving in the left lane who needed to be
00:11:09.309 --> 00:11:12.409
all the way over in the right lane. Not the middle
00:11:12.409 --> 00:11:15.029
lane. The left lane, motherfuckers, is for crime.
00:11:15.309 --> 00:11:18.389
God damn it. Every day I'm left dealing with
00:11:18.389 --> 00:11:21.070
people that refuse to commit crimes in the name
00:11:21.070 --> 00:11:23.610
of sanity. If you in my lane, we committing crimes.
00:11:24.029 --> 00:11:30.929
We talked about this yesterday. So road rage
00:11:30.929 --> 00:11:33.210
is one of those things where you can talk off.
00:11:33.309 --> 00:11:35.429
You know what? Okay, I'll just go ahead and say
00:11:35.429 --> 00:11:38.399
it. Road rage is kind of like politics in the
00:11:38.399 --> 00:11:40.519
fact that it's always going to be there. People
00:11:40.519 --> 00:11:42.559
are always going to be screaming about it. OK,
00:11:42.639 --> 00:11:45.600
so we had to get that episode out of our system.
00:11:45.700 --> 00:11:48.299
It was building up to that. There were a couple
00:11:48.299 --> 00:11:50.700
episodes prior to that where we would kind of
00:11:50.700 --> 00:11:52.820
talk about it. And then finally, I don't know
00:11:52.820 --> 00:11:55.200
what happened. I think I opened it up with that
00:11:55.200 --> 00:11:57.639
crazy chick that was in a high -speed chase.
00:11:58.039 --> 00:12:00.799
Called AAA. Spiked her tires, and then she called
00:12:00.799 --> 00:12:03.940
AAA. And then from there, it just divulged to...
00:12:03.940 --> 00:12:06.000
At the end of the day, it really was a fun episode.
00:12:06.039 --> 00:12:08.480
It was. The only other what -the -fuck I've had
00:12:08.480 --> 00:12:12.019
happen was for my birthday back in April, a very
00:12:12.019 --> 00:12:15.500
good friend of mine sent me a Kindle ColorSoft.
00:12:15.879 --> 00:12:18.860
Which is a very nice, expensive gift. Nice. How
00:12:18.860 --> 00:12:22.440
do you like it? I didn't. I sent it back. Oh.
00:12:22.539 --> 00:12:25.139
Really? Okay. Was it because the coloring was
00:12:25.139 --> 00:12:27.580
funky and like had the yellow bar of light at
00:12:27.580 --> 00:12:29.720
the bottom? I use a Kindle to read. I don't read
00:12:29.720 --> 00:12:33.679
magazines. I don't read. So it did me no good.
00:12:33.840 --> 00:12:36.159
Unless you're reading comics and shit. Yeah.
00:12:36.460 --> 00:12:38.720
For me, it was just not the right product. But
00:12:38.720 --> 00:12:41.419
you sent it back. I sent it back. Yeah. $307.
00:12:42.350 --> 00:12:44.750
I waited for almost a month. My birthday was
00:12:44.750 --> 00:12:47.730
April 4th. I got it like the 5th. I sent it back
00:12:47.730 --> 00:12:51.490
on the 8th, May 20th. There was a blurb on there
00:12:51.490 --> 00:12:53.730
saying that there's a problem with your return.
00:12:53.929 --> 00:12:57.129
Please contact us. Contacted them. Turns out
00:12:57.129 --> 00:12:58.830
it was a backlog, whatever, blah, blah, blah.
00:12:58.970 --> 00:13:01.669
Talked to the people and they're very nice. They
00:13:01.669 --> 00:13:05.629
get me within two days. I had $307 back in my
00:13:05.629 --> 00:13:07.809
account, my credit. And I'm like, fantastic.
00:13:09.340 --> 00:13:11.580
This is amazing. So did you get a paperweight
00:13:11.580 --> 00:13:14.220
instead? No, I got the scribe. Oh, did you? Oh,
00:13:14.240 --> 00:13:16.019
you got the scribe. I went and got the scribe.
00:13:16.340 --> 00:13:18.960
Ordered that on like June 8th. And well, today,
00:13:19.299 --> 00:13:23.179
June 25th, I get an email saying your refund
00:13:23.179 --> 00:13:25.019
has been issued. What? So they're not going to
00:13:25.019 --> 00:13:28.159
send it to you? No, I've got another $307 in
00:13:28.159 --> 00:13:32.419
my Amazon account. She got the scribe and she
00:13:32.419 --> 00:13:38.120
got the refund. JJ is a fucking thief. But she's
00:13:38.120 --> 00:13:40.080
a thief due to somebody else's incompetence.
