Just A Sweet Butt

WEBVTT

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I could have fixed that. I should have fixed

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it 15 years ago, motherfucker. Kind of sex, segways.

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It's sexways in there? It's sexways right in

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there. Sex waxes itself in there. Annabelle went

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missing. They took her out of the case and lost

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her. Oh, I'm fully aware. That's part of the

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fucking podcast that I'm going to talk about

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today. Now go away. I'm Jake Jacobs. This is

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Sammy. This is the Don. And you're listening

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to What the Fuck? Welcome to What the Fuck, the

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podcast where we say all the things you're thinking,

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but probably shouldn't. So this week while I

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was down here, it was apparently Black Biker

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Week, which... I didn't realize, but I knew it

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was a biker week, but I was like, I see no Caucasians

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on bikes anywhere. One of my friends, he's a

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biker and he was down here with a bunch of his

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buddies. He was like, hey, he's like, why don't

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you roll through, come over, hang out, whatever.

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So I get there and he's like, oh yeah, he's like,

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let me, let me introduce you to some of my brothers,

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whatever. And I'm like, okay. I literally called

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my best friend like later that night. I don't

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understand what I just experienced. Please help

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me understand this. And still to this day, I

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don't understand. So I met at least six different

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dudes. The friend that I hung out with, like,

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I'm a hugger. So, like, we hugged it out. I've

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met you once. Now we hug. Now we're good. Every

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other guy that he introduced me to went to go

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shake hands with them. And every single one of

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them did one of the, like, little dead fish hands.

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Like, meh. And I was like. Really? What am I

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experiencing? And I was like, the first time

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it happened, I was like, oh, maybe, whatever.

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No, every single dude that I met just gave me

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a meh. Yeah, that's not good. And I was like,

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why is everyone that I have met and shook hands

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with literally giving me. They give you the fish

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grip. They give me the fish grip. And I was like,

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and I'm talking to my best friend about it. And

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I'm like, bro, what? Why? He's like, he's like,

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man, he's like, you should slap it up. Dap it

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up. Maybe somebody out there in what the fuck

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land can tell us what that's all about. I don't

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know. I was like, are you scared you're going

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to hurt my hand? No, bitch, I'll grip it. Grip

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it and rip it, man. Grip it and rip it for real.

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And I was like, don't be afraid just because

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I'm a tiny little white girl. Grip my hand and

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shake it like a damn man. I don't know. I'm not

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fragile. That's weird. I mean, you would think

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a biker. Yeah, it's just weird that all of them.

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And I was like. I mean. Listen, unless you've

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got a fucking cast on your hand, I'm gripping

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it and ripping it. Shake it, bitch. Unless you've

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had your shit operated on like I do. Right. I

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mean, that's different, but none of them had.

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Yeah. No, we're not doing that. But it was just,

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it was a very odd situation to have been in.

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And I was like, the first time it happened, I

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was like, oh, okay, well, maybe he's just, whatever.

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But then they all did it. And I was like, why

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is this happening? Don't be afraid of me. Shake

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my fucking hand. I will say this. And it has,

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it is more towards the biker culture. I mean,

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unless their grip strength was just shit from

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riding all day. It kind of goes more to the biker

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culture. And it's very, the one thing that we

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hold on high as bikers is our old ladies, right?

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That's the one, we call them that. And that's

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one of the highest forms of endearment from a

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biker. The highest honor for anyone. It really

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kind of is. And so with somebody else's, with

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another female or someone else's old lady. Unless

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we are, unless we're in the same club, same,

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you know, which is family, then we hug it out.

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But a new, you know, someone, another, the men,

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we have a tendency. Now, I will grip it, you

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know, grab it and growl. But most guys, it's

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more of a biker culture. Just give you a nice

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little shake. We move along. And, hey, great

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to meet you. Boop. Do you, boo -boo. Move along.

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But who knows? Maybe those guys were just being

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gentlemen and they didn't want to. It was just

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a very jarring experience to have all of them.

