Hit Us With It, Don

WEBVTT

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We're just big boned, y 'all. She said big boned.

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Hell no, I'm not paying for no f***ing pretzels.

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No. I identify as a dude with huge nuts. On my

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chest? On my chest. Well, mine's drug related.

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Nice. I'm Jake Jacobs. This is Sammy. This is

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the Don. And you're listening to What the F***?

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Welcome to What the Fuck, the podcast where we

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say all the things you're thinking, but probably

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shouldn't. So last week, I just compiled a little

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best of the chaos so far, and that was a lot

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of fun. I just took like one minute clips of

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episode one of season two up until now. Some

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really cool, funny stuff on there. We gained

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a new fan. The YouTube algorithm recommended

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that one to him, so he heard the highlight, the

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best of the chaos. And he subscribed and he's

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commented on every single video so far, giving

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us some really cool feedback. That's beautiful.

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Can we say his name on here? Quicksilvertongue3248.

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He started mentioning specific things that we

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talked about in the episodes, and he would only

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know that if he did a deep dive and actually

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listened. So when you guys get a chance, go to

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our YouTube page and check out some of his comments.

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So Quicksilvertongue. 3248, thank you for the

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comments and for the watches and the likes last

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week. Hell yeah. Yeah, it was pretty cool. Yeah,

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brother. Appreciate you. Today is typically when

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the new episode comes out. And I promised on

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the best of the chaos that we would get the gang

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back together. And I fulfilled that promise as

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of right now we're doing that. Okay. I don't

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know if I'm going to be able to edit this down

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and get this live by the end of today. It may

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be a day late, guys. I apologize for that. But

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Don just came back from Alaska. I've been up

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in Virginia. I've been in Virginia twice, back

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-to -back weekends. Yeah, you've been busy as

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a one -legged dude in an ass -kicking contest.

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I feel like, oh, my God, look at the bags under

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my eyes. They look insane. I'm tired. That's

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from a lack of zinc or something. I'm sure there's

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an explanation for that. I drove, like, freaking—how

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many hours did I drive yesterday? I think I drove

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a total of almost, like— 10 hours in the car

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yesterday. Oh shit. Yeah. Well, your car is legal.

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So there's that. That's true. Yeah. You got legal.

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It needs, it needs new tires now though. Yeah.

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Well, speaking of transportation. Oh, here we

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go. Hit us with it. Don. Transportation was a

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bit of a debacle. And normally for those of you

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who listen and, and, or know me, you know, I'm

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a Delta guy. I'm a Delta Airlines guy. The reason

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I'm a Delta Airlines guy is my airport is Jacksonville.

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I live in St. Augustine. Y 'all know that already.

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So everything from Delta, you're going to go

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to Atlanta. There are no direct flights from

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here. So you're going to Atlanta. Atlanta's quick

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and easy. I know the Atlanta airport like it's

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my other house. It's very simple. It's easy.

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It's big as it is. This time, however, I flew.

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And it was already part of this Alaska cruise

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package, NCL. By the way, NCL is a fantastic,

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shameless plug for you, NCL. You killed it. Norwegian

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cruise lines, man. Yeah, Norwegian. Melissa and

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I get on this fucking United jet, and we did

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okay. We were late getting out of Jacksonville.

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We made our connector in Houston. That's really

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all I care about. And then from there, we flew

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into SeaTac Airport. I am not unfamiliar. I used

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to live up there in the Pacific Northwest in

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that area. Decent job, but still late, right?

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That's never a good thing when you get it, especially

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in the summertime. There's no snow. None of this

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bullshit. So off we went, got on the ship. Everything

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was flawless once we got on NCL. It was top shelf

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at every angle. Then the cruise comes to an end,

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right? All good things must end. And Melissa

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and I drug our ass off the ship. So right off

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the bat, we get back into port at 0630. Zero

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630. That's 630 a .m. for you civilians. We parked

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that big bitch in Seattle by 830. They were like,

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get the fuck out. You got to be gone. So off

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we went. My flight worked with me on this, folks.

