Dec. 28, 2024
I Don't Know S*** About F***
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My longtime friend and fellow Navy vet Don joins the show for a few moments. Hilarity ensues, and pretty soon we're talking about a lot of stuff that had to be edited out...
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Morning brother. Morning brother. How you doing? I like that Harley-Davidson mug. You like that?
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Man, this thing will hurt somebody if you chuck it at him. Of course, it costs $25 fucking dollars
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I would hope it would hurt somebody. Well, it's got Harley-Davidson written on the side of it. You know what HD stands for? $100
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I'm Jake Jacobs, and you're listening to What the F-
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Jake Jacobs
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Well, how the fuck is Jake? How you been doing, man?
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I'm good. I don't know what happened. Early December, I just got on this creative streak, for lack of a better word, and I'm like, I need to fucking do something.
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That kept churning in my mind, and finally I was like, you know what? I could start a podcast. You know, you have to be really niche-y about that stuff.
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And some podcasts are so niche-y that they have a certain audience.
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What if I would do something like a What the Fuck kind of thing, where you basically talk about whatever the hell is on your mind, that would cause you to say, What the fuck?
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It could be personal, it could be something you see in the news.
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Trying to stay away from the politics because everyone's fucking doing that.
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Right. That's dumb.
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I don't want to get pigeonholed into, oh you like a certain part, I don't want any part of that.
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So I did a test run with Samantha, she's one of my coworkers.
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Yeah, yeah.
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And it was just a simple banter of her and I back and forth, just having a conversation about shit that makes us say or think, What the fuck?
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So we did another one, and I'm like, you know what? This feels good. This is working.
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So the whole creative juice is flowing. I don't know where it's coming from, but I'm rolling with it.
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And then last night, I was like, I could do another one, but make it really niche-y to sailors, specifically sailors.
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And a lot of people would probably listen to that that aren't sailors, just to hear fucking sea stories.
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Yeah, hear what kind of dumb shit we used to do.
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Yeah, talking about boot camp stories and sea stories, port visits, shit like that.
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People would actually listen to that, especially if they knew it was coming from real sailors.
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Yeah.
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And of course, we may embellish some of those stories, which is totally expected, but you know, it is what it is.
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Why not?
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I'm doing good. I'm in a good headspace. I'm good.
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Well, you sound good. And if you don't care, I'm going to brag on you a little bit, kind of for the audience.
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But Jake and I met in the music business in Nashville. Fucking, I don't remember, it was in 2010 maybe.
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We had these big ideas. And this guy at 40-some-odd years old was going to school, going to college.
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Sound engineer college. And putting a lot of hard work in.
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And man, I remember we used to go to the studios with some of these bands.
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We got some close friends that we used to record a lot with right there out of Nashville.
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And spent 18-hour sessions in there, writing songs and recording and having a fucking blast.
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Probably drank more Jack Daniels than we needed to.
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Five o'clock in the morning. Let's do a Tammy Winnett cover.
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That's right. Oh yeah. Yes, I do recall that. That is all.
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I don't know which one of us is the host, you or me.
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Doesn't matter at this point.
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Well, so you know the spousal unit decided when we left Tennessee and came to Florida
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that she wanted to ride her own motorcycle. Right?
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Right, but it started off as a fucking moped.
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Just, I just want to put on a little sundress and cruise down to the beach.
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And put my toes in the sand and all that girl shit.
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So we went and bought her one of these fucking mopeds.
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Well, being the smart chick she is, she says, you know this thing only does 35 miles an hour.
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I'm thinking, well, that sounds like a fucking dude line to me.
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And I said, don't worry about it. We'll just get you something with a bigger engine.
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And it'll go faster. She says, okay, well, you better check the laws.
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So in the state of Florida, anything over 49 cc's is a motorcycle.
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So you have to have a license for it.
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So she said, fucking, I don't want that. Long story longer, she went down to Harley.
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I bought her a class.
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She's three years into this thing and I think five motorcycles.
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So she rides a full bag of road glide special at this point with fat tire kit on it.
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And with all the Mac daddy setup.
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So we know a little something about $25 fucking mugs.