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I was like, what? Listen, I'm taking care of

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my brother bikers, man. I think we talked about

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this last week. They were all very nice. Or maybe

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we didn't. Cool dudes. Behind that gruff exterior,

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there's a big heart inside that chest. Sammy,

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were you taken aback when Don said, you know,

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that we call them old ladies? No, I've heard

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that terminology before. Yeah. Do you know what

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the other term is? If you're not an old lady,

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if you're just a chick that hangs around the

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bikers, you know what we call them? I know I've

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heard it before, but I can't for the life of

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me remember right now. Sweet butt. Nice. If you're

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just a sweet butt, then that means you're fair

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game to anyone. But if you're an old lady, that's

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fucking hands off. Never touch a man's motorcycle

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or his old lady. Trust you with my wife, but

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not my motorcycle or my wife. Yeah. That's too

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funny. I left this motherfucking house yesterday.

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In the morning, I take my one blood pressure

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pill, I take my one diabetes pill, and I take

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my one stimulant, my one crazy pill, my Adderall.

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I love Adderall, by the way. We love Adderall.

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And now I love it more and more because I used

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to be. For those of you out there who know me,

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I am fucking anti -pharmaceutical because I don't

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like the system. I think they're in bed with

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each other with the doctors and the insurance

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companies and all this shit and they're fucking

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Robin is blind. And they don't want to cure.

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They want patience. And so they band -aid this

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shit and feed us pills. However. Done. Stop fucking

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sugarcoating it. Tell us how you really feel.

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Jake, hear me out on this. However, folks, if

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you've ever felt that overwhelmingness where

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your heart just grabs you and you get pissed

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off the world, you want to punch a hole in some

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drywall, you want to kick a puppy, any of that

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type of shit, I don't kick puppies. But there

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are some out there who do. I literally, so I

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forgot to take my fucking Adderall yesterday.

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And I was about halfway to Daytona. And I text

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Melissa. I said, hey. I forgot to take all my

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pills. I fucking left everything. I just woke.

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I didn't sleep while I woke up. She said, you

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want me to bring your meds out to you? I was

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like, fuck it. It's a short day today. We close

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at 4, and I'm out the door. As long as I'm busy,

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not thinking about that shit, everything's cool.

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I had this customer that came in. We're rocking

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and rolling. He's buying a motorcycle. Happy

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time for me. Get him the bike he wants. Go through

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some things. The standard procedure, I'm pretty

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quick at getting these things closed up. Get

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him in the F &I in the box. He's a little upside

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down on a trade. Got to have a little money down.

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Got to talk to the wife. I understand that. It

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wasn't a huge amount of money, but to him, maybe

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it was pretty significant. The deal fell through.

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Not that it won't happen. next week or week after

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next. But right now, it fell through. And luckily,

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that was about 3 o 'clock. We closed at 4. From

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that point on, I just started getting more and

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more and more pissed off that that deal fell

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through. And that's part of sales, right? That

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just is what it is. It had nothing to do with

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him. It had nothing to do with nothing except

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what was going on inside my ADHD mind. Almost

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uncontrollable. As hard as I try. I know that,

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you know, I take four seconds. You hyperfixate.

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Yeah, hyperfixate on this stuff. And it just

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got more and more aggravating. And by the time

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I left there, it was pretty clear that I was

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not happy with life. And I left. I left the shop.

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Went home. Walked in the house. Pissed fucking

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off. I walked right in the door. I didn't say

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shit to Melissa. I didn't say shit to them fucking

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dogs. Nothing. Right to the back. Took my meds.

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I guess I came upstairs just so I wasn't around

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anybody. And it literally, fucking 10 minutes.

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Dude, I was like, I'm still dying again. Everything's

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good. 10 fucking minutes. I was going to ask,

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are those meds, when you have a situation like

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that, are they fast acting? Yes. 10 fucking minutes.

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And I remember this, Sam. I remember the day

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I got home after the doc, after I went and picked

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it up, I got it prescribed, went and picked it

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up. And I was worried that I was going to go

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the rest of my fucking life as just a raging

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nutbag, an idiot, right? Uncontrollable anger,

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shit like that. And listen, folks, I didn't walk

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around pissed off all the time. I was not that

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guy. But when it happened, I was just a wackadoodle,

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man. And everything. And it didn't matter how

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it started. None of that mattered. And I remember

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getting home from Walgreens. I got this bottle

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of these fucking green pills. And I took that

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little green pill. And five or ten minutes later,

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I was like, huh, look at this. This is what life

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looks like. So I, as an anti -pharmaceutical