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Our flight was not until 1130 p .m. So we got

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a lot of time to hang out in Seattle. with which

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I am not unfamiliar, as I mentioned earlier.

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So I took Melissa to the Pike Street Market,

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watched Chuck Fish, saw the copper pear brass

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pig, bought her lunch and, you know, met some

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nice people, drank some cider. All the shit that

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goes along with Seattle is really cool. And then

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at some point, Melissa and I had done everything.

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And then we got back on the bus, then the train,

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which was free. We moved our way to SeaTac Airport.

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And this is when the drama started. So we're

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hanging around. And about 10 .30, 11 o 'clock

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p .m., we're like, all right, we're going to

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load up here soon. No, no. Flight gets pushed

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back. Next thing you know, we're an hour late.

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Why is that? Well, apparently, we've got some

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crew rest issues maybe. I just assume I was in

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the airplane business for a lot of years, so

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I'm trying to be pretty benevolent here. No flight

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attendants. I'm like, okay, that's fair. Sometimes

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crew rest gets in the way, et cetera, et cetera,

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though that should never happen. It does occasionally,

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and I understand that. We're going to push back.

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We're about an hour late getting out. No big

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deal. We're flying to Washington, D .C. This

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is a long pitch. Five hours or so. You were right

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by me. We took off late. After midnight, by the

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way. We took off late. We headed to Dallas. We

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get off. It was first thing in the morning by

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this time, right? Because we caught up a bunch

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of hours, et cetera, et cetera. For those of

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you who understand time zones, I don't. I don't

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get it. But we get there. And Melissa and I hustle.

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We're 15 minutes early as far as I'm concerned.

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We get over there and we watched him push the

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jet back. And I went off into a fucking tangent

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like you read about. That just pissed me off.

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I'm like, you know, if you would have held this

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jet for 15 minutes, you could have caught that

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up in the air. That would have been an easy fix.

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Even from D .C. to Jacksonville. Yeah, I watched

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him push the jet back. The lady was very professional,

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which at that moment. Did not mean fuck to me.

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I was so pissed off. And I made sure that as

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many people that would listen understood that.

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And then we went to our new gate. We're not taking

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off now until like after lunch, whatever it was.

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So I get up to the new gate. And this lady named

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Ellen. So they reassigned the seats. I'd already

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paid for upgrades. This lady named Ellen. And

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Ellen, you know what? Good for you. I appreciate

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you. She's a flight attendant. She gets it. She

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and I had a little conversation. But she called

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me up to the desk and said, hey. I see you and

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your other person are not flying together. I'm

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going to put you guys together. And I said, well,

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how are you going to do that? She said, because

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there's another plane that's going to get here

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a little bit late and we ain't holding the plane.

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I was like, well, I think that's pretty shitty,

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Ellen, don't you? She was like, not my call.

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I says, all right, fair enough. I said, because

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that's what happened to us. And that's why I'm

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still here. And that's why you and I are having

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this conversation. So that's a pretty sore subject

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to me right now. So we eventually got home. We

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got home after, I don't know, three o 'clock

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yesterday. And then. And then Melissa and I came

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down. She started hacking. I'm like, here we

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fucking go. And I woke up. I went to bed last

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night with the chills and the fever and the whole

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fucking thing. And sure enough, we both had fever.

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She's coughing and hacking up a lung and all

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this stuff. So that was the bad part. And I'm

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going to shut up because I want that to marinate

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with United Airlines. By the way, don't fly United

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Airlines if you have the choice to fly Delta.

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Just don't. Unless you're flat out of Chicago,

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maybe. But United did me dirty. I didn't like

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it. And they could have saved a whole bunch of

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time and Yelp reviews with another 15 minutes.

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In any case, United, go fuck yourself. You suck.

