Laser Focused On My Ass

WEBVTT

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Why are my tits falling off? What's going on?

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What is... What the fuck? To make this long story

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longer, I think it was at a fucking birthday.

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Jake went for another naked hiney. You know naked

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hineys? 69 calories. Giggity. That's my favorite

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number. You can be gay as a picnic basket, in

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the words of my wife. You can have flowers shooting

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out of your ass. I don't give a fuck. Hey, what's

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up, everybody? What's up? Yeah, let's try that

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again, motherfucker. I'm Jake Jacobs. This is

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Sammy. This is the Don. And you're listening

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to... what the fuck what's up everybody welcome

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back to what the fuck the podcast where we say

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all the things you're thinking but probably shouldn't

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today we're joined by my good friend katie someone

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i've known since her days working at tony's food

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land in jolton tennessee Back then, she was bagging

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groceries, and now she's out here unpacking minds.

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After leaving Tony's, she took a bold leap, joined

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the Air Force, and now she's the host of her

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own podcast, What the Psychology, where she dives

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into the weird, wild, and sometimes dark corners

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of human behavior. Katie, welcome to What the

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Fuck. How are you? I'm good. I'm so excited to

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be here. I've always just listened to other podcasts,

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especially like true crime ones. And I'm like,

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they mentioned like this person had this mental

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illness, but they never go into it or they never

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explore it or like just all the things that go

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with that. Or even with true crime, it's like,

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oh, this person had schizophrenia and they make

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it seem like everyone with schizophrenia is violent,

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which is. very not true like it's a very very

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low rate of people so i really try to emphasize

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like both the dark and the light side like let's

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talk about cults and all the horrible things

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and then some of us are more light -hearted don't

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even get me started about cults i i'm a cult

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fucking fanatic like anything dealing with the

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cult it's like fucking meth for me hearing about

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cults because i'm like just like seeing people

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crazier than me i think very early on i talked

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about milgram's experiment which is about obedience

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and manipulation and that actually that study

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came out because of the nuremberg trials and

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so it really tested the boundaries of humanity

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and how much control people can have over us

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oh yeah in later episodes i explored like how

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salesmen use tactics like manipulation tactics

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which kind of came out of that experiment and

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then i go into other cults too so one of the

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episodes you mentioned criminal minds a tv show

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and i'm like oh my fucking god i use them a lot

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yeah That was a psychotic break. That's a really

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dark show. It is. That one of the actors left

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because it was too dark for him. Mandy Patinkin?

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Yeah. He regrets ever doing the show because

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he was like, it was too dark and I should have

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never done it. But that's part of humanity, unfortunately.

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But when you're exposed to that so much and there's

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not balance. But then he went on to do another

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show that was just as dark, if not darker and

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more violent. Well, he came to this revelation,

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I think, later in life. I think it was getting

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too dark for him at the time and he wanted a

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break from it. But then, yeah, he did go in and

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do another. Now he doesn't do anything acting,

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I think. Yeah, I think he's done. Retired, living

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his life with his wife in their cute little cabin,

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and their son, like, takes videos of them, and

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it's adorable. I love Mandy Patinkin. Even just,

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I think I had one episode about Halloween and

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talked about why Halloween is so intriguing,

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and even just, like, horror movies, like, you're

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put into a space where you know you're safe,

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and it's okay to explore those things. If you're

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constantly exposed to that, then it's not good.

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Let's run upstairs, guys. If you go into a horror

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or a haunted house, except if it's like McKinney

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Manor, which is violent, whatever, you know you're

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in a safe space. You know you're exploring that

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darker side of humanity, but you're also safe

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while doing it. So it's also very interesting.

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Psychological concept. The title of the podcast

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and how it's like, what the fuck? That was the

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whole premise of what the psychology, but like

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a play on of words. So it's kind of funny how

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there's that connection there. Everyone says,

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what the fuck? If you don't say it, you're at

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least thinking it. And if you're not saying the

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word fuck, then you're saying, what the hell?