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person, except for, I like Adderall. Take your

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pills, folks. Don't forget them, like me. But

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yeah, man, that was a wild kind of a scientific

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project yesterday. Adderall's great. And listen,

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nothing came of it, okay? But it was very clear

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that I was not my regular self. Yeah. Or not

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the person that I want to be. Ten minutes later,

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I'm downstairs making fucking keto pancakes,

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baby. Woo -hoo! I'm the only one of the three

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that is not ADHD. However, I don't want anyone

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to feel left out, including myself. If you were

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to see the process that I go through to edit

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audio, you would say that I am OCD. And I probably

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am. Now, I don't edit out every single breath,

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every single, in Samantha's case, she says the

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word like, like a lot. I don't edit out every

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single one of those because if I did, it would

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sound robotic. I don't edit out every time Don

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bumps his boom arm, which he does a lot. Just

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did a moment ago. Yeah. So, but. Beating that

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shit up. That's right, baby. I'm an audio guy.

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I'm going to geek out a little bit here. All

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right. When we're recording this, we're using

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a service called Riverside. Riverside is great.

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The audio quality, the video, everything about

00:10:00.970 --> 00:10:03.820
this Riverside is great. Yes, Riverside, shameless

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plug. If you're listening, you can sponsor us

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or whatever. Huckleberry Studios, Riverside.

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So the way this works is a lot of people might

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think that when I edit the audio, that I have

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one audio file that has all three of us talking

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on it. No, that's not the case. I have three

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separate audio files. So when I'm talking and

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Don and Samantha are not, other things are happening

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in the background. If Don sneezes, if... Somebody

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walks in the room with Sammy. Which inevitably

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always happens. If it starts raining outside

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in one of the microphones that isn't talking

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right now, those are all noises that are happening

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in the background. Now, me as an audio engineer,

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it's my instinct to go to those audio files,

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and when they're not talking, there's just dead

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silence. There's no need to hear Don sneezing

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or Samantha's coughing. Yeah, one of them. So

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I edit that shit out. Now, I've heard some podcasts

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where they don't do that, and it irritates the

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fuck out of me because I'm like, okay, unless

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you don't have three separate audio files like

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I do, who wants to hear that noise in the background?

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That's my OCD. Now, I pride myself in the way

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our podcasts sound. I think they sound very professional.

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They're clean. The first time I sent the very

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first episode to my son, Alex, who doesn't listen

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to podcasts, but he's listened to a few. The

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reason why he doesn't listen to them, very much

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is because he's heard enough of them that sound

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like garbage noise -wise. He's an audio geek

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like me. But he listened to our first episode,

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Sam, and he came back and he said, Dad, I got

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to tell you, the first thing I noticed was clean

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audio. Absolutely. And it's amazing how much

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cleaner it's gotten since Sammy put her mic the

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right fucking direction. Well, you know, there's

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that. There's that. Where I was going with that

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is I don't take medication for that because if

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I did, then, you know, maybe the quality of our

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podcast might go down because I wouldn't give

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a fuck. But if I have any little quirks, that's

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mine. It's that he cares too much, folks. He

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cares too much. That's his flaw. Well, here's

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the thing. There's several podcasts that we listen

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to, right? And, you know, I'm a big fan of Theo

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Vaughn, the Joe Rogan experience, Dirty John.

00:12:09.059 --> 00:12:11.259
You know, there's some other ones out there that

00:12:11.259 --> 00:12:15.429
have live studio. Right? Everybody's in the same

00:12:15.429 --> 00:12:18.250
room. And you can do that. Now, these are high

00:12:18.250 --> 00:12:21.269
-dollar folks, man. We, Jake's got this really

00:12:21.269 --> 00:12:23.269
good stuff. We all have good equipment. But at

00:12:23.269 --> 00:12:26.269
the end of the day, I'm sitting in Florida. Sammy's

00:12:26.269 --> 00:12:27.909
sitting in North Carolina. Jake is sitting in

00:12:27.909 --> 00:12:29.769
Tennessee. You know, we're looking at each other.

00:12:29.830 --> 00:12:32.000
You've seen some of the videos. You know, Jake's

00:12:32.000 --> 00:12:33.700
recording himself on an iPhone, which, by the

00:12:33.700 --> 00:12:37.659
way, looks crisp as fuck. You know, Sammy, you

00:12:37.659 --> 00:12:39.559
know, on her computer and I'm on my computer.