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I've been saying this for I don't even know how

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many years, like many, many years, like probably

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well over a decade at this point that I have

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like always wanted to microdose mushrooms for

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their mental health side effects that are. positive

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side effects essentially. And I've been wanting

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to do that. And they were saying that like, there's

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a new study that literally just came out this

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year, uh, talking about 67 % of the people that

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they did these like, uh, psilocybin microdosing

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sessions with have seen almost like after, I

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think it was like only a couple doses, like five

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years from those doses of like remission of like

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the anxiety, stress, depression, mental health,

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like. disorders kind of thing so i was like this

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is this is why i'm like i don't want to trip

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my balls off to trip my balls off i want to trip

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my balls off to feel better okay fair enough

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so didn't really realize you had balls but that's

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i'm cool with that no these ones up here they're

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on my chest not down below But no, yeah, I've

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literally for years been saying, I'm like, I,

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for the longest time, I was like, oh my God,

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I want to get in one of these studies. I want

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to try this, see if it works for me. Like, they

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just, they need to legalize it for the purposes

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that it is in a clinical setting. And then later

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on do what they did with weed and start solely

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legal. You can't like overdose on this shit in

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the sense of like, it's not going to kill you.

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It's not like heroin or crack. How many pink

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elephants does it take to OD you? Right. Yeah.

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You would die from. accidentally killing yourself

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versus the actual like weed or mushrooms killing

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you itself a couple days ago i had a what the

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fuck and it was one of those where it had nothing

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to do with me i witnessed something happen that

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caused me to go the fuck did i just see right

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it made no sense i was out and about and i decided

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to stop to get some chinese some takeout so i

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go Oh, Don. So Super Walk was closed, so I had

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to go to China King, and they had the same stuff.

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It's literally the same menu, right? So I order,

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and I'm waiting for my food, and this couple

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walks in. Dude, basic white bitch, asshole -looking

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dude. His mother raised a douchebag. A real Chad?

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I mean, I... probably 30s, you know, real nondescript,

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nothing to write home about. So I guess they

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had called ahead for a pickup. Lady gives them

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their bag and she takes their debit card and

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she rings them up. While she's doing that, as

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soon as the guy gets the bag, he immediately,

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immediately rips it open and starts rifling through

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it. Like he's looking for something, right? Turns

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out he was. He was looking to see, now here's

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where it gets kind of murky. He pulls out this

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little carton of white rice and he says, I didn't

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fucking order white rice. I ordered chicken fried

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rice. So the lady looks into the bag and pulls

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out, voila, a little thing of chicken fried rice.

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Here it is. So the guy's like, well, why is white

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rice in my bag? And she's like, well, it came

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with one of your entrees. It's just part of the

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meal. He's like, but I ordered chicken fried

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rice. She goes, and you got it. Here it is. It's

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in your bag. He's like, well, I want the white

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rice taken off my bill. She's like, there's nothing

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to take off because it's part of the entree that

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you ordered. Right. It's free. Yeah. And she's

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like, I'll take it. You know, if you don't want

00:11:07.480 --> 00:11:09.580
it, if you don't want to take it home, I'll take

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it. But there's nothing to take off your bill.

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And he stood there and he said, so you're not

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going to take that off the bill? She goes, no.

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And I was like, what the fuck? Fuck, like we're

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talking maybe the little quart thing of rice.

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Yeah, that comes with like Szechuan chicken and

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shit. Yeah, it's like what, a dollar and a half

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or something? If that. What was he trying to

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fucking pull? And it's like the way that he went

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about it, like as soon as he got his bag and

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just dove into it and ripped it open, like he

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knew this was going to happen. Or that happens

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to him all the time or something. Happens to

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him all the time. Like you get white rice, but

00:11:46.190 --> 00:11:47.309
you ordered it. Well, it would happen. You got

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the chicken fried rice that you ordered. Right.

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What was the fucking point of that whole drama

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filled? Unless he was. So the only thing I can

00:11:55.500 --> 00:11:57.399
think is like when I order stuff like that, like

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I do chicken and broccoli is my favorite thing

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to get. And instead of getting rice, I'll get

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plain lo mein with mine instead of the rice.