00:13:40.080 --> 00:13:42.960
Correct. Yeah, they just sent me the... And I
00:13:42.960 --> 00:13:45.759
love exploiting other people's incompetence.
00:13:45.860 --> 00:13:48.259
That's a real nice gift horse. So now I'm sitting
00:13:48.259 --> 00:13:52.279
here. Big fan. Moral fucking dilemma. Because...
00:13:52.279 --> 00:13:55.639
So I call my mother. Because what do I do, Jake,
00:13:55.659 --> 00:13:57.480
when I need something? I call mommy. What did
00:13:57.480 --> 00:14:00.080
mom say? Mom said. Just use that money towards
00:14:00.080 --> 00:14:03.840
buying books to put on your Kindle. I told mom
00:14:03.840 --> 00:14:06.659
and she said. If I had $300 to spend on Kindle
00:14:06.659 --> 00:14:09.159
books, I would go insane. She was fantastic.
00:14:09.220 --> 00:14:11.419
I said, mom, I got a moral dilemma. And she taught
00:14:11.419 --> 00:14:14.419
me how to be an asshole and a bad person. And
00:14:14.419 --> 00:14:16.320
she, I tell her what happened. And she starts
00:14:16.320 --> 00:14:19.169
laughing. She goes, fuck that. Keep the money.
00:14:20.210 --> 00:14:22.950
Keep the money. Not even a thing. In this economy,
00:14:23.230 --> 00:14:26.809
babe, keep that money. Buy you some books. I
00:14:26.809 --> 00:14:29.289
was rolling. I'm like, actually, and what's even
00:14:29.289 --> 00:14:31.509
worse is I buy, I get a bunch of free books.
00:14:31.649 --> 00:14:34.409
And I mean, like right now for a good 10 years,
00:14:34.629 --> 00:14:37.710
four of us shared the same Kindle account for
00:14:37.710 --> 00:14:40.970
books. So I have a god awful stupid amount. Like
00:14:40.970 --> 00:14:43.250
my to be read pile will never get read in my
00:14:43.250 --> 00:14:45.250
lifetime. Do you subscribe to BookBub? Yeah,
00:14:45.269 --> 00:14:48.379
I do. Hey, you know what I'm talking about. Mine's
00:14:48.379 --> 00:14:51.120
full because of BookFub too, yes. If you subscribe
00:14:51.120 --> 00:14:53.980
to Kindle Unlimited, most of the books on there
00:14:53.980 --> 00:14:58.279
suck balls. However, when you get into factual
00:14:58.279 --> 00:15:01.100
things, like I'm into fermenting and pickling
00:15:01.100 --> 00:15:04.159
and canning and shit, they've got tons of instructional
00:15:04.159 --> 00:15:06.620
books on there. There's not a lot of books on
00:15:06.620 --> 00:15:09.179
there like the New York Times number ones and
00:15:09.179 --> 00:15:11.700
all that stuff that I give a shit about. I'm
00:15:11.700 --> 00:15:14.299
just there for the smut. The smut. Yes, you are.
00:15:14.379 --> 00:15:16.299
Yeah, the dirtier the better. There's a lot of
00:15:16.299 --> 00:15:18.759
smut. Kindle Unlimited. Sammy, what you're saying
00:15:18.759 --> 00:15:20.779
about your smut consumption? I read it like it's
00:15:20.779 --> 00:15:23.480
my damn job. Yeah, baby. I wish I could get paid
00:15:23.480 --> 00:15:26.779
to read it. Shit. Girl, I guarantee you there's
00:15:26.779 --> 00:15:28.480
something out there that will pay you to do that.
00:15:28.600 --> 00:15:30.799
I can whip through these books, too. I can get
00:15:30.799 --> 00:15:32.539
through a book usually in like a day or less.
00:15:32.659 --> 00:15:34.919
I tried to narrate smut one time and I just couldn't
00:15:34.919 --> 00:15:36.480
keep a straight face and I couldn't. Yeah, now
00:15:36.480 --> 00:15:38.519
narrating is a whole other story. I would start
00:15:38.519 --> 00:15:41.200
laughing so hard trying to narrate. I'd be like,
00:15:41.279 --> 00:15:43.539
I can't do this. I was going to say, you've probably
00:15:43.539 --> 00:15:45.419
come across like as you're going through your
00:15:45.419 --> 00:15:47.970
genres. and downloading books and stuff on book
00:15:47.970 --> 00:15:51.149
bug there sometimes you gotta slip into the weird
00:15:51.149 --> 00:15:54.509
shit like the you know paranormal monsters going
00:15:54.509 --> 00:15:58.100
well i like monster smut but I've started filtering.
