Nov. 25, 2025
"No" Is A Complete F****** Sentence
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This week’s episode of What The Fuck starts with a blooper reel so chaotic, so completely beyond explanation, that even we can’t tell you how it happened. Just hit play and try to keep up.
From there, Jake drops us straight into the madness with a real-life WTF Walmart moment — a head-on collision inside the store that leaves everyone wondering how people like this operate heavy machinery… or shopping carts.
Then Don jumps in with a story forged in the fiery pits of entitlement: a full-blown family meltdown at a restaurant that could be used as Exhibit A in “How Not to Raise Your Kids.” Cue a roundtable discussion on gentle parenting, the good, the bad, and the “holy shit, maybe discipline isn’t child abuse.”
The gang then all join in on a lively discussion on the joys of delivery driving.
Finally, Sammie wraps the episode with her unfiltered thoughts on melatonin and it's link to heart disease and hangovers.
If you’ve ever said “What the fuck is wrong with people?” — This episode was made for you.
WEBVTT
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You're going to be down there sucking dick anyways
00:00:01.580 --> 00:00:05.320
and have a little snack. The reason. The reason.
00:00:06.419 --> 00:00:12.400
Hang on. What the fuck was I going to say? This
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isn't called What the Heck Podcast, my guy. Yeah,
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what the heck? I'm looking at guitar porn right
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now. Penis, penis, penis, vagina, vagina, vagina,
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sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex. Whoa. That hit
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home right there, really. I thought you were
00:00:23.679 --> 00:00:25.100
going to say I get to play with balls all the
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time. No, I could. Sam, did you have a gummie
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before the show? No. This is just me high on
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life, y 'all. You're going to hit 60 and your
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balls are going to hit the floor. I don't give
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a shit. I just don't give a fuck. I don't. She's
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a ninja, bitch. Yes, so she's overhearing us
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talking about her behind her back. I caught part
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of your homework that you turned in there, Sammy,
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something about a manager or something. Oh, yeah,
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the manager. So a different manager. I see something
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about bitch in here, too. Can I say that out
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loud? Yeah, I saw the word bitch. Still being
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a bitch, but acting weird. The C -Rex of my current
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job. I was in Baghdad when you were in your dad's
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bag. I've been wanting to use that one for a
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little minute. I brought you into this world.
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I will take you right the fuck back out. She
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came from my loins. What can I say? I'm Jake
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Jacobs. This is Sammie This is the Don. And you're
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listening to What the Fuck. Welcome to What the
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Fuck, the podcast where we say all the things.
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You're thinking. But probably shouldn't. You
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definitely shouldn't. Before we went on the air
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tonight, I had to go to fucking Walmart to get
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dry dog food. If my dogs miss a meal, they would
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just waste away to nothing. And they'll let me
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know that. Correct. Animal abuse. Absolute animal
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abuse in their eyes. Yes. I'm in Walmart. I was
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behind a dude. who was pulling his cart from
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the front. Why do people fucking do that? Well,
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he was staring down into his phone so he was
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paying no attention to the traffic and he was
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paying no attention to the person in front of
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him and the person in front of him who was coming
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straight toward him was also looking down at
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her phone and I witnessed a head -on collision.
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Fantastic. And of course, with me being right
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behind and me being who I am, I had to provide
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some commentary and I said, it's a good thing
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y 'all weren't driving fucking cars. Oh, that's
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beautiful. And then walked off. I got to throw
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a what the fuck out there that just threw me
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for a motherfucking loop a little while ago.
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And you guys are going to love it. I am not a
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parent. Okay. But I was a kid. And I know that
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parenting style has changed for many. My wife
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and I got home. I says, listen, let's go to the
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loop. It's this little restaurant that kind of
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specializes in pizzas and shit. Their food's
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excellent. It's right down the road. And we live
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in a nice area. So, you know, there's some people
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that have some. Some money. That's not always
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good. So we're sitting there. We're outside.
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A little buzzer goes off and you go get your
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food and you come out. So they have these fire
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towers. It's getting a little bit chilly here
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in Florida. Certainly not cold by any stretch
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of the imagination. But we're pussies because
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it's fucking Florida and it's cold. So they have
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these fucking fire towers. They're really cool.
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But they're not turned on. And Melissa and I
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don't give a shit because we prepared. We sit
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outside. I had a flannel shirt on. She had a
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long -sleeved little hoodie. This family comes
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in. The Karen, I mean, wife is wearing, she's
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wearing a nurse's scrubs. I don't know if she's
00:03:34.960 --> 00:03:37.479
a doctor, nurse, it doesn't matter. It looked
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like there was another female older, maybe could
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have been her mother, a son. who is going to
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grow up to be a douchebag and a fucking bitch
00:03:47.750 --> 00:03:49.889
-ass husband who goes to the gym three or four
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times a day, but is a weak man. And all this
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came to fruition, and it was really easy to see
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whenever they came out. They walked out after
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their order to come sit outside. They got the
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table next to us. The kids all wanted a cookie
00:04:04.229 --> 00:04:07.960
and just whiny little thing. Melissa and I looked
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at each other like, okay, we know where this
00:04:09.800 --> 00:04:13.080
is headed. At some point, everybody's cold now.