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So unless maybe he thought that he was ordering

00:12:06.059 --> 00:12:09.299
chicken fried rice instead of the white rice

00:12:09.299 --> 00:12:11.580
and thought maybe like, oh, I still got charge

00:12:11.580 --> 00:12:15.000
for the rice. Right. But he probably was assuming

00:12:15.000 --> 00:12:16.779
in his brain that people could read his fucking

00:12:16.779 --> 00:12:20.139
mind. Oh. So he got a side of fried rice. That's

00:12:20.139 --> 00:12:22.600
the only thing I can think of for what he was

00:12:22.600 --> 00:12:24.820
freaking out about is maybe he wanted instead

00:12:24.820 --> 00:12:26.840
of the white rice, the fried rice, but didn't

00:12:26.840 --> 00:12:29.299
express it in the way that made sense to the

00:12:29.299 --> 00:12:31.419
person who took the order, which is not their

00:12:31.419 --> 00:12:33.379
fault. It's his fucking fault for not being clear.

00:12:33.659 --> 00:12:36.480
Anybody who's ever ordered at a fast food joint,

00:12:36.639 --> 00:12:40.019
let me see if this sounds familiar. I would like

00:12:40.019 --> 00:12:42.899
a number one. In addition to that number one,

00:12:42.980 --> 00:12:45.259
I would like a chocolate shake. So you want the

00:12:45.259 --> 00:12:48.190
shake and the drink. Correct. And a General Tso's

00:12:48.190 --> 00:12:50.409
chicken, and I would like chicken fried rice.

00:12:50.730 --> 00:12:53.789
Okay. No problem. You get the white rice. That

00:12:53.789 --> 00:12:56.350
just sounds like that's two separate entrees.

00:12:56.490 --> 00:12:59.769
Not saying I want chicken. Yes. If you don't

00:12:59.769 --> 00:13:03.149
specify instead of the white rice, I would like

00:13:03.149 --> 00:13:04.690
chicken. Then they're going to give you the white

00:13:04.690 --> 00:13:07.360
rice, which comes free with it. Yes. You're not

00:13:07.360 --> 00:13:09.679
upcharged for that shit. You're only upcharged

00:13:09.679 --> 00:13:11.740
for changes you make. Yeah, don't put the white

00:13:11.740 --> 00:13:13.379
rice in there. Just give me just the chicken

00:13:13.379 --> 00:13:15.019
fried rice. I don't want that to go to waste.

00:13:15.179 --> 00:13:16.539
Right. Hey, you know what? Roger that. Thank

00:13:16.539 --> 00:13:17.539
you for saying that. If you want to be real ingenuitive,

00:13:17.639 --> 00:13:20.559
you can take that white rice and make your own

00:13:20.559 --> 00:13:24.279
fried rice, you little bitch. Sure can. You really

00:13:24.279 --> 00:13:26.700
can. It's not that hard. I'm sure that's not

00:13:26.700 --> 00:13:28.559
the first Chinese restaurant he's freaked out

00:13:28.559 --> 00:13:31.419
on for that bullshit. So, Sammy, you've delivered

00:13:31.419 --> 00:13:37.820
thousands, hundreds. Hundreds. Of meals. Billions

00:13:37.820 --> 00:13:40.179
of meals to people at their house. Bajillions.

00:13:40.200 --> 00:13:44.139
Have you had someone rip up, like, hold up, honey.

00:13:44.500 --> 00:13:46.500
Rip the bag open in front of you. I didn't order

00:13:46.500 --> 00:13:48.860
this. That's not my problem. I don't know what

00:13:48.860 --> 00:13:50.179
to tell you there, bro. Most of the time when

00:13:50.179 --> 00:13:52.699
you're a delivery driver, I mean. Especially

00:13:52.699 --> 00:13:55.679
for DoorDash and Uber Eats and all that stuff.

00:13:55.840 --> 00:13:59.580
A lot of times they will just do the no contact.