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You're saying a version of it. And they all have

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different meanings. When was the last time you

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either said it or thought it? I was very, very,

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very early on in the pregnancy. Like just found

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out a week before. And I was about six weeks

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pregnant, so very early. And I had some pain

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and some spotting, which spotting is normal.

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Pain, not so much. And so I called the nurse's

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line. It's like 10 o 'clock at night. I'm like,

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I don't think I need to go to the emergency room,

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but maybe, I don't know. They're like, oh, it

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could be nothing. It could be ectopic, which

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means like an implanted outside your uterus,

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which is not good. You could die. You could die.

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And so they're like, maybe just in case. I'm

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like. Yeah, you think? Just let them do a quick

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little ultrasound -y sound. So we're sitting

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there in the room. It took forever. We didn't

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get out of there until like 4 in the morning.

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They did an ultrasound, and when you're so early

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on, they can do an abdominal, but it's not as

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accurate, so they have to do, they call it transvaginal,

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where you pretty much get a long, nice, glued

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-up tube. It's like a giant dildo they stick

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up, and it's got a probe in it. Yeah, so you

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get probed. That's what it equates to. Yeah,

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so a very good time. And so the tech is like,

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very good time um the tech the tech gets you

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know she's like i'm gonna extra lube it up for

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you and you know and so you know she doesn't

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have a vibrator function on it i wish that baby

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be moving i bet it's massage therapy oh my god

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but um so you know she puts the long probe in

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and i'm covering everything my husband's just

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sitting there it's like damn i haven't had this

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much action since i've been pregnant and my husband's

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like oh my oh my husband's like what the fuck

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Rude. I mean, I feel like at this point my husband

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should know, but sometimes he's just like, I

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can't believe you just said that, or I just can't

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believe, like, oh my God. So Don has been hinting

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at a special what the fuck. I think this one

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here is going to be more what the fuck from these

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two. I was at Bike Week, as you guys know, here

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in Daytona Beach. So I live in Florida, Katie,

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in St. Augustine, Florida. And I went to Bike

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Week. So one of the petty officers that used

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to report to me, we remained friends. And she's

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now human resources at Teddy Moore's Harley Davidson,

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the world's largest Harley Davidson dealership

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in Daytona Beach. I fucking went back to work.

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So I am a Harley Davidson sales director at Teddy

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Moore's. Early days. And if you don't think that

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was a what the fuck, I bypassed because of Ashley.

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It's all about who you know sometimes. Sales

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director. I don't know enough people. Yeah, I'm

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the sales guy. So we know this motherfucker gets

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a fucking discount. True, true, true. Oh, yeah.

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Like you read about. For years and years since

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I retired from the Navy, I've done a bunch of

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things. Most recently, I've kind of left corporate

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America. I was the senior vice president of a

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large company. And before that, a senior VP of

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a much, much larger company. Damn. And most recently

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got fired. For telling HR to fuck off. I kind

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of did. When I sat down with the general sales

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manager and he was going through the compensation

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profile, I was slack -jawed. I couldn't believe

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the number. I was like, let me stop you right

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there. Are you serious? This is not La La Land,

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right? This is not Pine. This guy was like, no.

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He said, our CEO, who is Teddy Moores, he's a

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biker just like we are, and he wants you to make

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money. And I was fucking shocked. Literally,

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I'm still shocked. He said, dude, you can make

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quite a fine living selling motorcycles. Working

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five days a week and regular hours. He said,

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I don't like doing late deals and all that shit.

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Get here. I want you to go home on time. I want

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you to spend time with your family. Get major

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holidays off. You know, there's always the rallies

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and things where you work your brains out. And

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I was thinking to myself, man, I can get out

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there and talk to people, which is what I do

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well. Build bridges. I can sell ice water to

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an Eskimo and do it with a product that I truly

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believe in. Yeah. Bottom line is five minutes

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into the interview, he was like, dude, this is

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going to be a job. I was like, I want the job.

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He says, it's yours. That's awesome. Now we got

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to make a spot for you because they didn't have

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a spot. He's like, they created one for you.