00:12:39.879 --> 00:12:42.100
So it's challenging. And I remember the first

00:12:42.100 --> 00:12:44.759
time Jake and I, not my first experiences in

00:12:44.759 --> 00:12:47.659
the studio as a musician, but my first experience

00:12:47.659 --> 00:12:50.820
behind the board with Jake. I don't know shit

00:12:50.820 --> 00:12:54.100
about fuck to this day. Except Jake says, hit

00:12:54.100 --> 00:12:56.519
that button right there. That turns on and off

00:12:56.519 --> 00:13:00.759
audio into the box. That's all I know. the rest

00:13:00.759 --> 00:13:02.940
of them fucking buttons the blues and the reds

00:13:02.940 --> 00:13:05.419
and the greens these this goddamn i don't even

00:13:05.419 --> 00:13:07.080
know what the fuck this box is called it's got

00:13:07.080 --> 00:13:09.340
fucking wires like red yellow blue green wires

00:13:09.340 --> 00:13:12.620
hanging out of it that jake crosses over to here

00:13:12.620 --> 00:13:14.799
and this and that the other and it looks like

00:13:14.799 --> 00:13:17.919
fucking a bad spaghetti just bad i don't have

00:13:17.919 --> 00:13:20.820
a clue like the old timey switchboard operators

00:13:21.659 --> 00:13:23.679
Yeah, I think I bought Jake a shirt one time.

00:13:23.720 --> 00:13:26.000
It says, yes, I do know what all these buttons

00:13:26.000 --> 00:13:31.379
do. But anyway, it's pretty magical to watch

00:13:31.379 --> 00:13:33.620
a good quality sound engineer, which Jake, you

00:13:33.620 --> 00:13:36.139
certainly are, and you have been for years. Well,

00:13:36.220 --> 00:13:38.259
thank you. You know, even fresh out of school.

00:13:38.559 --> 00:13:40.620
You know a thing or two. We are celebrating Memorial

00:13:40.620 --> 00:13:44.000
Day today. You know, Memorial Day is one of those,

00:13:44.100 --> 00:13:46.980
the weekend is one of those for us combat veterans

00:13:46.980 --> 00:13:49.379
that can be very challenging. I was happy to

00:13:49.379 --> 00:13:51.500
know those ladies and gentlemen who came before

00:13:51.500 --> 00:13:54.399
me without whom we would not have the freedoms

00:13:54.399 --> 00:13:56.759
we enjoy. And so let's just keep that in mind.

00:13:56.840 --> 00:13:58.580
And for those of you out there still doing the

00:13:58.580 --> 00:14:00.480
job, appreciate the fuck out of you guys and

00:14:00.480 --> 00:14:02.940
gals. Yeah. One of the most prolifically read

00:14:02.940 --> 00:14:06.960
poems on Memorial Day over the years is called

00:14:06.960 --> 00:14:10.320
In Flanders Fields by John McRae. We'd love to

00:14:10.320 --> 00:14:12.759
read this and please take a moment of silence

00:14:12.759 --> 00:14:16.720
afterwards. And then we will see you guys next

00:14:16.720 --> 00:14:20.580
week. In Flanders fields the poppies blow, between

00:14:20.580 --> 00:14:24.279
the crosses, row on row, that mark our place,

00:14:24.440 --> 00:14:27.500
and in the sky the larks, still bravely singing,

00:14:27.720 --> 00:14:31.480
fly, scarce heard, amid the guns below. We are

00:14:31.480 --> 00:14:34.679
the dead, short days ago, we lived, felt dawn,

00:14:34.840 --> 00:14:38.500
saw sunset glow, loved and were loved, and now

00:14:38.500 --> 00:14:41.879
we lie in Flanders fields. Take up our quarrel

00:14:41.879 --> 00:14:44.879
with the foe, to you from falling hands we throw

00:14:44.879 --> 00:14:49.090
the torch. be yours to hold it high if ye break

00:14:49.090 --> 00:14:53.049
faith with us who die we shall not sleep though

00:14:53.049 --> 00:14:56.730
poppies grow in flanders fields john mccrea