00:13:59.799 --> 00:14:01.740
So it's seldom that I actually really interact

00:14:01.740 --> 00:14:04.240
with someone. I interact more with grocery deliveries

00:14:04.240 --> 00:14:05.659
because a lot of times, especially if somebody

00:14:05.659 --> 00:14:07.120
orders a lot of shit, they'll come out and start

00:14:07.120 --> 00:14:10.519
taking it in as I'm bringing it up. I've never

00:14:10.519 --> 00:14:13.019
had anybody be just digging through shit looking

00:14:13.019 --> 00:14:15.779
like, wait, wait, wait. I ordered purple grapes,

00:14:15.960 --> 00:14:19.120
not the red ones. Right. I've had friends of

00:14:19.120 --> 00:14:21.320
mine that have ordered Instacart. And it's been

00:14:21.320 --> 00:14:23.200
a dude that shopped it and they've gotten some

00:14:23.200 --> 00:14:26.580
off the wall shit replacements. Yeah. And I'm

00:14:26.580 --> 00:14:28.340
like, I don't understand that because like it

00:14:28.340 --> 00:14:31.919
literally takes you two seconds to reach out

00:14:31.919 --> 00:14:33.720
to the customer and go, hey, they're out of this.

00:14:33.740 --> 00:14:35.320
Do you want something else or do you just want

00:14:35.320 --> 00:14:38.000
to cancel it? Not to go, oh, you wanted tampons?

00:14:38.000 --> 00:14:39.419
They're out of them. So I'm just going to get

00:14:39.419 --> 00:14:43.419
you straws. Correct. Yeah. Which is close. Or

00:14:43.419 --> 00:14:46.309
cotton balls. Because that makes sense. I got

00:14:46.309 --> 00:14:48.090
an instant card the other day and a dude shopped

00:14:48.090 --> 00:14:50.250
it. So what I do is I say, yes, I want it replaced,

00:14:50.409 --> 00:14:53.049
but please text me first. I don't say cancel

00:14:53.049 --> 00:14:54.230
it because then you don't know what you're going

00:14:54.230 --> 00:14:58.149
to get. And this young man, he texted me. He

00:14:58.149 --> 00:15:00.789
was like, listen, the fucking birthday cake you

00:15:00.789 --> 00:15:04.129
ordered is good enough for like one person. And

00:15:04.129 --> 00:15:06.649
it's $8. I got another one here for $10. It's

00:15:06.649 --> 00:15:08.399
good enough for like four people. You want me

00:15:08.399 --> 00:15:09.960
to swap that out? I was like, hell yeah, I do.

00:15:10.379 --> 00:15:12.679
See, that's what I do. If I see somebody's get,

00:15:12.720 --> 00:15:14.779
like, say they'll be buying like a thing of like

00:15:14.779 --> 00:15:16.960
soda. I'll be like, hey, you know, these sodas

00:15:16.960 --> 00:15:18.860
are like buy one, get one or whatever. And they'll

00:15:18.860 --> 00:15:21.080
be like, oh, well, he's like, grab me another

00:15:21.080 --> 00:15:25.820
one. And I'm like, I got you. Like, I'm a frugal

00:15:25.820 --> 00:15:28.460
fanny. I know. I'm like, you know, if you're

00:15:28.460 --> 00:15:30.720
going to buy it, it's on sale. Why not just get

00:15:30.720 --> 00:15:33.460
it? Like, I'm looking out for you. For those

00:15:33.460 --> 00:15:36.120
of you who are listening, you don't see Sammy's

00:15:36.120 --> 00:15:39.710
head going from side to side. which is pretty

00:15:39.710 --> 00:15:41.529
fucking cool, actually. So I don't know that

00:15:41.529 --> 00:15:43.889
I can pull that off. I'm trying, and it's not

00:15:43.889 --> 00:15:46.190
working. But hers, it's like it's on a fucking,

00:15:46.289 --> 00:15:48.389
it's like a bird. This old neck has still got

00:15:48.389 --> 00:15:53.950
some spring in it. Yeah. So, Jake, your douchebag

00:15:53.950 --> 00:15:57.029
story, that what the fuck story, that's beautiful

00:15:57.029 --> 00:15:59.389
because that's one of the things on my list of

00:15:59.389 --> 00:16:02.590
human flaws. It's like, what's the point, really?