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That is awesome. I get to play with motorcycles

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all fucking day, which is kind of a dream. That

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was my what the fuck. I didn't think I was going

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back to work. I thought I'd just retire my shit.

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Maybe find a band to play in. Don, my t -shirt

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size is 2X, by the way. You a 2X? Okay, then.

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What's really cool is I come from a Harley family.

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Nice. My grandfather rode Harleys. I remember

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being five and he's sticking me on the back of

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his Harley. My stepdad has a Harley. He goes

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to bike week almost every year in Daytona. So

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that's really fun. And then another thing, you

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mentioned St. Augustine. Before I got pregnant,

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I was considering going for my doctorate after

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this, and there's St. Augustine School of Health

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Sciences. and it's like you have to graduate,

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and I'm still considering going there eventually.

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So if I ever go to that school, maybe I'll pop

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over that way. Yeah, I mean, we live St. Augustine

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proper, so we're pretty close to downtown. If

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you're there, Katie, and someone's giving you

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shit, they call Don the hitman, so you're there.

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Just look him up. Good to know. Shit works both

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ways, too. No, I'm a little bit of a traitor,

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but I'm a new biker, so I have a little Honda

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Grom, a little crotch rocket. That thing is fun.

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I told my wife, I said, I think we're going to

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buy a couple of those just for sport. They're

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so fun. They're really a lot of fun. But that's

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one thing, like I used to ride to work every

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day and then. As soon as I got pregnant, my husband

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was like, you're not allowed to ride anymore.

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I'm like, yes, I am. He's like, it's not you.

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It's other people. And I don't want you to risk.

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I'm like, OK, I get that. So I trust you on the

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road. You don't trust everybody else around you

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on the road. OK, so I moved to North Carolina.

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It'll be three years this July. Ask me if I've

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changed over my driver's license or license plates.

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Sam, have you changed over any of your shit?

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No. Watch that. My inspection is three years

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dead and my tags are two years dead. But they

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haven't pulled me over because I. think it's

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a not my monkey not my circus situation there's

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still virginia tags so i've been in front of

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let me knock on all the wood around me right

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now i've been behind cops or been in front of

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cops and they haven't done anything but it's

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i have to go up to virginia for this con that

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i'm going to next week yeah and so i'm like i

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have to because otherwise i'm gonna have like

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thousands of dollars in tickets knowing my luck

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to drive up there and back so i was like trying

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to get all my shit together for it has been a

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nightmare because i didn't realize all that I

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needed. I will tell you this because I spent

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a lot of time in Virginia and I spent a lot of

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times with an expired inspection sticker. And

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typically they won't pull you over for an expired

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inspection sticker unless you're being stupid.

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If they catch you for running a red light or

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rolling a stop sign. They'll add that shit right

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on there. They will pull you over and, oh, by

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the way, why is your inspection two years expired?

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Let's talk about that. I did finally get all

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the paperwork and everything I needed. So on

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Monday, I will be going in. It's literally, I'll

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be two days out from leaving and I'll be getting

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this shit taken care of. When I first started

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doing the door dashing and everything, and I

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had an order that ended up being on the base,

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which I don't have base access because I don't

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have a card to get on base right now. The guys

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that were checking my vehicle. as they're telling

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me like, no, you got to turn around. The guy

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walks back, he comes back and he tilts his head

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and like looks in my window and he goes. you

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know, you're tagged two years dead. And I was

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like, I'm fully aware, sir. Why do you think

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I'm doing this? I was like, I'm trying to get

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the money to get this shit. I was like that.