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So they call the kid over that works there. He's
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trying to start one of these fire towers. The
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motherfucker wouldn't start. You mean like those
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little metal umbrella looking things that like
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shoot heat? The fire shoots up into a tube. It's
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badass. He was over here trying to start ours.
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And she said, can you come start ours first?
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Because we're cold. That's how it started. Oh,
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hell no. Right? And so Melissa and I just looked
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at each other like, we don't give a shit because
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we don't want the thing on anyway. So the dude
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couldn't get the fucking thing started. No big
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deal. So the manager comes out and waves this
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young man in like, hey, come here, come here,
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come here. Because there's some liabilities that
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go along with playing with fire and LP gas, et
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cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Meanwhile, Karen
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over here, she's trying to tell him how to make
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this thing work. When he walks in, she starts
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fucking with it. Trying to start this thing up.
00:05:02.439 --> 00:05:03.560
Kick, kick, kick, kick, kick. You know, hitting
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the button and all this. They don't know what
00:05:04.759 --> 00:05:09.279
the fuck they're doing. Then husband boy comes
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over to ours at their strap to a pole. He pulls
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the strap off. I thought he's fixing to jack
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the whole thing. Oh, my God. Like, what are we
00:05:18.959 --> 00:05:21.079
fucking? Are we chopped liver here? Chopped liver?
00:05:21.160 --> 00:05:24.800
He pulls the fucking fuel tank out of it and
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goes, well, this one's full. And he brings it
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over to their fire tower and starts hooking it
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up. And that's about the time the... The manager
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comes out losing his monkey ass. Oh, I would
00:05:33.459 --> 00:05:36.660
have. But I'm just looking at the, I'm like the
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gall of these fucking people. And it's all led
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by this fucking Karen, the nurse, doctor, whatever
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she is. All right. So remember we started with
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the story with the kid coming out. I want a cookie.
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Somebody said no. Right. And that's good. Except
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it didn't last. So mom goes in there. I'm like,
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here we go. Buys this fucking little brat a cookie.
00:06:00.800 --> 00:06:02.879
And then, well, you're not going to be able to
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eat it until you finish your dinner. And I said,
00:06:06.160 --> 00:06:08.139
out loud where everybody could hear me. I'm going
00:06:08.139 --> 00:06:09.259
to go over there and tell the kid to eat the
00:06:09.259 --> 00:06:11.459
fucking cookie because he's going to win no matter
00:06:11.459 --> 00:06:13.620
what. Because they're raising a douche bag over
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there. In any case. So I thought that was one
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of the bigger what the fucks. People have this
00:06:19.319 --> 00:06:23.899
gall. that is just there that's entitlement and
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i'm just like you know this kid has no chance
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entitlement builds criminals right so yeah that
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was a big what the fuck for me i just was like
00:06:31.379 --> 00:06:34.279
find that fucking entitlement of people in this
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day and age is just just wait until you experience
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gentle parents oh well if you haven't already
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they're crazy i was not gently parented oh neither
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was i don't have a kiss i am not a gentle parent
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oh i've heard you respond sammy and which is
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oh yeah i respond so i tone down a lot of the
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time when i when other people have to hear me
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rearing my child i tone down the way i deal with
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her because if y 'all heard the way i truly deal
00:07:02.180 --> 00:07:04.459
with her you'd think i'm crazy you have to go
00:07:04.459 --> 00:07:07.759
from r to pg -13 yeah pretty much because otherwise
00:07:07.759 --> 00:07:10.000
i'm gonna sound like a psychopath sitting there
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screaming at my child so i'm like And she knows
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when I talk to her and I get this tone in my
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voice, she's like, oh shit, my mother's going
00:07:18.019 --> 00:07:19.980
to beat my ass when she gets off the phone or
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gets off this podcast or whatever. She knows
00:07:23.100 --> 00:07:26.660
the tone of like, I said you need to do blah,
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blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, because
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I'm trying not to scream around whoever's around
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to hear. And she's like, I literally see the
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light in her eyes go out and she's like, oh no,
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I'm getting my ass whooped when we get away from
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humans. But here's the thing. You guys know as
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well as I do. You can be gentle. Right. But you
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got to do what you say you're going to do. Oh,
00:07:48.360 --> 00:07:51.399
yeah. Right. If you say no, then it's no. I really
00:07:51.399 --> 00:07:53.240
don't think gentle parenting works, honestly.
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I don't know anybody that's been a gentle parent
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that doesn't have a kid that's an absolute crazy.
00:07:57.620 --> 00:08:00.100
Well, there's a certain amount of that. And I
00:08:00.100 --> 00:08:02.100
agree 100%. I don't have kids. So I'm not here
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to tell anybody how to parent. I know that my
00:08:04.220 --> 00:08:06.620
dad understood the fact that. Pleasant thank
00:08:06.620 --> 00:08:10.860
you simply does not work all the time. No. Em
00:08:10.860 --> 00:08:14.740
has probably heard from her mother, no is a complete
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fucking sentence. Oh, yeah. Correct. All the
00:08:16.879 --> 00:08:19.480
time. All the fucking time. Yeah. No is a complete
00:08:19.480 --> 00:08:22.899
sentence. All the fucking time. Yeah. No. Why?