00:16:03.070 --> 00:16:06.090
And that's at the end of the day. What did you

00:16:06.090 --> 00:16:09.460
hope? To accomplish by doing this. They just

00:16:09.460 --> 00:16:12.799
get their rocks up by. I don't fucking get that

00:16:12.799 --> 00:16:15.799
shit. Belittling people gives them a weird superiority

00:16:15.799 --> 00:16:19.929
slash gets you off kind of bullshit. Maybe it's

00:16:19.929 --> 00:16:22.850
a debit card thing. Maybe he wanted her to like

00:16:22.850 --> 00:16:25.850
have to go back into the transaction and take

00:16:25.850 --> 00:16:27.929
it off. And somehow there's some kind of scam

00:16:27.929 --> 00:16:30.970
going on with that where that's somehow it wipes

00:16:30.970 --> 00:16:33.389
out the whole first charge and the whole charge

00:16:33.389 --> 00:16:34.970
and they end up getting food for free. Oh, like

00:16:34.970 --> 00:16:36.909
they could say they refunded it, but then it

00:16:36.909 --> 00:16:38.690
got charged again and then they call the card

00:16:38.690 --> 00:16:40.690
and dispute it and be like, oh, double charge

00:16:40.690 --> 00:16:42.370
me. No, it got charged twice. That's bullshit.

00:16:42.929 --> 00:16:44.710
That's possible. That's a good point, Jake. The

00:16:44.710 --> 00:16:46.590
look on his face when she just stood there and

00:16:46.590 --> 00:16:49.009
she's like. Did he look intelligent enough to

00:16:49.009 --> 00:16:54.090
pull a scam? Maybe not. I don't know. But maybe

00:16:54.090 --> 00:16:57.070
that is a thing. Was he like my age or was he

00:16:57.070 --> 00:17:00.330
older? I want to say early 30s maybe. If I had

00:17:00.330 --> 00:17:03.870
to guess, maybe 32 -ish. Sammy, you know that

00:17:03.870 --> 00:17:05.789
Gen Xers, we can't tell anybody's age anymore.

00:17:05.970 --> 00:17:07.930
Your girl's birthday was yesterday. She's now

00:17:07.930 --> 00:17:10.049
38. Two more years until I'm in the 40s, boys.

00:17:10.960 --> 00:17:13.759
Yeah, so he wasn't as old as you. Not as old

00:17:13.759 --> 00:17:17.799
as me. Fair enough. God, that's a good man. That

00:17:17.799 --> 00:17:20.319
story right there is a special place in my heart

00:17:20.319 --> 00:17:22.460
for people that do that shit because, you know,

00:17:22.480 --> 00:17:24.519
at the end of the day, what it does is it makes

00:17:24.519 --> 00:17:26.599
that motherfucker look like an idiot himself.

00:17:26.700 --> 00:17:29.000
It's like, listen, if you're trying to be superior

00:17:29.000 --> 00:17:32.960
and the difference in your financial well -being

00:17:32.960 --> 00:17:35.539
is a small box of white rice, you're fucked.

00:17:35.740 --> 00:17:39.269
You're in bad shape. Yeah. So, and now you've

00:17:39.269 --> 00:17:40.069
let everybody know that. Yeah, and this happened

00:17:40.069 --> 00:17:43.730
at the China King in Hermitage last Friday. I

00:17:43.730 --> 00:17:47.329
100%, if I were the woman working the thing,

00:17:47.390 --> 00:17:49.289
I would have been looking at him like, probably

00:17:49.289 --> 00:17:50.789
would have started laughing, which probably would

00:17:50.789 --> 00:17:52.430
have pissed him off. Yeah, listen, if I'd already

00:17:52.430 --> 00:17:56.329
charged your ass, I'd be like, hmm. I would have

00:17:56.329 --> 00:17:59.420
been like, what's... What's going on up here,

00:17:59.460 --> 00:18:01.940
buddy? Because you're not comprehending the very

00:18:01.940 --> 00:18:04.180
simple explanation I'm giving you right now.

00:18:04.200 --> 00:18:08.200
What part of no don't you fucking get? It's free.

00:18:09.740 --> 00:18:12.380
She held her composure. She did not waver. I

00:18:12.380 --> 00:18:14.259
love when things like this shit come up, Jake.

00:18:14.359 --> 00:18:15.000
It gives me material.