00:15:58.100 --> 00:16:00.740
Monster smut. Yes, I've started filtering because
00:16:00.740 --> 00:16:03.519
I hate pregnancy tropes. Yeah, I hate that. I
00:16:03.519 --> 00:16:06.000
hate that too. Fucking hate them. And anything
00:16:06.000 --> 00:16:08.419
that's like single parent tropes. I'm like, I'm
00:16:08.419 --> 00:16:10.100
not here for the kids. I'm only here for the
00:16:10.100 --> 00:16:13.980
smut. Fuck the kids. I can see an audio book
00:16:13.980 --> 00:16:19.289
here that her vagina was moist. Don't. That's
00:16:19.289 --> 00:16:21.970
not an ever -allowed -to -be -used word, ever.
00:16:22.149 --> 00:16:25.009
What, vagina or moist? Moist. Oh, really? How
00:16:25.009 --> 00:16:28.769
would that line go in Monster Smut? Her... No,
00:16:28.929 --> 00:16:30.590
it's usually more so the men or the monsters.
00:16:30.590 --> 00:16:32.610
The men or the monsters, not her. They got, like,
00:16:32.610 --> 00:16:35.350
tentacles and shit. Oh, there was... I read one
00:16:35.350 --> 00:16:38.029
where it was talking about, like, a split penis.
00:16:38.450 --> 00:16:41.909
Like, he entered her and then he entered her.
00:16:42.029 --> 00:16:44.789
Oh, and then the tail had, like, a sucker on
00:16:44.789 --> 00:16:46.789
it. Have you read Her Soul to Keep, where his
00:16:46.789 --> 00:16:49.019
is so big that it rearranged? just her guts to
00:16:49.019 --> 00:16:53.360
be able to fit inside of her? Well, Don, I do
00:16:53.360 --> 00:16:56.320
not have that problem. I do not have that problem.
00:16:56.500 --> 00:17:00.120
I'm Irish. Yeah. The only thing I got to rearrange
00:17:00.120 --> 00:17:02.799
is I got to rearrange pubic hair to find the
00:17:02.799 --> 00:17:08.279
motherfucker. That's not true. I still can't
00:17:08.279 --> 00:17:10.779
find it. You're so stupid. At this stage in life,
00:17:10.839 --> 00:17:12.720
I got erectile dysfunction so bad, who gives
00:17:12.720 --> 00:17:18.579
a fuck? That was another what the fuck? I have
00:17:18.579 --> 00:17:21.220
to put a content warning on this episode. I'm
00:17:21.220 --> 00:17:24.740
so sorry. I just brought the collective IQ down
00:17:24.740 --> 00:17:28.720
about this. All good. JJ joins the show and crashes
00:17:28.720 --> 00:17:31.660
the show. Join me in the gutter. Join me in the
00:17:31.660 --> 00:17:33.460
gutter. Listen, I guarantee you, we've got listeners
00:17:33.460 --> 00:17:35.079
out there who are like, they're funny, but what
00:17:35.079 --> 00:17:37.859
we really need is to lower the IQ. We need an
00:17:37.859 --> 00:17:41.799
offshoot. An offshoot to this. I told him. It's
00:17:41.799 --> 00:17:43.759
like book recommendations from the what the fuck
00:17:43.759 --> 00:17:45.579
crew. We need the IQ, EQ, SQ, and AQ to be totally
00:17:45.579 --> 00:17:48.279
thrown out the goddamn window. I told Jake that
00:17:48.279 --> 00:17:49.819
this would happen. I said, I'm going to get on
00:17:49.819 --> 00:17:51.660
there and people are going to be like, that chick
00:17:51.660 --> 00:17:53.059
needs to get out of the gutter. And I'm going
00:17:53.059 --> 00:17:54.640
to be like, I can't. I've been living here so
00:17:54.640 --> 00:17:57.470
fucking long. long so she used the word other
00:17:57.470 --> 00:18:00.309
than moist yeah we don't use that word in the
00:18:00.309 --> 00:18:02.750
book world what is it what the word is that right
00:18:02.750 --> 00:18:06.150
because they overuse it no it's because the word
00:18:06.150 --> 00:18:08.950
moist is so fucking gross it just in general
00:18:08.950 --> 00:18:11.950
it's the onomatopoeia of it too just saying the
00:18:11.950 --> 00:18:14.150
word moist really yeah that one doesn't bother
00:18:14.150 --> 00:18:16.430
is that kind of like sherpa yeah it's like it's
00:18:16.430 --> 00:18:17.369
like a verbal sherpa