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Because I said so. That's not an answer. The
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fuck it isn't. My parents were not gentle parents.
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My dad, he was a disciplinarian. And when my
00:08:30.639 --> 00:08:33.240
mother. This is what made it work. When my mother
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said, your ass is going to be beat when your
00:08:35.019 --> 00:08:36.740
dad gets home, there was no fucking discussion
00:08:36.740 --> 00:08:39.480
about it. There was no, well, what did he do?
00:08:39.779 --> 00:08:42.159
No. Didn't fucking matter what I did. Your mom
00:08:42.159 --> 00:08:43.700
said, you're getting your ass beat, your ass
00:08:43.700 --> 00:08:47.440
is beat. Now, he never did it angry. And so we
00:08:47.440 --> 00:08:49.720
were never abused as children. So those of you
00:08:49.720 --> 00:08:50.980
who are out there going, well, that's capital
00:08:50.980 --> 00:08:53.220
punishment. That's hitting children. That's fucking
00:08:53.220 --> 00:08:55.500
shut up. Number one, I still say sir and ma 'am.
00:08:55.580 --> 00:08:57.100
It'd be one thing if he came home and like punched
00:08:57.100 --> 00:09:00.429
you in your face. No, never. Not once. Banking
00:09:00.429 --> 00:09:03.629
is a little different. I've never been in jail.
00:09:03.929 --> 00:09:06.330
Neither have I. I never went to prison. None
00:09:06.330 --> 00:09:08.250
of this shit. If you go to jail, it's okay. I
00:09:08.250 --> 00:09:12.970
get it. But I'm not a fuck up. I'm not entitled.
00:09:13.330 --> 00:09:17.610
I don't do any of those things because I understand
00:09:17.610 --> 00:09:21.269
the value of the word no. It's a full fucking
00:09:21.269 --> 00:09:24.549
sentence. And I don't always get what I want.
00:09:24.649 --> 00:09:26.789
Does it hurt my feelings sometimes? If I had
00:09:26.789 --> 00:09:29.529
any feelings left, yeah, it would. The Navy stole
00:09:29.529 --> 00:09:31.929
those many, many years ago, starting around 1986.
00:09:32.110 --> 00:09:38.070
Oh, no. So we all three do Spark deliveries now.
00:09:38.190 --> 00:09:41.769
Something that I've noticed, and customers leave
00:09:41.769 --> 00:09:44.549
notes on their order, and this is just for curbside
00:09:44.549 --> 00:09:46.549
pickup and then delivery. They'll leave notes
00:09:46.549 --> 00:09:48.889
like, call me when you get here, and they'll
00:09:48.889 --> 00:09:50.110
leave a phone number. And then you call that
00:09:50.110 --> 00:09:57.169
number, and they never fucking answer. Now, I
00:09:57.169 --> 00:09:59.850
have a possible explanation for that. If they're
00:09:59.850 --> 00:10:03.649
on iPhone, when iOS 26 came out, there is a new
00:10:03.649 --> 00:10:07.029
feature. It screens your calls. When somebody
00:10:07.029 --> 00:10:09.289
calls you, if that person that's calling you
00:10:09.289 --> 00:10:11.389
is not in your contact list, this feature will
00:10:11.389 --> 00:10:14.210
basically ask reason for calling. I won't call
00:10:14.210 --> 00:10:16.330
twice. I'm sorry, I won't. You put it in your
00:10:16.330 --> 00:10:18.929
notes for me to call you, and I did. You did
00:10:18.929 --> 00:10:21.009
not answer. And unless you call me back within
00:10:21.009 --> 00:10:22.409
a minute, your shit's going back to the fucking
00:10:22.409 --> 00:10:24.549
store. Oh, see. Don't give a fuck what. I don't
00:10:24.549 --> 00:10:26.809
care. I give them at least two calls. I'll shoot
00:10:26.809 --> 00:10:28.929
one quick text, and if I don't hear from you
00:10:28.929 --> 00:10:31.090
within at least two minutes, then I'm like, all
00:10:31.090 --> 00:10:32.210
right, I guess we're not doing this. Time is
00:10:32.210 --> 00:10:36.970
money. Here's what I've noticed. Gate codes call
00:10:36.970 --> 00:10:40.210
me, and I forgot that I live in a goddamn apartment.
00:10:40.529 --> 00:10:42.990
So here's the address to this giant apartment
00:10:42.990 --> 00:10:45.190
complex, but no apartment number. Go fuck yourself.
00:10:45.450 --> 00:10:47.529
Or sometimes a customer will leave a note from
00:10:47.529 --> 00:10:49.389
a previous order that they didn't delete on their
00:10:49.389 --> 00:10:51.669
current order. I had one that said, please leave
00:10:51.669 --> 00:10:54.370
groceries in an orange basket. On the front porch.