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Yeah. She went from, oh man, I'm not so sure about this to fucking all in.
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Yeah, she went all in. Well, she bought, she's bought two this year.
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She bought a street glide special, had it for 4,000 miles.
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I went and took it in for the first all change. She was like, yeah, I don't like that one.
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I'm like, what the fuck? I mean, you talking about a what the fuck moment?
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That was a clear one. Yeah. Yeah. But she didn't ask her much.
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So whatever she wants, she gets.
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I noticed a couple months back, I was following your journey that you did solo.
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Yeah. Let's talk about that.
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Yeah, man. I got into a headspace that was not good.
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You know, I've got a real supportive wife and I got this Harley out there.
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I said, you know, I think I'm going to Sturgis.
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Well, it was, you know, I don't like going to Sturgis when all the people are there
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because I don't like to do, you know, I don't get real people-y.
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But yeah, I just packed my shit one day, man, and said, fuck it, I'm out of here.
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Went up to North Carolina, rode the Blue Ridge Parkway, man.
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Went up through Kansas and Wyoming, the brass, or not Wyoming. That came later.
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I stayed in Deadwood. I stayed at a fucking casino.
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There were sheep on the side of the road.
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I'm talking about mountain goats, whatever they are.
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There's fucking elk, this giant elk. I was thinking, man, that guy looks tasty.
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There was a big fucking mudslide one night.
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It came down the side of the hotel. It's just thrilling. It's such a great place.
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Wow.
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And I got to see all the cool shit you read about in books, you know, Mount Rushmore
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and that fucking Indian with his hand up, they're never going to finish.
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Yeah.
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I went to Wyoming to Devil's Tower. That's a big giant tree stump.
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You've never seen it. Trust me on this. It's a fucking giant tree stump. It's beautiful.
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But yeah, man, that was a trip and came home through Colorado and, oh, which by the way,
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not motorcycle friendly roads. If you ride an E470, it's a shit show until you get into Kansas.
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So I wrote a letter to the governor of Colorado.
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Said you should be fucking ashamed. You're ashamed for roads because the minute I went into Kansas,
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they were absolutely fabulous.
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So anyway, we met in Greenville, North Carolina. Melissa rode up from St. Augustine
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and we spent a week riding the Blue Ridge Parkway and hanging out in Maggie Valley
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and doing all that shit right before that fucking thing got washed away by the hurricane.
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Yeah.
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Timing's everything, man.
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Yeah. How many miles total did you run the bike?
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Put about 5,500 on that trip. I went to 21 Harley Davidson dealerships, which was really neat.
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Any issues at all with the bike?
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Fuck no. Nothing but good. And I put a lot of my, listen, I bought this thing in, knee jerk, by the way.
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I know you're surprised about that, Jake. I bought this fucking thing knee jerk.
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I was already riding a motorcycle less than two years old, an Indian.
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I remember the Indian and then all of a sudden you went Harley. I'm like, what the fuck?
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Yeah. Well, you remember I was Harley first when I was in Nashville.
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I had the Harley. I bought it there from Ring of Fire. I never did like that bike.
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I don't know why. It was a cool looking bike, but it just didn't fit me.
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In any case, I'm riding this Indian Chief and we go to this rally and I walk in this fucking Harley dealership
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and they get this bike there that just stuck out to me. I was like, oh, I want that.
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And the guy was like, it's $60,000. I was like, I don't want that.
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But then he rolled out this road because it was ugly. Come on, man. It was yellow, black, it was fucking ugly.
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But it looked like a bumblebee and he rolled this fucking road glide out and he was like,
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give it away because nobody's even looked at it. So I bought it. That was May, maybe.
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So by the time August got around, I had like 15,000 miles on it.
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Shit. Yeah, I do. I ride. Yeah, I ride, man. I love that thing.
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But it got me back into a really good head space. You know, at the end of the day, guys like us,
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we're just regular and everybody's got a thing.
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Well, you know, Neil Pert rode like across the fucking country.
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Was it something about after his wife died or his wife and daughter died or something,
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he kind of left Russia for a little bit, hopped on a fucking motorcycle and traveled all over the United States just by himself.