00:11:43.220 --> 00:11:45.600
And you know, ADHD is a hell of a drug. I got

00:11:45.600 --> 00:11:47.879
real bad executive dysfunction. Hey, I know a

00:11:47.879 --> 00:11:49.799
therapist. Like if you looked at my call log,

00:11:49.820 --> 00:11:52.059
it's wild. It's like randomized between phone

00:11:52.059 --> 00:11:54.700
calls to my mom and dad, my neighbor who used

00:11:54.700 --> 00:11:57.419
to work for the license plate agency who I just

00:11:57.419 --> 00:12:00.059
found out retired in September. So I'm like calling

00:12:00.059 --> 00:12:02.399
her, calling my parents, calling Chrysler Capital,

00:12:02.500 --> 00:12:04.740
who I have my loan through for my vehicle because

00:12:04.740 --> 00:12:06.539
obviously I'm still paying on it so I don't have

00:12:06.539 --> 00:12:09.460
the title I like had to call them twice because

00:12:09.460 --> 00:12:11.740
the first person I talked to I guess she was

00:12:11.740 --> 00:12:14.899
new or just dumb I don't know but she was like

00:12:14.899 --> 00:12:16.659
oh it's gonna take like two to four weeks for

00:12:16.659 --> 00:12:19.500
us to send it out the DMV has to request it and

00:12:19.500 --> 00:12:23.159
my neighbor was like no North Carolina does not

00:12:23.159 --> 00:12:26.529
request it You have to request it. And I was

00:12:26.529 --> 00:12:28.210
like, that's what I thought. She's like, girl,

00:12:28.250 --> 00:12:30.210
call those motherfuckers back. So I call them

00:12:30.210 --> 00:12:32.230
back through all this going on. I'm also like

00:12:32.230 --> 00:12:34.570
fielding calls between my mom and my dad because

00:12:34.570 --> 00:12:36.309
I was freaking out. Like, I don't know what I'm

00:12:36.309 --> 00:12:38.110
going to do. And then I finally call back. And

00:12:38.110 --> 00:12:39.970
the girl I got the second time I called back,

00:12:40.070 --> 00:12:41.830
I was like, here's the scenario. I talked to

00:12:41.830 --> 00:12:43.809
one of your colleagues. She told me this. I feel

00:12:43.809 --> 00:12:46.269
like that can't possibly be correct. She just

00:12:46.269 --> 00:12:49.570
goes, she must have been new girl on my email

00:12:49.570 --> 00:12:51.870
to you right now. And I was like, thank you so

00:12:51.870 --> 00:12:53.840
much. Because otherwise I was going to have to

00:12:53.840 --> 00:12:56.659
spend $200 to rent a fucking car to drive up

00:12:56.659 --> 00:12:58.039
there because it'd be cheaper for me to rent

00:12:58.039 --> 00:13:00.860
a car than it would to incur all the tickets

00:13:00.860 --> 00:13:03.100
that I would, knowing my luck, end up getting.

00:13:03.159 --> 00:13:06.460
So much to change over your car to a new state.

00:13:06.539 --> 00:13:08.820
It's like you got to do the license first and

00:13:08.820 --> 00:13:11.039
then on your way over to get the... And in North

00:13:11.039 --> 00:13:14.210
Carolina, it's not the DMV. There's the... license

00:13:14.210 --> 00:13:16.450
agency and then the license plate agency two

00:13:16.450 --> 00:13:18.250
different buildings in two different parts of

00:13:18.250 --> 00:13:20.350
town i have a quick what the fuck here it has

00:13:20.350 --> 00:13:23.429
to deal with colonoscopies which is sounds like

00:13:23.429 --> 00:13:26.169
a good time Yeah. I just scheduled mine today.

00:13:26.330 --> 00:13:29.470
I had my first and only colonoscopy in 2017.

00:13:29.909 --> 00:13:33.110
I was 51. So the VA was only a year late in getting

00:13:33.110 --> 00:13:35.210
it to me, but they had to outsource me to community

00:13:35.210 --> 00:13:37.009
care. And then afterwards they were like, Hey,

00:13:37.049 --> 00:13:38.549
we'll see you in 10 years. You're good to go.

00:13:38.629 --> 00:13:40.070
So lately I've been going through some issues

00:13:40.070 --> 00:13:41.809
with my hand with carpal tunnel. I deal with

00:13:41.809 --> 00:13:44.269
the VA on the telephone almost on a daily basis.