00:10:54.549 --> 00:10:55.970
Be like, there's no fucking orange basket. There's
00:10:55.970 --> 00:10:58.509
no orange basket. So you know what? Yeah, I've
00:10:58.509 --> 00:11:00.070
had that happen a couple times. It'll be like,
00:11:00.190 --> 00:11:02.690
oh, there's so -and -so or something on the window
00:11:02.690 --> 00:11:05.230
or something. I send a message back in the app
00:11:05.230 --> 00:11:07.309
itself, and I said, as per your notes, there
00:11:07.309 --> 00:11:11.009
was no orange basket. Mm -hmm. To let them know,
00:11:11.149 --> 00:11:13.590
hey, get rid of that old fucking note. Remove
00:11:13.590 --> 00:11:16.509
it off the note. Yes. Don't just click, click,
00:11:16.590 --> 00:11:18.129
click, accept, accept, accept. Next, next, next,
00:11:18.289 --> 00:11:20.440
next, next, next, next. Read the shit that you
00:11:20.440 --> 00:11:22.419
put in there. I just bumped my boom arm, which
00:11:22.419 --> 00:11:27.559
I never do. These two bitches. Got it. Always
00:11:27.559 --> 00:11:34.320
fucking doing it. It's finally your time. Melatonin.
00:11:34.799 --> 00:11:38.440
I've firmly believed that it's the worst and
00:11:38.440 --> 00:11:40.960
horrendous and terrible for you because every
00:11:40.960 --> 00:11:43.200
time I would take it, I would feel like I went
00:11:43.200 --> 00:11:45.039
on a fucking blackout bender the night before
00:11:45.039 --> 00:11:47.179
when I woke up the next morning. And guess what?
00:11:47.779 --> 00:11:51.379
It's now linked to heart disease. Everything's
00:11:51.379 --> 00:11:53.200
linked to heart disease. It's like increased
00:11:53.200 --> 00:11:57.960
risk of heart disease if you take it regularly
00:11:57.960 --> 00:12:00.379
kind of thing. So now I need to have a conversation
00:12:00.379 --> 00:12:02.700
with my father because he takes it every fucking
00:12:02.700 --> 00:12:05.620
night. How old's your dad? 72. He'll be all right.
00:12:05.659 --> 00:12:08.139
Yeah, he's fine. You know, we're going to die
00:12:08.139 --> 00:12:11.279
at some point. He's only started taking it nearly
00:12:11.279 --> 00:12:13.929
every night in the last like... two or three
00:12:13.929 --> 00:12:15.730
years. So it's not like it's been a whole life.
00:12:15.830 --> 00:12:17.649
He's been doing it. It's been more recent that
00:12:17.649 --> 00:12:20.870
he's, does he go to the doctor regularly? Sometimes.
00:12:21.269 --> 00:12:23.730
Yeah. I don't think he's super, I mean, no, when
00:12:23.730 --> 00:12:25.830
I say that, does he get an annual checkup or
00:12:25.830 --> 00:12:28.730
something like that? I hope so. I don't know.
00:12:30.789 --> 00:12:32.970
I think he just tends to go when he doesn't feel
00:12:32.970 --> 00:12:34.850
good. And he's like, no, I guess I should go
00:12:34.850 --> 00:12:36.149
to the doctor. Whoa.
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.580
You're going to be down there sucking dick anyways
00:00:01.580 --> 00:00:05.320
and have a little snack. The reason. The reason.
00:00:06.419 --> 00:00:12.400
Hang on. What the fuck was I going to say? This
00:00:12.400 --> 00:00:15.000
isn't called What the Heck Podcast, my guy. Yeah,
00:00:15.019 --> 00:00:17.239
what the heck? I'm looking at guitar porn right
00:00:17.239 --> 00:00:19.179
now. Penis, penis, penis, vagina, vagina, vagina,
00:00:19.379 --> 00:00:21.460
sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex. Whoa. That hit
00:00:21.460 --> 00:00:23.679
home right there, really. I thought you were
00:00:23.679 --> 00:00:25.100
going to say I get to play with balls all the
00:00:25.100 --> 00:00:29.579
time. No, I could. Sam, did you have a gummie
00:00:29.579 --> 00:00:34.240
before the show? No. This is just me high on
00:00:34.240 --> 00:00:36.359
life, y 'all. You're going to hit 60 and your
00:00:36.359 --> 00:00:38.299
balls are going to hit the floor. I don't give
00:00:38.299 --> 00:00:41.920
a shit. I just don't give a fuck. I don't. She's
00:00:41.920 --> 00:00:44.880
a ninja, bitch. Yes, so she's overhearing us
00:00:44.880 --> 00:00:47.439
talking about her behind her back. I caught part
00:00:47.439 --> 00:00:50.140
of your homework that you turned in there, Sammy,
00:00:50.320 --> 00:00:52.960
something about a manager or something. Oh, yeah,
00:00:53.100 --> 00:00:55.679
the manager. So a different manager. I see something
00:00:55.679 --> 00:00:57.780
about bitch in here, too. Can I say that out
00:00:57.780 --> 00:01:00.579
loud? Yeah, I saw the word bitch. Still being
00:01:00.579 --> 00:01:03.619
a bitch, but acting weird. The C -Rex of my current
00:01:03.619 --> 00:01:07.680
job. I was in Baghdad when you were in your dad's
00:01:07.680 --> 00:01:12.909
bag. I've been wanting to use that one for a
00:01:12.909 --> 00:01:14.709
little minute. I brought you into this world.