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You know, you figure out real fast that no matter how badass you are, who your name is or anything else,
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the world just looks better from the seat of a motorcycle. Yeah.
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So I had carpal tunnel surgery. Yeah. How was that? Well, funny story, actually.
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A couple of years ago, I think it was right around when COVID was getting ready to explode and the world fucking shut down.
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Right. Yeah. 2020. Right. Yeah. I did something. I don't know what the hell I was doing.
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I don't know if I was taken out to trash or something, but I felt my rotator cuff.
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It was like, this really fucking hurts. So the VA was already saying, unless you're dying, don't even bother coming to the ER.
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Unless you have a sucking chest wound or you're bleeding out of your ass or something. Right.
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So I called and they did a video appointment and he had me do a couple of things with my shoulder.
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And he's like, well, it's kind of hard to tell over the phone, but you might have a torn rotator cuff,
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but there's really nothing we can fucking do about it now unless you're fucking dying.
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I'm like, well, you know, it is my dominant arm. So basically I just pained through that shit.
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I was just popping fucking ibuprofen or Tylenol or whatever. Yeah. So a couple of years passed.
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Well, more than a couple of years. Late September, I was taking the fucking trash out.
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Literally, that's all I was doing was taking the trash out.
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I went to the trash can, threw the bag in the can and I felt something pop.
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And it kind of felt like an electrical jolt. But then within about 30 seconds to 45 seconds, I was pain free.
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I was like, fuck, it feels better now. So what happened is whatever that injury was,
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it partially tore the long head tendon holding up the bicep. Right.
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When I took the trash out, that fucking tendon snapped completely ruptured.
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So now I have this thing that's called a pop eye deformity. That's what they fucking call it.
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Yeah. They couldn't think of anything more scientific than that. But you know, I'm a sailor. So it kind of fits. Right.
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I'm a sailor. Yeah. So I go to the VA and they're like, we're pretty sure it's a complete rupture,
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but we're going to do an MRI just to be sure.
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So they did the MRI. Takes about two weeks to do that and for the MRI to come back.
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And they finally get me in for the console for that. And he's like, well, yes, you have a complete rupture,
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but we typically don't do surgery for that because it's more or less just cosmetic. Which he's absolutely right.
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I mean, there's really only so much they can do. They could, if I had gone right away when it happened,
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they could have gone in and pulled that tendon up, drilled like a little hole into the bone there and stuck it in there.
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And it would have been... That sounds delightful. Yeah. Yeah.
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But really, he said, there's another tendon that holds your bicep up and that's right there at the crease of your elbow.
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He said, now, if that one would have torn, we'd be doing surgery right now. He said, if that one goes, then you're basically, you're fucked.
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But while he was examining me and that same visit, he started pushing on my hand and my wrist and everything.
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And then he took my hand and pushed forward. When he did that, I about went through the fucking roof. Yeah. Yeah.
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And he goes, do you know you also have carpal tunnel? He said, I don't know if it's because of what happened to your arm and your bicep,
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but now you have carpal tunnel. So let's do surgery on that. Let's fix that. And then we'll work backward from there.
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So two weeks later, I had surgery on my hand. So I never even had any indication of carpal tunnel. None.
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I don't know shit about fuck when it comes to that. Here's what I do know. If I can avoid...
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I like doctors less than I like my drug dealers, which is what I call my doctors, because that's kind of all they do these days is they just pump you full of shit.
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Pretty much. Move along. And I'm okay with that.
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The surgery for this was basically outpatient. They didn't put me to sleep. They don't even recommend that. They just kind of gave me a local.
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Did you watch?
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I didn't watch. They asked me if I wanted to, but I'm like, no, I'm good. I'm good.
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I don't know what they gave me. I was awake and they gave me a local. And by the way, that local was like getting a shot of Novacate into your gums.
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Like imagine getting a needle into the palm of your fucking hand. That was special.
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But whatever they gave me in the sedative in the IV, dude, that was some good shit because all I know was I was in the OR telling jokes and thinking I was charming as fuck in the OR.
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And 20 minutes later, they're like, you're done. I'm like, I didn't even know you started.