00:13:44.570 --> 00:13:47.389
So a couple of days ago I get a phone call and

00:13:47.389 --> 00:13:49.250
it's from scheduling and they're like, yeah,

00:13:49.330 --> 00:13:50.990
we need to schedule your colonoscopy. And I'm

00:13:50.990 --> 00:13:52.529
like, hang on a sec, let me do the math here.

00:13:53.439 --> 00:13:57.120
2017, this is 2025. That's eight years. Why are

00:13:57.120 --> 00:13:59.519
we doing a colonoscopy? Because the last I heard

00:13:59.519 --> 00:14:01.460
was, we'll see you in 10 years. So the lady on

00:14:01.460 --> 00:14:04.000
the phone goes, let's see, you have colon cancer,

00:14:04.039 --> 00:14:06.200
right? I'm like, no, the fuck I don't. No one

00:14:06.200 --> 00:14:08.740
told me if I do. And they're like, no. Bitch,

00:14:08.740 --> 00:14:11.740
get your notes together. So literally, the VA

00:14:11.740 --> 00:14:13.940
is so backed up, they're looking at the scheduling.

00:14:14.080 --> 00:14:17.200
If they don't get me in in May, I won't have

00:14:17.200 --> 00:14:20.039
another one at the VA within a 10 -year time

00:14:20.039 --> 00:14:22.059
frame. So that's why they were doing what they

00:14:22.059 --> 00:14:23.299
were doing. So it's either they get you in in

00:14:23.299 --> 00:14:26.740
May or they get you in in, what, 2030? I don't

00:14:26.740 --> 00:14:28.419
know, right? That's when we get flying cars.

00:14:28.659 --> 00:14:31.840
That's a wild range. Sounds like the VA, though,

00:14:31.960 --> 00:14:34.240
to be honest. Yeah. So I'm thinking, okay, go

00:14:34.240 --> 00:14:35.480
ahead and schedule it. They're like, it's going

00:14:35.480 --> 00:14:38.080
to be May 23rd, blah, blah, blah, 25th, whatever

00:14:38.080 --> 00:14:39.899
the fuck. I'm like, I don't care. Just schedule

00:14:39.899 --> 00:14:41.759
it. I'll be there, right? So I'm thinking to

00:14:41.759 --> 00:14:43.320
myself, okay, I don't have to think about that

00:14:43.320 --> 00:14:46.100
for the next two months, right? I'm good. I have

00:14:46.100 --> 00:14:48.019
other things I need to think about. The next

00:14:48.019 --> 00:14:50.559
day, I get a notification. on my phone. Your

00:14:50.559 --> 00:14:52.899
FedEx package should be here tomorrow. I'm like,

00:14:52.960 --> 00:14:54.820
who the fuck is sending me a FedEx package? I

00:14:54.820 --> 00:14:56.879
had no fucking clue. So the next day comes, I

00:14:56.879 --> 00:14:59.080
get it. It's the fucking colonoscopy prep. Jesus.

00:14:59.100 --> 00:15:01.419
It's the fucking jug with the fucking mix and

00:15:01.419 --> 00:15:02.940
the whole nine yards. I'm like, Jesus Christ.

00:15:03.100 --> 00:15:05.620
And then that same day, I got a letter in the

00:15:05.620 --> 00:15:07.799
mail from the VA. Hey, these are all the instructions

00:15:07.799 --> 00:15:10.080
for you. So they're like, pardon the pun, they're

00:15:10.080 --> 00:15:12.200
on this shit, right? Right. Wildly efficient

00:15:12.200 --> 00:15:14.919
for once. They're laser focused on my ass for

00:15:14.919 --> 00:15:17.039
some reason. I don't fucking know. Something

00:15:17.039 --> 00:15:19.299
wrong with your ass they haven't told you. What's

00:15:19.299 --> 00:15:21.600
wrong with your booty, son? So that was my what

00:15:21.600 --> 00:15:23.519
the fuck. Like, why is the VA interested in my

00:15:23.519 --> 00:15:25.379
ass? Don, do you have any insight on that? Have

00:15:25.379 --> 00:15:26.460
you seen your ass lately?