00:01:14.870 --> 00:01:17.629
I will take you right the fuck back out. She
00:01:17.629 --> 00:01:21.430
came from my loins. What can I say? I'm Jake
00:01:21.430 --> 00:01:24.269
Jacobs. This is Sammie This is the Don. And you're
00:01:24.269 --> 00:01:37.290
listening to What the Fuck. Welcome to What the
00:01:37.290 --> 00:01:39.730
Fuck, the podcast where we say all the things.
00:01:40.189 --> 00:01:42.430
You're thinking. But probably shouldn't. You
00:01:42.430 --> 00:01:44.409
definitely shouldn't. Before we went on the air
00:01:44.409 --> 00:01:47.090
tonight, I had to go to fucking Walmart to get
00:01:47.090 --> 00:01:50.230
dry dog food. If my dogs miss a meal, they would
00:01:50.230 --> 00:01:51.709
just waste away to nothing. And they'll let me
00:01:51.709 --> 00:01:54.450
know that. Correct. Animal abuse. Absolute animal
00:01:54.450 --> 00:01:58.329
abuse in their eyes. Yes. I'm in Walmart. I was
00:01:58.329 --> 00:02:01.420
behind a dude. who was pulling his cart from
00:02:01.420 --> 00:02:03.540
the front. Why do people fucking do that? Well,
00:02:03.599 --> 00:02:05.239
he was staring down into his phone so he was
00:02:05.239 --> 00:02:07.500
paying no attention to the traffic and he was
00:02:07.500 --> 00:02:09.259
paying no attention to the person in front of
00:02:09.259 --> 00:02:10.919
him and the person in front of him who was coming
00:02:10.919 --> 00:02:13.460
straight toward him was also looking down at
00:02:13.460 --> 00:02:15.620
her phone and I witnessed a head -on collision.
00:02:15.780 --> 00:02:18.719
Fantastic. And of course, with me being right
00:02:18.719 --> 00:02:22.659
behind and me being who I am, I had to provide
00:02:22.659 --> 00:02:24.560
some commentary and I said, it's a good thing
00:02:24.560 --> 00:02:26.460
y 'all weren't driving fucking cars. Oh, that's
00:02:26.460 --> 00:02:28.219
beautiful. And then walked off. I got to throw
00:02:28.219 --> 00:02:30.039
a what the fuck out there that just threw me
00:02:30.039 --> 00:02:32.500
for a motherfucking loop a little while ago.
00:02:32.520 --> 00:02:34.979
And you guys are going to love it. I am not a
00:02:34.979 --> 00:02:38.879
parent. Okay. But I was a kid. And I know that
00:02:38.879 --> 00:02:42.879
parenting style has changed for many. My wife
00:02:42.879 --> 00:02:44.900
and I got home. I says, listen, let's go to the
00:02:44.900 --> 00:02:47.219
loop. It's this little restaurant that kind of
00:02:47.219 --> 00:02:49.419
specializes in pizzas and shit. Their food's
00:02:49.419 --> 00:02:51.599
excellent. It's right down the road. And we live
00:02:51.599 --> 00:02:54.840
in a nice area. So, you know, there's some people
00:02:54.840 --> 00:02:57.250
that have some. Some money. That's not always
00:02:57.250 --> 00:02:59.610
good. So we're sitting there. We're outside.
00:03:00.009 --> 00:03:01.770
A little buzzer goes off and you go get your
00:03:01.770 --> 00:03:04.349
food and you come out. So they have these fire
00:03:04.349 --> 00:03:05.949
towers. It's getting a little bit chilly here
00:03:05.949 --> 00:03:10.150
in Florida. Certainly not cold by any stretch
00:03:10.150 --> 00:03:12.129
of the imagination. But we're pussies because
00:03:12.129 --> 00:03:17.129
it's fucking Florida and it's cold. So they have
00:03:17.129 --> 00:03:19.469
these fucking fire towers. They're really cool.
00:03:19.710 --> 00:03:22.620
But they're not turned on. And Melissa and I
00:03:22.620 --> 00:03:24.360
don't give a shit because we prepared. We sit
00:03:24.360 --> 00:03:26.319
outside. I had a flannel shirt on. She had a
00:03:26.319 --> 00:03:28.560
long -sleeved little hoodie. This family comes
00:03:28.560 --> 00:03:32.699
in. The Karen, I mean, wife is wearing, she's
00:03:32.699 --> 00:03:34.960
wearing a nurse's scrubs. I don't know if she's
00:03:34.960 --> 00:03:37.479
a doctor, nurse, it doesn't matter. It looked
00:03:37.479 --> 00:03:40.180
like there was another female older, maybe could
00:03:40.180 --> 00:03:43.650
have been her mother, a son. who is going to
00:03:43.650 --> 00:03:47.750
grow up to be a douchebag and a fucking bitch
00:03:47.750 --> 00:03:49.889
-ass husband who goes to the gym three or four
00:03:49.889 --> 00:03:53.430
times a day, but is a weak man. And all this
00:03:53.430 --> 00:03:56.069
came to fruition, and it was really easy to see
00:03:56.069 --> 00:03:57.830
whenever they came out. They walked out after
00:03:57.830 --> 00:04:01.169
their order to come sit outside. They got the
00:04:01.169 --> 00:04:04.229
table next to us. The kids all wanted a cookie
00:04:04.229 --> 00:04:07.960
and just whiny little thing. Melissa and I looked
00:04:07.960 --> 00:04:09.800
at each other like, okay, we know where this
00:04:09.800 --> 00:04:13.080
is headed. At some point, everybody's cold now.