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But I wasn't really loopy. I mean, I was lucid. I was talking, but I didn't feel shit.
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And you didn't get a fucking name for this shit? Nothing?
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No.
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Really?
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No.
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All right. Well, do better.
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I don't know if you knew this, but I was almost a DAPA counselor in the Navy. My first go around at shore duty, my detailer knew that I was from Pennsylvania.
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So he was trying to get me in Philly somehow.
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Yeah.
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He's like, well, I can get you in Philly, he said, but it's going to be as a DAPA counselor. He's like, do you know what that is? I'm like, joke and alcohol. He's like, yeah.
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He's like, well, there's a two week sifting process, like you're going to be evaluated to see if you would be a good counselor. So we have to do that first.
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So they sent me through this two week thing in Norfolk at the base. And part of it involved going to AA meetings and stuff like that.
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And then at the end of the two weeks, they evaluate you and you're either going to be a DAPA counselor or you're not. Well, I was not.
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Because at the end of the two weeks, they were like, we think that you're just doing this just to get to Pennsylvania because that's where you're from.
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And we don't think you're an alcoholic. And most of our counselors have an issue.
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I have a problem with alcohol. So we feel that they make the best counselors. I wasn't drunk enough to be a fucking DAPA counselor.
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That's awesome. That is the Navy's logic for you folks.
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How logical or illogical was that?
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I guess I kind of get their point.
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And at the time I was only drinking beer because for the longest time I never drank liquor. I was just beer only.
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And when they were asking me like, how much do you drink on a daily basis? I wasn't lying to them. I mean, I would tell them, you know, I come home, I probably have a beer or two every day.
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But I guess because I wasn't getting shit blind fucking drunk every day that I wasn't going to make a good counselor.
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That's a shame, Jake, that you weren't doing that.
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Well, I remember waking up on a on a cold October morning in Great Lakes the day after we had our haircut, waking up the next morning.
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And I would typically when I would wake up, I would run my fingers through my hair. And when I went to do that, there was none there.
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And my first thought was, what the fuck did I do?
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That is a big what the fuck moment, brother. Yes. Yes. That is a giant one. Yeah. And then from there it's just history.
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Fair enough. What the fuck?
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Morning brother. Morning brother. How you doing? I like that Harley-Davidson mug. You like that?
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Man, this thing will hurt somebody if you chuck it at him. Of course, it costs $25 fucking dollars
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I would hope it would hurt somebody. Well, it's got Harley-Davidson written on the side of it. You know what HD stands for? $100
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I'm Jake Jacobs, and you're listening to What the F-
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Jake Jacobs
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Well, how the fuck is Jake? How you been doing, man?
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I'm good. I don't know what happened. Early December, I just got on this creative streak, for lack of a better word, and I'm like, I need to fucking do something.
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That kept churning in my mind, and finally I was like, you know what? I could start a podcast. You know, you have to be really niche-y about that stuff.
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And some podcasts are so niche-y that they have a certain audience.
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What if I would do something like a What the Fuck kind of thing, where you basically talk about whatever the hell is on your mind, that would cause you to say, What the fuck?
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It could be personal, it could be something you see in the news.
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Trying to stay away from the politics because everyone's fucking doing that.
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Right. That's dumb.
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I don't want to get pigeonholed into, oh you like a certain part, I don't want any part of that.
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So I did a test run with Samantha, she's one of my coworkers.
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Yeah, yeah.
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And it was just a simple banter of her and I back and forth, just having a conversation about shit that makes us say or think, What the fuck?
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So we did another one, and I'm like, you know what? This feels good. This is working.
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So the whole creative juice is flowing. I don't know where it's coming from, but I'm rolling with it.
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And then last night, I was like, I could do another one, but make it really niche-y to sailors, specifically sailors.
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And a lot of people would probably listen to that that aren't sailors, just to hear fucking sea stories.
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Yeah, hear what kind of dumb shit we used to do.
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Yeah, talking about boot camp stories and sea stories, port visits, shit like that.
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People would actually listen to that, especially if they knew it was coming from real sailors.
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Yeah.
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And of course, we may embellish some of those stories, which is totally expected, but you know, it is what it is.