00:04:13.759 --> 00:04:16.339
So they call the kid over that works there. He's
00:04:16.339 --> 00:04:18.399
trying to start one of these fire towers. The
00:04:18.399 --> 00:04:20.199
motherfucker wouldn't start. You mean like those
00:04:20.199 --> 00:04:22.199
little metal umbrella looking things that like
00:04:22.199 --> 00:04:25.920
shoot heat? The fire shoots up into a tube. It's
00:04:25.920 --> 00:04:28.779
badass. He was over here trying to start ours.
00:04:28.899 --> 00:04:30.860
And she said, can you come start ours first?
00:04:31.279 --> 00:04:34.269
Because we're cold. That's how it started. Oh,
00:04:34.290 --> 00:04:37.089
hell no. Right? And so Melissa and I just looked
00:04:37.089 --> 00:04:38.370
at each other like, we don't give a shit because
00:04:38.370 --> 00:04:40.410
we don't want the thing on anyway. So the dude
00:04:40.410 --> 00:04:42.769
couldn't get the fucking thing started. No big
00:04:42.769 --> 00:04:45.490
deal. So the manager comes out and waves this
00:04:45.490 --> 00:04:47.889
young man in like, hey, come here, come here,
00:04:47.910 --> 00:04:49.629
come here. Because there's some liabilities that
00:04:49.629 --> 00:04:53.649
go along with playing with fire and LP gas, et
00:04:53.649 --> 00:04:55.410
cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Meanwhile, Karen
00:04:55.410 --> 00:04:58.069
over here, she's trying to tell him how to make
00:04:58.069 --> 00:05:00.370
this thing work. When he walks in, she starts
00:05:00.370 --> 00:05:02.379
fucking with it. Trying to start this thing up.
00:05:02.439 --> 00:05:03.560
Kick, kick, kick, kick, kick. You know, hitting
00:05:03.560 --> 00:05:04.759
the button and all this. They don't know what
00:05:04.759 --> 00:05:09.279
the fuck they're doing. Then husband boy comes
00:05:09.279 --> 00:05:13.680
over to ours at their strap to a pole. He pulls
00:05:13.680 --> 00:05:16.240
the strap off. I thought he's fixing to jack
00:05:16.240 --> 00:05:18.959
the whole thing. Oh, my God. Like, what are we
00:05:18.959 --> 00:05:21.079
fucking? Are we chopped liver here? Chopped liver?
00:05:21.160 --> 00:05:24.800
He pulls the fucking fuel tank out of it and
00:05:24.800 --> 00:05:26.360
goes, well, this one's full. And he brings it
00:05:26.360 --> 00:05:29.060
over to their fire tower and starts hooking it
00:05:29.060 --> 00:05:30.800
up. And that's about the time the... The manager
00:05:30.800 --> 00:05:33.459
comes out losing his monkey ass. Oh, I would
00:05:33.459 --> 00:05:36.660
have. But I'm just looking at the, I'm like the
00:05:36.660 --> 00:05:39.800
gall of these fucking people. And it's all led
00:05:39.800 --> 00:05:42.879
by this fucking Karen, the nurse, doctor, whatever
00:05:42.879 --> 00:05:45.779
she is. All right. So remember we started with
00:05:45.779 --> 00:05:48.500
the story with the kid coming out. I want a cookie.
00:05:50.040 --> 00:05:53.899
Somebody said no. Right. And that's good. Except
00:05:53.899 --> 00:05:56.560
it didn't last. So mom goes in there. I'm like,
00:05:56.660 --> 00:06:00.120
here we go. Buys this fucking little brat a cookie.
00:06:00.800 --> 00:06:02.879
And then, well, you're not going to be able to
00:06:02.879 --> 00:06:06.019
eat it until you finish your dinner. And I said,
00:06:06.160 --> 00:06:08.139
out loud where everybody could hear me. I'm going
00:06:08.139 --> 00:06:09.259
to go over there and tell the kid to eat the
00:06:09.259 --> 00:06:11.459
fucking cookie because he's going to win no matter
00:06:11.459 --> 00:06:13.620
what. Because they're raising a douche bag over
00:06:13.620 --> 00:06:16.639
there. In any case. So I thought that was one
00:06:16.639 --> 00:06:19.319
of the bigger what the fucks. People have this
00:06:19.319 --> 00:06:23.899
gall. that is just there that's entitlement and
00:06:23.899 --> 00:06:26.220
i'm just like you know this kid has no chance
00:06:26.220 --> 00:06:28.899
entitlement builds criminals right so yeah that
00:06:28.899 --> 00:06:31.379
was a big what the fuck for me i just was like
00:06:31.379 --> 00:06:34.279
find that fucking entitlement of people in this
00:06:34.279 --> 00:06:36.759
day and age is just just wait until you experience
00:06:36.759 --> 00:06:40.100
gentle parents oh well if you haven't already
00:06:40.100 --> 00:06:43.720
they're crazy i was not gently parented oh neither
00:06:43.720 --> 00:06:46.420
was i don't have a kiss i am not a gentle parent
00:06:46.420 --> 00:06:49.459
oh i've heard you respond sammy and which is
00:06:49.459 --> 00:06:54.199
oh yeah i respond so i tone down a lot of the
00:06:54.199 --> 00:06:56.139
time when i when other people have to hear me
00:06:56.139 --> 00:06:59.920
rearing my child i tone down the way i deal with
00:06:59.920 --> 00:07:02.180
her because if y 'all heard the way i truly deal
00:07:02.180 --> 00:07:04.459
with her you'd think i'm crazy you have to go
00:07:04.459 --> 00:07:07.759
from r to pg -13 yeah pretty much because otherwise
00:07:07.759 --> 00:07:10.000
i'm gonna sound like a psychopath sitting there
00:07:10.000 --> 00:07:13.160
screaming at my child so i'm like And she knows
00:07:13.160 --> 00:07:16.300
when I talk to her and I get this tone in my
00:07:16.300 --> 00:07:18.019
voice, she's like, oh shit, my mother's going
00:07:18.019 --> 00:07:19.980
to beat my ass when she gets off the phone or
00:07:19.980 --> 00:07:23.100
gets off this podcast or whatever. She knows
00:07:23.100 --> 00:07:26.660
the tone of like, I said you need to do blah,
00:07:26.759 --> 00:07:28.740
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, because
00:07:28.740 --> 00:07:32.459
I'm trying not to scream around whoever's around
00:07:32.459 --> 00:07:35.220
to hear. And she's like, I literally see the
00:07:35.220 --> 00:07:37.279
light in her eyes go out and she's like, oh no,
00:07:37.319 --> 00:07:39.639
I'm getting my ass whooped when we get away from
00:07:39.639 --> 00:07:42.180
humans. But here's the thing. You guys know as
00:07:42.180 --> 00:07:45.560
well as I do. You can be gentle. Right. But you
00:07:45.560 --> 00:07:48.360
got to do what you say you're going to do. Oh,
00:07:48.360 --> 00:07:51.399
yeah. Right. If you say no, then it's no. I really
00:07:51.399 --> 00:07:53.240
don't think gentle parenting works, honestly.
00:07:53.339 --> 00:07:55.620
I don't know anybody that's been a gentle parent
00:07:55.620 --> 00:07:57.620
that doesn't have a kid that's an absolute crazy.
00:07:57.620 --> 00:08:00.100
Well, there's a certain amount of that. And I
00:08:00.100 --> 00:08:02.100
agree 100%. I don't have kids. So I'm not here
00:08:02.100 --> 00:08:04.220
to tell anybody how to parent. I know that my
00:08:04.220 --> 00:08:06.620
dad understood the fact that. Pleasant thank
00:08:06.620 --> 00:08:10.860
you simply does not work all the time. No. Em
00:08:10.860 --> 00:08:14.740
has probably heard from her mother, no is a complete
00:08:14.740 --> 00:08:16.879
fucking sentence. Oh, yeah. Correct. All the
00:08:16.879 --> 00:08:19.480
time. All the fucking time. Yeah. No is a complete
00:08:19.480 --> 00:08:22.899
sentence. All the fucking time. Yeah. No. Why?
00:08:23.060 --> 00:08:25.459
Because I said so. That's not an answer. The
00:08:25.459 --> 00:08:28.079
fuck it isn't. My parents were not gentle parents.
00:08:28.279 --> 00:08:30.639
My dad, he was a disciplinarian. And when my
00:08:30.639 --> 00:08:33.240
mother. This is what made it work. When my mother
00:08:33.240 --> 00:08:35.019
said, your ass is going to be beat when your
00:08:35.019 --> 00:08:36.740
dad gets home, there was no fucking discussion
00:08:36.740 --> 00:08:39.480
about it. There was no, well, what did he do?
00:08:39.779 --> 00:08:42.159
No. Didn't fucking matter what I did. Your mom
00:08:42.159 --> 00:08:43.700
said, you're getting your ass beat, your ass
00:08:43.700 --> 00:08:47.440
is beat. Now, he never did it angry. And so we
00:08:47.440 --> 00:08:49.720
were never abused as children. So those of you
00:08:49.720 --> 00:08:50.980
who are out there going, well, that's capital
00:08:50.980 --> 00:08:53.220
punishment. That's hitting children. That's fucking
00:08:53.220 --> 00:08:55.500
shut up. Number one, I still say sir and ma 'am.
00:08:55.580 --> 00:08:57.100
It'd be one thing if he came home and like punched
00:08:57.100 --> 00:09:00.429
you in your face. No, never. Not once. Banking
00:09:00.429 --> 00:09:03.629
is a little different. I've never been in jail.
00:09:03.929 --> 00:09:06.330
Neither have I. I never went to prison. None
00:09:06.330 --> 00:09:08.250
of this shit. If you go to jail, it's okay. I
00:09:08.250 --> 00:09:12.970
get it. But I'm not a fuck up. I'm not entitled.