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Why not?
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I'm doing good. I'm in a good headspace. I'm good.
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Well, you sound good. And if you don't care, I'm going to brag on you a little bit, kind of for the audience.
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But Jake and I met in the music business in Nashville. Fucking, I don't remember, it was in 2010 maybe.
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We had these big ideas. And this guy at 40-some-odd years old was going to school, going to college.
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Sound engineer college. And putting a lot of hard work in.
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And man, I remember we used to go to the studios with some of these bands.
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We got some close friends that we used to record a lot with right there out of Nashville.
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And spent 18-hour sessions in there, writing songs and recording and having a fucking blast.
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Probably drank more Jack Daniels than we needed to.
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Five o'clock in the morning. Let's do a Tammy Winnett cover.
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That's right. Oh yeah. Yes, I do recall that. That is all.
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I don't know which one of us is the host, you or me.
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Doesn't matter at this point.
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Well, so you know the spousal unit decided when we left Tennessee and came to Florida
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that she wanted to ride her own motorcycle. Right?
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Right, but it started off as a fucking moped.
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Just, I just want to put on a little sundress and cruise down to the beach.
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And put my toes in the sand and all that girl shit.
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So we went and bought her one of these fucking mopeds.
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Well, being the smart chick she is, she says, you know this thing only does 35 miles an hour.
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I'm thinking, well, that sounds like a fucking dude line to me.
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And I said, don't worry about it. We'll just get you something with a bigger engine.
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And it'll go faster. She says, okay, well, you better check the laws.
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So in the state of Florida, anything over 49 cc's is a motorcycle.
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So you have to have a license for it.
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So she said, fucking, I don't want that. Long story longer, she went down to Harley.
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I bought her a class.
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She's three years into this thing and I think five motorcycles.
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So she rides a full bag of road glide special at this point with fat tire kit on it.
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And with all the Mac daddy setup.
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So we know a little something about $25 fucking mugs.
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Yeah. She went from, oh man, I'm not so sure about this to fucking all in.
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Yeah, she went all in. Well, she bought, she's bought two this year.
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She bought a street glide special, had it for 4,000 miles.
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I went and took it in for the first all change. She was like, yeah, I don't like that one.
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I'm like, what the fuck? I mean, you talking about a what the fuck moment?
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That was a clear one. Yeah. Yeah. But she didn't ask her much.
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So whatever she wants, she gets.
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I noticed a couple months back, I was following your journey that you did solo.
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Yeah. Let's talk about that.
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Yeah, man. I got into a headspace that was not good.
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You know, I've got a real supportive wife and I got this Harley out there.
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I said, you know, I think I'm going to Sturgis.
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Well, it was, you know, I don't like going to Sturgis when all the people are there
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because I don't like to do, you know, I don't get real people-y.
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But yeah, I just packed my shit one day, man, and said, fuck it, I'm out of here.
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Went up to North Carolina, rode the Blue Ridge Parkway, man.
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Went up through Kansas and Wyoming, the brass, or not Wyoming. That came later.
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I stayed in Deadwood. I stayed at a fucking casino.
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There were sheep on the side of the road.
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I'm talking about mountain goats, whatever they are.
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There's fucking elk, this giant elk. I was thinking, man, that guy looks tasty.
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There was a big fucking mudslide one night.
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It came down the side of the hotel. It's just thrilling. It's such a great place.
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Wow.
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And I got to see all the cool shit you read about in books, you know, Mount Rushmore
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and that fucking Indian with his hand up, they're never going to finish.
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Yeah.
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I went to Wyoming to Devil's Tower. That's a big giant tree stump.
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You've never seen it. Trust me on this. It's a fucking giant tree stump. It's beautiful.
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But yeah, man, that was a trip and came home through Colorado and, oh, which by the way,
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not motorcycle friendly roads. If you ride an E470, it's a shit show until you get into Kansas.
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So I wrote a letter to the governor of Colorado.
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Said you should be fucking ashamed. You're ashamed for roads because the minute I went into Kansas,
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they were absolutely fabulous.
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So anyway, we met in Greenville, North Carolina. Melissa rode up from St. Augustine
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and we spent a week riding the Blue Ridge Parkway and hanging out in Maggie Valley
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and doing all that shit right before that fucking thing got washed away by the hurricane.
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Yeah.
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Timing's everything, man.
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Yeah. How many miles total did you run the bike?
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Put about 5,500 on that trip. I went to 21 Harley Davidson dealerships, which was really neat.
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Any issues at all with the bike?
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Fuck no. Nothing but good. And I put a lot of my, listen, I bought this thing in, knee jerk, by the way.
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I know you're surprised about that, Jake. I bought this fucking thing knee jerk.
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I was already riding a motorcycle less than two years old, an Indian.
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I remember the Indian and then all of a sudden you went Harley. I'm like, what the fuck?
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Yeah. Well, you remember I was Harley first when I was in Nashville.
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I had the Harley. I bought it there from Ring of Fire. I never did like that bike.
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I don't know why. It was a cool looking bike, but it just didn't fit me.
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In any case, I'm riding this Indian Chief and we go to this rally and I walk in this fucking Harley dealership
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and they get this bike there that just stuck out to me. I was like, oh, I want that.
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And the guy was like, it's $60,000. I was like, I don't want that.
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But then he rolled out this road because it was ugly. Come on, man. It was yellow, black, it was fucking ugly.
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But it looked like a bumblebee and he rolled this fucking road glide out and he was like,
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give it away because nobody's even looked at it. So I bought it. That was May, maybe.
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So by the time August got around, I had like 15,000 miles on it.
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Shit. Yeah, I do. I ride. Yeah, I ride, man. I love that thing.
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But it got me back into a really good head space. You know, at the end of the day, guys like us,
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we're just regular and everybody's got a thing.
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Well, you know, Neil Pert rode like across the fucking country.
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Was it something about after his wife died or his wife and daughter died or something,
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he kind of left Russia for a little bit, hopped on a fucking motorcycle and traveled all over the United States just by himself.
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You know, you figure out real fast that no matter how badass you are, who your name is or anything else,
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the world just looks better from the seat of a motorcycle. Yeah.
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So I had carpal tunnel surgery. Yeah. How was that? Well, funny story, actually.
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A couple of years ago, I think it was right around when COVID was getting ready to explode and the world fucking shut down.
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Right. Yeah. 2020. Right. Yeah. I did something. I don't know what the hell I was doing.
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I don't know if I was taken out to trash or something, but I felt my rotator cuff.
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It was like, this really fucking hurts. So the VA was already saying, unless you're dying, don't even bother coming to the ER.
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Unless you have a sucking chest wound or you're bleeding out of your ass or something. Right.
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So I called and they did a video appointment and he had me do a couple of things with my shoulder.
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And he's like, well, it's kind of hard to tell over the phone, but you might have a torn rotator cuff,
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but there's really nothing we can fucking do about it now unless you're fucking dying.
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I'm like, well, you know, it is my dominant arm. So basically I just pained through that shit.
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I was just popping fucking ibuprofen or Tylenol or whatever. Yeah. So a couple of years passed.
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Well, more than a couple of years. Late September, I was taking the fucking trash out.
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Literally, that's all I was doing was taking the trash out.
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I went to the trash can, threw the bag in the can and I felt something pop.
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And it kind of felt like an electrical jolt. But then within about 30 seconds to 45 seconds, I was pain free.
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I was like, fuck, it feels better now. So what happened is whatever that injury was,
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it partially tore the long head tendon holding up the bicep. Right.
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When I took the trash out, that fucking tendon snapped completely ruptured.
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So now I have this thing that's called a pop eye deformity. That's what they fucking call it.
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Yeah. They couldn't think of anything more scientific than that. But you know, I'm a sailor. So it kind of fits. Right.
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I'm a sailor. Yeah. So I go to the VA and they're like, we're pretty sure it's a complete rupture,
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but we're going to do an MRI just to be sure.
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So they did the MRI. Takes about two weeks to do that and for the MRI to come back.
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And they finally get me in for the console for that. And he's like, well, yes, you have a complete rupture,
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but we typically don't do surgery for that because it's more or less just cosmetic. Which he's absolutely right.