00:09:13.330 --> 00:09:17.610
I don't do any of those things because I understand
00:09:17.610 --> 00:09:21.269
the value of the word no. It's a full fucking
00:09:21.269 --> 00:09:24.549
sentence. And I don't always get what I want.
00:09:24.649 --> 00:09:26.789
Does it hurt my feelings sometimes? If I had
00:09:26.789 --> 00:09:29.529
any feelings left, yeah, it would. The Navy stole
00:09:29.529 --> 00:09:31.929
those many, many years ago, starting around 1986.
00:09:32.110 --> 00:09:38.070
Oh, no. So we all three do Spark deliveries now.
00:09:38.190 --> 00:09:41.769
Something that I've noticed, and customers leave
00:09:41.769 --> 00:09:44.549
notes on their order, and this is just for curbside
00:09:44.549 --> 00:09:46.549
pickup and then delivery. They'll leave notes
00:09:46.549 --> 00:09:48.889
like, call me when you get here, and they'll
00:09:48.889 --> 00:09:50.110
leave a phone number. And then you call that
00:09:50.110 --> 00:09:57.169
number, and they never fucking answer. Now, I
00:09:57.169 --> 00:09:59.850
have a possible explanation for that. If they're
00:09:59.850 --> 00:10:03.649
on iPhone, when iOS 26 came out, there is a new
00:10:03.649 --> 00:10:07.029
feature. It screens your calls. When somebody
00:10:07.029 --> 00:10:09.289
calls you, if that person that's calling you
00:10:09.289 --> 00:10:11.389
is not in your contact list, this feature will
00:10:11.389 --> 00:10:14.210
basically ask reason for calling. I won't call
00:10:14.210 --> 00:10:16.330
twice. I'm sorry, I won't. You put it in your
00:10:16.330 --> 00:10:18.929
notes for me to call you, and I did. You did
00:10:18.929 --> 00:10:21.009
not answer. And unless you call me back within
00:10:21.009 --> 00:10:22.409
a minute, your shit's going back to the fucking
00:10:22.409 --> 00:10:24.549
store. Oh, see. Don't give a fuck what. I don't
00:10:24.549 --> 00:10:26.809
care. I give them at least two calls. I'll shoot
00:10:26.809 --> 00:10:28.929
one quick text, and if I don't hear from you
00:10:28.929 --> 00:10:31.090
within at least two minutes, then I'm like, all
00:10:31.090 --> 00:10:32.210
right, I guess we're not doing this. Time is
00:10:32.210 --> 00:10:36.970
money. Here's what I've noticed. Gate codes call
00:10:36.970 --> 00:10:40.210
me, and I forgot that I live in a goddamn apartment.
00:10:40.529 --> 00:10:42.990
So here's the address to this giant apartment
00:10:42.990 --> 00:10:45.190
complex, but no apartment number. Go fuck yourself.
00:10:45.450 --> 00:10:47.529
Or sometimes a customer will leave a note from
00:10:47.529 --> 00:10:49.389
a previous order that they didn't delete on their
00:10:49.389 --> 00:10:51.669
current order. I had one that said, please leave
00:10:51.669 --> 00:10:54.370
groceries in an orange basket. On the front porch.
00:10:54.549 --> 00:10:55.970
Be like, there's no fucking orange basket. There's
00:10:55.970 --> 00:10:58.509
no orange basket. So you know what? Yeah, I've
00:10:58.509 --> 00:11:00.070
had that happen a couple times. It'll be like,
00:11:00.190 --> 00:11:02.690
oh, there's so -and -so or something on the window
00:11:02.690 --> 00:11:05.230
or something. I send a message back in the app
00:11:05.230 --> 00:11:07.309
itself, and I said, as per your notes, there
00:11:07.309 --> 00:11:11.009
was no orange basket. Mm -hmm. To let them know,
00:11:11.149 --> 00:11:13.590
hey, get rid of that old fucking note. Remove
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it off the note. Yes. Don't just click, click,
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click, accept, accept, accept. Next, next, next,
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next, next, next, next. Read the shit that you
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put in there. I just bumped my boom arm, which
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I never do. These two bitches. Got it. Always
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fucking doing it. It's finally your time. Melatonin.
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I've firmly believed that it's the worst and
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horrendous and terrible for you because every
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time I would take it, I would feel like I went
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on a fucking blackout bender the night before
00:11:45.039 --> 00:11:47.179
when I woke up the next morning. And guess what?
00:11:47.779 --> 00:11:51.379
It's now linked to heart disease. Everything's
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linked to heart disease. It's like increased
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risk of heart disease if you take it regularly
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kind of thing. So now I need to have a conversation
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with my father because he takes it every fucking
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night. How old's your dad? 72. He'll be all right.
00:12:05.659 --> 00:12:08.139
Yeah, he's fine. You know, we're going to die
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at some point. He's only started taking it nearly
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every night in the last like... two or three
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years. So it's not like it's been a whole life.
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He's been doing it. It's been more recent that
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he's, does he go to the doctor regularly? Sometimes.
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Yeah. I don't think he's super, I mean, no, when
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I say that, does he get an annual checkup or
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something like that? I hope so. I don't know.
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I think he just tends to go when he doesn't feel
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good. And he's like, no, I guess I should go
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to the doctor. Whoa.