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I mean, there's really only so much they can do. They could, if I had gone right away when it happened,
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they could have gone in and pulled that tendon up, drilled like a little hole into the bone there and stuck it in there.
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And it would have been... That sounds delightful. Yeah. Yeah.
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But really, he said, there's another tendon that holds your bicep up and that's right there at the crease of your elbow.
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He said, now, if that one would have torn, we'd be doing surgery right now. He said, if that one goes, then you're basically, you're fucked.
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But while he was examining me and that same visit, he started pushing on my hand and my wrist and everything.
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And then he took my hand and pushed forward. When he did that, I about went through the fucking roof. Yeah. Yeah.
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And he goes, do you know you also have carpal tunnel? He said, I don't know if it's because of what happened to your arm and your bicep,
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but now you have carpal tunnel. So let's do surgery on that. Let's fix that. And then we'll work backward from there.
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So two weeks later, I had surgery on my hand. So I never even had any indication of carpal tunnel. None.
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I don't know shit about fuck when it comes to that. Here's what I do know. If I can avoid...
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I like doctors less than I like my drug dealers, which is what I call my doctors, because that's kind of all they do these days is they just pump you full of shit.
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Pretty much. Move along. And I'm okay with that.
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The surgery for this was basically outpatient. They didn't put me to sleep. They don't even recommend that. They just kind of gave me a local.
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Did you watch?
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I didn't watch. They asked me if I wanted to, but I'm like, no, I'm good. I'm good.
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I don't know what they gave me. I was awake and they gave me a local. And by the way, that local was like getting a shot of Novacate into your gums.
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Like imagine getting a needle into the palm of your fucking hand. That was special.
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But whatever they gave me in the sedative in the IV, dude, that was some good shit because all I know was I was in the OR telling jokes and thinking I was charming as fuck in the OR.
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And 20 minutes later, they're like, you're done. I'm like, I didn't even know you started.
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But I wasn't really loopy. I mean, I was lucid. I was talking, but I didn't feel shit.
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And you didn't get a fucking name for this shit? Nothing?
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No.
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Really?
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No.
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All right. Well, do better.
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I don't know if you knew this, but I was almost a DAPA counselor in the Navy. My first go around at shore duty, my detailer knew that I was from Pennsylvania.
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So he was trying to get me in Philly somehow.
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Yeah.
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He's like, well, I can get you in Philly, he said, but it's going to be as a DAPA counselor. He's like, do you know what that is? I'm like, joke and alcohol. He's like, yeah.
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He's like, well, there's a two week sifting process, like you're going to be evaluated to see if you would be a good counselor. So we have to do that first.
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So they sent me through this two week thing in Norfolk at the base. And part of it involved going to AA meetings and stuff like that.
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And then at the end of the two weeks, they evaluate you and you're either going to be a DAPA counselor or you're not. Well, I was not.
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Because at the end of the two weeks, they were like, we think that you're just doing this just to get to Pennsylvania because that's where you're from.
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And we don't think you're an alcoholic. And most of our counselors have an issue.
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I have a problem with alcohol. So we feel that they make the best counselors. I wasn't drunk enough to be a fucking DAPA counselor.
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That's awesome. That is the Navy's logic for you folks.
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How logical or illogical was that?
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I guess I kind of get their point.
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And at the time I was only drinking beer because for the longest time I never drank liquor. I was just beer only.
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And when they were asking me like, how much do you drink on a daily basis? I wasn't lying to them. I mean, I would tell them, you know, I come home, I probably have a beer or two every day.
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But I guess because I wasn't getting shit blind fucking drunk every day that I wasn't going to make a good counselor.
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That's a shame, Jake, that you weren't doing that.
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Well, I remember waking up on a on a cold October morning in Great Lakes the day after we had our haircut, waking up the next morning.
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And I would typically when I would wake up, I would run my fingers through my hair. And when I went to do that, there was none there.
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And my first thought was, what the fuck did I do?
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That is a big what the fuck moment, brother. Yes. Yes. That is a giant one. Yeah. And then from there it's just history.
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Fair enough. What the fuck?